lunat1ccc Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I mailed something my gf needed (perfume) since her country doesn't have it. I alao sent her a card and picture along with a dvd I figured shed like. I asked her if she received it, and she said she did a couple days ago and said she forgot to tell me/ thought she did. I take this as her not caring and losing interest. What do you think? I'm I overanalyzing it? I feel that she should've told me the day she received it, yet I had to ask her about it. Makes me feel she doesn't care.
pteromom Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 This sounds like a "Five Love Languages" thing. Some people assign great meaning to gift-giving and receiving, and for others, it isn't that big of a deal. Other than this one example, does she seem like she's losing interest? FYI, if you aren't familiar, the 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Quality Time In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Receiving Gifts Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. 1
Author lunat1ccc Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Lol I feel like I'm all of those. Anyway, I don't think she's losing interest. When I went to go visit her on my bday, she didn't give me a present either. However, she always initiates to Skype and tells me she loves me. Maybe she's not just a present person. Thank you for the 5 love languages though!
blugirl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Haha, feels like I'm 4 out of those 5 types at a time Anyways OP, I have a similar 'problem' and was wondering about it... cause although my SO tells me rightaway when he receives the gifts, I've never heard 'thank you' from him >< For me it's rude. However, he later always sends me emails about how he was opening the package, carefully looking at every gift and his thoughts about the gifts and how happy he was. So maybe it's just how he is...? He said presents don't matter for him and I don't have to buy him anything (yeah sure, how could I not buy anything??) But on the other hand, is it so hard to just say 'thank you', I want to hear those 2 words, that's all! Why your gf didnt buy you any bday present though? I would be downright sad if it happened to me.
HeavenOrHell Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 It doesn't necessarily mean she's losing interest, some people are just rude and don't acknowledge presents or other things which are done for them. I have a friend who never says thanks to anyone for any gift given to her, so most of us think she doesn't like the gifts, and therefore feel we won't give her another one, not that we should give presents to receive thanks, but I do find it rude nonetheless. I mailed something my gf needed (perfume) since her country doesn't have it. I alao sent her a card and picture along with a dvd I figured shed like. I asked her if she received it, and she said she did a couple days ago and said she forgot to tell me/ thought she did. I take this as her not caring and losing interest. What do you think? I'm I overanalyzing it? I feel that she should've told me the day she received it, yet I had to ask her about it. Makes me feel she doesn't care.
pteromom Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 He said presents don't matter for him and I don't have to buy him anything (yeah sure, how could I not buy anything??) But on the other hand, is it so hard to just say 'thank you', I want to hear those 2 words, that's all! This is something you need to communicate. "I realize that you said presents don't matter to you, and I respect that. But I get a lot of joy in giving you gifts. You don't have to make a big deal out of it, but if you could just always tell me "thank you", it would mean so much to me. It's not a lot to ask, but he needs to know how you feel. 1
pteromom Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Anyway, I don't think she's losing interest. When I went to go visit her on my bday, she didn't give me a present either. However, she always initiates to Skype and tells me she loves me. Maybe she's not just a present person. Yep, if she's still showing interest in effort in other ways, she just doesn't speak the "gift" love language - as you said, she's not a present person. Since you are, it's important that you communicate this with her. Always do so in a way where it's about you and your desires, and NOT a criticism of her, and she should be open to making a change. For instance, your birthday. It's ok (assuming you've been together for a while and not a month or something) to say "One of the most important things for me on my birthday is to have some sort of gift to open. It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive - I just like having something to open." If she doesn't get the strong hint, you can then be more direct. But just knowing that she feels differently about gifts than you do may be enough to get past any hurt feelings.
I'm nuts Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 People are strange, I sent a girl money for an medical operation, money for a course she wanted to study, birthday presents, what did I get in return, nada, nothing, I think 1 text saying she got the money
Recommended Posts