Feelsgoodman Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Which negative 'stereotype' would that be? That lots of men talk trash before meeting a woman? Or with women they hardly know? How does acknowledging that offend your sensibilities exactly? You make it sound like most men are crude and only have sex on their mind. That's not a negative stereotype at all
Author RedRobin Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 No I disagree with the conditioning to talk that way thing. You just have come across some thirsty men. Also at the same time you also have to consider the role your own gender plays in this. There are women who like that sort of thing and some that are very promiscuous that make it more difficult for women. I got told this once by a true to the game player: Promiscuous women will ruin you. It makes sense because you get used to taking the path of least resistance and it creates the illusion that all are like this when it's not true. Most of the guys like you deal with are either thirsty or just have spent most of their time dealing with women that enabled their approach of taking the path of least resistance. I agree about alot of things here... It must have worked for him before.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Ok... pay attention to the women who come here and complain about men becoming overly sexually familiar... some of them before they even MET. I had this recent experience where this guy, that I never met, kept trying to get me to take my pants off and reveal personal details about my past sexual experiences. He also knew I had this over-sized stuffed lion, which was orginally from a very innocent conversation, and he kept making comments about how that stuffed lion was getting all kinds of good action. What a perv.
Author RedRobin Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 I had this recent experience where this guy, that I never met, kept trying to get me to take my pants off and reveal personal details about my past sexual experiences. He also knew I had this over-sized stuffed lion, which was orginally from a very innocent conversation, and he kept making comments about how that stuffed lion was getting all kinds of good action. What a perv. Silly, right? Don't these guys have anything else to talk about? I swear, next time a guy starts talking like this, I'm going to recommend a better reading/video selection... "Hey, dude... expand your horizons... Pick up the Economist or the Harvard Business Review once in awhile. How about Nova, The Discovery Channel or National Geographic for a change? Do a nice report on state of the Euro and get back to me... or NOT!" :rolleyes: 1
joystickd Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I agree about alot of things here... It must have worked for him before. People in general stick with what works. There are things women do in regards to dating that men don't like but they stick with it because it works.
Author RedRobin Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 People in general stick with what works. There are things women do in regards to dating that men don't like but they stick with it because it works. Sadly... It seems that what worked for him in the past isn't working so well anymore.. It also seems he IS looking for a relationship with someone now.... and has developed ALOT of bad habits. I really don't have the energy to coach him on all the crap he is doing wrong... and even if he successfully made it through "RedRobin Bootcamp", I'd never trust him not to fall off the 'player' wagon in the future. Just not worth it....
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Something about the way you look and/or carry yourself makes men think, rightly or wrongly, that you are sexually...adventurous. I thought about this somemore... You are absolutely right... I carry myself with confidence. I'm a dancer, which means I know how where my body is... I'm comfortable in it... That's pretty sexy to alot of men. I've been in significant LTRs lasting many years, and I know what I bring to the table (sexually and otherwise). I work around all men, so I'm comfortable around them and have alot of empathy for their struggles. Once a man has earned my trust, I'm very sexually adventurous... To me, sex is the ultimate in adult play... but I can't share that with strangers who can't appreciate me as a human being and too often just want to take and suck the life out of someone. That is my experience of men who are over-eager sexually and/or are promiscuous. They are predominantly takers who have lost the ability to bond through sex. I'm not fooled by those who are pitching fantasies about living in the moment and all that... Not when it comes to emotional things... I reserve my 'living in the moment' adventures for other things... so yes, I'm sure these men are experienced enough to observe what lies under the surface with me. That I'm quite adventurous, confident, and experienced. Too bad so few have the patience to get to know me... Or have such low self-esteem themselves that they think the only thing they have to offer is their sex. I feel for them... but I can't help them. 2
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) As a ballet dancer you should be able to land a man that doesn't trash talk to you with sexual undertones all the time, but it's up to you to pick such a man out of the crowd. Once a man has earned my trust, I'm very sexually adventurous... To me, sex is the ultimate in adult play... but I can't share that with strangers who can't appreciate me as a human being and too often just want to take and suck the life out of someone. A while ago you said that you saw men who have sex too soon with you merely as walking dildos. Now you say that you don't appreciate it when they don't see you as a human being. These sort of things go both ways Red Robin. If you don't like those type of men, then don't sleep with them. Edited August 26, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion 2
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) As a ballet dancer you should be able to land a man that doesn't trash talk to you with sexual undertones all the time, but it's up to you to pick such a man out of the crowd. Yep. A while ago you said that you saw men who have sex too soon with you merely as walking dildos. I'm saying that the one time I 'went' with things... that I was closed off emotionally... and that was the main reason I don't jump into things quickly. The man was hurt in that situation... So I don't do it. It scared me that I could be that closed off and how 'easy' it was for me to disconnect. That was many years ago. Before I was married. I've already said that *I'm* capable of losing the ability to bond through sex... Men are encouraged to and even congratulated on that ability, unfortunately... hence the behavior of Mr. Sexy Talk and others like him... and TBH... the older one gets... I suspect the more there are out there who have damaged (maybe permanently) their ability to bond that way. This would be another explanation why I'm coming across more now than I have in the past. Me personally... I think it is something neither gender wants to do. It greatly hampers their ability to form and keep a committed relationship later. Now you say that you don't appreciate it when they don't see you as a human being. Most people who push for sex early don't see the other person as a human being with feelings. That is my opinion, yes. I base my values on one single incident that affected me. How many ONS's or FWB's do some people have before it goes through their thick skulls they are hurting people? Or do they care? These sort of things go both ways Red Robin. Of course. If you don't like those type of men, then don't sleep with them. I'm not having sex with them. Where on this thread did you get the idea that I have?? That was the point of the thread. That Mr. Sexy Talk lost the ability to form a relationship with me because HE has lost the ability to connect... ... and it is sad... I can empathize... but I can't fix it or help him.... he's going to have to undo the damage himself... From what I can tell... he's not even willing to admit he has a problem. So, in some ways... it is even disrespectful for me to even say he needs to be 'fixed'... we just aren't compatible. Edited: and before you paraphrase things I've said... do your homework and fill in the blanks... I didn't say that I view men as walking dildos. I said that I was capable of it and so didn't do it again... Big difference. Edited August 26, 2012 by RedRobin
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 ... yea... and I get it that men don't want to be responsible for their own sexuality and expect women to do all the emotional work... ... which is kind of how I see your post Heart of a Lion.... If you (or other men) don't like being viewed as a walking dildo... then don't push for sex early. There are plenty of other women (not me) who can and have sucked in a man sexually and taken him for a ride emotionally, financially... and every other way. There are a few on this board, TBH. I'm not one of them...
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) I'm not having sex with them. Where on this thread did you get the idea that I have?? Not in this thread, but in one of your earlier threads. I'll post the quote at the bottom of this reply. and before you paraphrase things I've said... do your homework and fill in the blanks... I didn't say that I view men as walking dildos. I said that I was capable of it and so didn't do it again... Big difference. You didn't say you were merely capable of it, you said you had actually done it. Here's the quote: I know that when I've done it (had sex early) I stopped caring about the guy practically immediately. Nothing he did made a difference after that. The guy becomes little more than a walking dildo... with the guy ending up feeling hurt and confused... and me dealing with his drama and BS from his friends. So, boring... for me. Those are your own words, so what do you want me to say RR? I merely pointed out the discrepancy between how you say you treated men versus how you want to be treated yourself. Like I said, these things go both ways. Edited August 26, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Not in this thread, but in one of your earlier threads. I'll post the quote at the bottom of this reply. You didn't say you were merely capable of it, you said you had actually done it. Here's the quote: Those are your own words, so what do you want me to say RR? I merely pointed out the discrepancy between how you say you treated men versus how you want to be treated yourself. Like I said, these things go both ways. Yes... I know what I said... Care to post the part where I said I couldn't do it again? No.. I guess not. Guess I'll have to dig that up myself. Look in the mirror, buddy. I'm not the enemy. How many women have YOU hurt by pushing for sex early... huh? You think you are entitled? Alot of men have gotten very comfortable assuming that once they get it in... that she is emotional mush in their hands... Sorry to burst your bubble. There ARE women out there who will manipulate men through sex... I made the conscious choice many years ago NOT to be that woman... Nor will I accept men who try to manipulate women that way...
xxoo Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 There are men who are looking for a relationship with you, and then there are men who will call you and tell you how he beat off after seeing you on your bike. That isn't even sexy talk. That's just lewd and gross, and he knows it.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 I'm reposting this... I didn't have a chance to edit... Not in this thread, but in one of your earlier threads. I'll post the quote at the bottom of this reply. Yes... I know what I said... Care to post the part where I said I couldn't do it again? No.. I guess not. Guess I'll have to dig that up myself. You didn't say you were merely capable of it, you said you had actually done it. Here's the quote: Yea, and I admitted that again here. What's your problem? Of course I had done it. That is how I knew I was capable of it. It happened once, years ago. I described the story in the other thread. That I hurt him and had to deal with fall out from our friends. GOT IT. Guess what? This is NOT fallout men have... do they? Hence their repeated bad behaviors that women have to f*ing deal with... So, I get to be basically celibate to protect myself from sh*theads who used women for sex their whole lives... and take sh*t from guys like you too? Whatever. Those are your own words, so what do you want me to say RR? I merely pointed out the discrepancy between how you say you treated men versus how you want to be treated yourself. How I treated 'men'? No. It was one incident. That happened many years ago and informed my values to this day. Get it straight. Like I said, these things go both ways. Look in the mirror, buddy. I'm not the enemy. How many women have YOU hurt by pushing for sex early... huh? You think you are entitled? Alot of men have gotten very comfortable assuming that once they get it in... that she is emotional mush in their hands... Sorry to burst your bubble. There ARE women out there who will manipulate men through sex... I made the conscious choice many years ago NOT to be that woman... Nor will I accept men who try to manipulate women that way...
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 There are men who are looking for a relationship with you, and then there are men who will call you and tell you how he beat off after seeing you on your bike. That isn't even sexy talk. That's just lewd and gross, and he knows it. When men push for sex early and/or talk trash... I really am not interested in trying to sort out what their motivations are... Neither should other women... ... and yea, I agree that the person we are talking about is abusive and manipulative. His number is in my phone now and I won't make the mistake of picking it up in the future. If I see him out and about I'll do my best to avoid him... to avoid getting on his 'radar' again.
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Yes... I know what I said... Care to post the part where I said I couldn't do it again? No.. I guess not. Guess I'll have to dig that up myself. Fair enough. I forgot that you had said you no longer do that sort of thing. My apologies. Look in the mirror, buddy. I'm not the enemy. I don't see you as an enemy, but I've simply dealt with women that behaved differently from the way they talked. Men that are looking for a meaningful relationship need to watch their back also. When I look for a partner, I look for a woman that talks the talk and walks the walk. If there's a discrepancy between that, then I notice that. I simply applied that line of logic to your post. How many women have YOU hurt by pushing for sex early... huh? You think you are entitled? Zero, because I have never pushed for sex early. In fact I have walked away from all opportunities for casual sex. I have posted quite a few of those stories here on LS. I know quite a few guys that are players, so I get asked by women that satellite around them on a regular basis. I've always declined. Always. I'm not interested in sex without an emotional connection, because I'm looking for a meaningful relationship. I have this attitude for multiple reasons. One of them is that I want to make the way free for when the right woman comes along. And I also do it out of respect for my future SO, so that she will never have to worry about my sexual past. Sorry to burst your bubble. There ARE women out there who will manipulate men through sex... No bubble was burst. I'm well aware of the sexual zeitgeist of these times. I get lied to by women on a regular basis.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Fair enough. I forgot that you had said you no longer do that sort of thing. My apologies. I don't see you as an enemy, but I've simply dealt with women that behaved differently from the way they talked. Men that are looking for a meaningful relationship need to watch their back also. When I look for a partner, I look for a woman that talks the talk and walks the walk. If there's a discrepancy between that, then I notice that. I simply applied that line of logic to your post. Zero, because I have never pushed for sex early. In fact I have walked away from all opportunities for casual sex. I have posted quite a few of those stories here on LS. I know quite a few guys that are players, so I get asked by women that satellite around them on a regular basis. I've always declined. Always. I'm not interested in sex without an emotional connection, because I'm looking for a meaningful relationship. I have this attitude for multiple reasons. One of them is that I want to make the way free for when the right woman comes along. And I also do it out of respect for my future SO, so that she will never have to worry about my sexual past. No bubble was burst. I'm well aware of the sexual zeitgeist of these times. I get lied to by women on a regular basis. (Shaking hands)... Good, we are of the same mind then...
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I thought about this somemore... You are absolutely right... I carry myself with confidence. I'm a dancer, which means I know how where my body is... I'm comfortable in it... That's pretty sexy to alot of men. I've been in significant LTRs lasting many years, and I know what I bring to the table (sexually and otherwise). I work around all men, so I'm comfortable around them and have alot of empathy for their struggles. Once a man has earned my trust, I'm very sexually adventurous... To me, sex is the ultimate in adult play... but I can't share that with strangers who can't appreciate me as a human being and too often just want to take and suck the life out of someone. That is my experience of men who are over-eager sexually and/or are promiscuous. They are predominantly takers who have lost the ability to bond through sex. I'm not fooled by those who are pitching fantasies about living in the moment and all that... Not when it comes to emotional things... I reserve my 'living in the moment' adventures for other things... so yes, I'm sure these men are experienced enough to observe what lies under the surface with me. That I'm quite adventurous, confident, and experienced. Too bad so few have the patience to get to know me... Or have such low self-esteem themselves that they think the only thing they have to offer is their sex. I feel for them... but I can't help them. The good thing about this Red, is that it enables you to weed out guys that aren't for you. You know exactly what you are looking for and you know how to stick to your guns to get it. The right guy for you WILL have the patience to get to know you. And that's how you know he is different from the other guys.
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 The good thing about this Red, is that it enables you to weed out guys that aren't for you. You know exactly what you are looking for and you know how to stick to your guns to get it. The right guy for you WILL have the patience to get to know you. And that's how you know he is different from the other guys. Holding out sex is always a good strategy for a woman. I recommend 3 months. If a guy will stay that long in a relationship without having sex, then he tends to be serious about you. One thing about players for example is that they tend to gravitate towards the easiest "pussy". (excuse the language, but that's how they talk) If you put up a barrier of 3 months, then that will put up an obstacle and filter out a lot of men that are not LTR oriented. A man that is serious will stay around, of course there are limits for every man. If a woman puts up too many barriers and tests too many of his limits, then even he will eventually need to give up. So making things too hard also isn't a good strategy, because it will kill his enthusiasm to pursue you eventually.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 The good thing about this Red, is that it enables you to weed out guys that aren't for you. You know exactly what you are looking for and you know how to stick to your guns to get it. The right guy for you WILL have the patience to get to know you. And that's how you know he is different from the other guys. Thanks, DY.
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Thanks, DY. Apart from all the men that push for sex early with you, have you had any success spotting a decent man lately? If so, then go for it RR. If a man sticks around when you hold out for sex for 3 months, then you can be fairly sure that he likes you for more than just sex. However, if you know he's a decent guy, then don't put up too many barriers. A man can't stay in chasing mode forever, because chasing a woman for too long will eventually drain him. There should come a point where you have enough evidence to let him get closer. I say this, because from reading your posts you seem to keep men at arms length. I get the idea that you've been hurt pretty badly in the past, perhaps even repeatedly. Take a look in my profile album, that painting is perhaps relevant I think. Edited August 26, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion
joystickd Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 That was the point of the thread. That Mr. Sexy Talk lost the ability to form a relationship with me because HE has lost the ability to connect... ... and it is sad... I can empathize... but I can't fix it or help him.... he's going to have to undo the damage himself... From what I can tell... he's not even willing to admit he has a problem. So, in some ways... it is even disrespectful for me to even say he needs to be 'fixed'... we just aren't compatible. Edited: and before you paraphrase things I've said... do your homework and fill in the blanks... I didn't say that I view men as walking dildos. I said that I was capable of it and so didn't do it again... Big difference. I wouldn't say lost the ability to connect. I look at a situation and think back to when I was in the dorms in college and a few of us guys would chop up game. Really discuss things we did as for meeting and talking to women. I was a guy with zero success back then, but I soaked all of it in. One thing that comes to mind when I think of this guy is he couldn't keep his dick in his pocket. I'm not an advocate for the pimp game but they do offer some good pieces of advice and this is one of them. As a man you have to keep the head the one in your pants in control. This guy was thirsty and also did something that had worked before.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Apart from all the men that push for sex early with you, have you had any success spotting a decent man lately? If so, then go for it RR. If a man sticks around when you hold out for sex for 3 months, then you can be fairly sure that he likes you for more than just sex. However, if you know he's a decent guy, then don't put up too many barriers. A man can't stay in chasing mode forever, because eventually chasing a woman for too long will drain him. There should come a point where you have enough evidence to let him get closer. I've had one or two who seemed to be promising... then they blew it with the typical third date rule BS... Or they became mean and hateful when they didn't get what they wanted. I'm just exhausted and worn out from dating, TBH. Really don't feel like doing it anymore. When I meet men now, I'm friendly... but I really don't care to put myself out there at all. Unless I meet him through friends and they know him VERY well... Or I've had lots of time to observe how he interacts in a group... I'm just not going there with strangers. At all. ... and you know what... that is probably exactly what guys like Mr. Sexy Talk and a couple of others here on LS have in mind... They want to damage women and hurt them. In any way they can. That is what I think is really behind their behavior. Edited August 26, 2012 by RedRobin
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I've had one or two who seemed to be promising... then they blew it with the typical third date rule BS... Or they became mean and hateful when they didn't get what they wanted. I'm just exhausted and worn out from dating, TBH. Really don't feel like doing it anymore. When I meet men now, I'm friendly... but I really don't care to put myself out there at all. Unless I meet him through friends and they know him VERY well... Or I've had lots of time to observe how he interacts in a group... I'm just not going there with strangers. At all. ... and you know what... that is probably exactly what guys like Mr. Sexy Talk and a couple of others here on LS have in mind... They want to damage women and hurt them. In any way they can. That is what I think is really behind their behavior. I can relate to how you feel. I wish these things were easier.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 I say this, because from reading your posts you seem to keep men at arms length. Yes, and I believe more women should... keep men at arm's length... at least to their inner core. They can be friendly and respectful... but not more. There is this sense I have that alot of people (both men and women) feel entitled to emotional access to woman immediately... at work, at home... out in public. That we are obliged to smile and 'take it'... no matter what people say or do. ... that to be feminine is to basically be weak, pliable, and emotionally accessible to all comers. Which really isn't practical, or smart. I'm not saying you think that.. but that is the 'message' I've gotten through the years. I get the idea that you've been hurt pretty badly in the past, perhaps even repeatedly. I appreciate your concern and sincerity. I don't believe I've been hurt anymore than alot of people though. Take a look in my profile album, that painting is perhaps relevant I think. I'll do that. Thank you.
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