Gulf-Delta Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Here I am, almost 7 months post breakup, almost 2 month LC (Her commenting on my Youtube channel, and me just saying thanks). Shortly after the last time we met, I hit a wall. After I saw her that last time, I felt better as each day passed. Until a bout a week or 2 in. Then I stopped feeling better, and have been stuck there since. Anyway, I've been stuck at this spot for a while now...the only difference is, it's much easier to distract myself with creative stuff or schooling... Everynow and then, I see her out around town, or hear someone mention her, and I'm back in pain. I heard about her recently from a third party, and just felt sick to my stomach about it. Everytime I see her driving around town, or hear about her, I feel like crap, and realize all I want is for things to go back to how they were. I just want her back. Just the sight of her face, or her name suck me into a hole. I still dream about her at least a couple nights a week. It always involves her apologizing and wanting a second chance. And it always feels so real. When I wake up I feel awful. When will this stop? Why wo't my brain let go? It won't wake up to the fact that she has changed, and the girl I love(d) is gone. It just won't sink in. I hate this, and I just want it to be over. I don't wanna feel like this. I hate not knowing what is going to happen (like if she's ever gonna come back), I hate not knowing if she even thinks about me, I hate not waking up next to her. I miss so badly all the things she did that annoyed me. She used to make this awful steamed veggie stuff I thought was disgusting, but I miss it now, as stupid as it sounds. I miss her cooking for me. I miss having someone who actually loved and accepted me for who I was, and I miss loving and accepting someone. I miss making love to her. I hate seeing babies and toddlers in public because we always talked about how we couldn't wait to have our own. I'm crying now, for the first time in months. I'm just a wreck, and I need all of this to just be over.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Thing is, every time these occurrences happen, and I feel like crap, it's because I realize the love we shared was real. And I guess part of me thinks (or wants/hopes) that, because we really were in love, that everything will work out in the end...
ts1234 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 i feel you bro... im in the same boat and i dont know what to do about it either... it sucks big time
InAFog Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Feeling the same. Most of us are. Its so hard to move on when we keep thinking there may be any chance of things going back to how they were. Even though we know that it could never be exactly the same, even if we did reconcile. And i definitely understand about feeling that she's changed and the person you were with is gone. I keep hoping that my ex will come back saying he really wants to be the person he was, the person i need him to be. But it won't happen. I know it. But i just can't seem to get my heart to follow my head. And both head and heart are very dark places these days. Hang in there. We are all in it together. You're not alone.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Feeling the same. Most of us are. Its so hard to move on when we keep thinking there may be any chance of things going back to how they were. Even though we know that it could never be exactly the same, even if we did reconcile. And i definitely understand about feeling that she's changed and the person you were with is gone. I keep hoping that my ex will come back saying he really wants to be the person he was, the person i need him to be. But it won't happen. I know it. But i just can't seem to get my heart to follow my head. And both head and heart are very dark places these days. Hang in there. We are all in it together. You're not alone. Yeah I know, I just needed to vent on it. The thing is I'm every time she comes up, it's always in a way that illustrates why I shouldn't be with her anymore or how much she's changed. Recently it was a friend of mine who was talking about how they went to some beer bar. My ex HATED beer, ya know. And now she's changed so much she hangs out there all the time. Instead of thinking "whew, we're no longer compatible, it's for the best" I think "Oh my god why can't she be how she used to be". I just hate myself for still loving her. After the pain she's caused and her "whatever" attitude towards it all, and how she's totally different, I know I should be over her. But all that does is make me miss her.
InAFog Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 That's one of the toughest things. That so many of us (myself included) are trying to get over illusions. Trying to let go of people who don't even really exist anymore. If only we could go back. If only they could see how worth it we all are!
Tallblueyed Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 That so many of us (myself included) are trying to get over illusions. That is the most difficult thing for me to reconcile: my illusion of my ignorantly bliss marriage - I had no idea she was capable of cheating while we were 'so happy'. I am so tempted to break NC, I feel like I miss her - but I know it will do nothing except hurt me. Everyone keeps telling me "time". I just want to scream, "Haven't I been through enough...for once I want to be special...I want to be the exception that doesn't have to wait to heal!"
InAFog Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 That is the most difficult thing for me to reconcile: my illusion of my ignorantly bliss marriage - I had no idea she was capable of cheating while we were 'so happy'. I am so tempted to break NC, I feel like I miss her - but I know it will do nothing except hurt me. Everyone keeps telling me "time". I just want to scream, "Haven't I been through enough...for once I want to be special...I want to be the exception that doesn't have to wait to heal!" Time. Well I'm only into month 3 and its a bit worrisome to see people feeling pretty much the same a lot lot further along. As I'm no spring chicken anymore I get crushed by the sense that I do not have time for this. Its so scary to think that it could take years to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and self and put it back together. Keep on truckin i guess! 1
The Tallest One Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I really thought my ex gf was "the one"! My first wife was someone I loved but not like this girl! I try every day to force my mind to not even think of her at all. Its hard as hell but I do the best I can. There are actually moments in my day where I am distracted and not thinking of her! Its funny how we all have good days and then suddenly out of nowhere a bad one hits! Weekends are the worst because she's always out with friends having a blast while I'm still trying to move forward! At 43 it scares me to think I'm single again, especially when I thought the last gf was my perfect match! This does really suck! The crazy thing is that it was a roller coaster relationship after the first few months and became very unhealthy for me, but I still love her! What's with that? 1
villageman Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Just to echo what everyone else is saying here, I'm in the same boat too. I'm a little over 6 months post break up. There have been ups and downs but at the moment I miss her about as bad as right after the break up at the moment. For me it's not because I hope we'll get back together... in fact I know that there is absolutely no chance we'll ever get back together. It's more a lack of hope for the future... my ex girlfriend was exceptional in almost every way, and the main reason we broke up was because I was dealing with some fairly serious depression/anxiety issues that, unfortunately I didn't get diagnosed and start working to fix until after the break up. There are other girls out there, but I can't imagine anyone who could ever come along and replace her... I'm almost 31 too, so I'm starting to feel like time is running short for me to find someone amazing and build a relationship as well. I don't really have any advice other than to say, I kind of felt this way when I broke up with another girl, when I was 25. I didn't think anyone could replace her, and about 3 years later I met my most recent ex.... but I was a bit younger then, and I don't know how many chances at this a person actually gets.
InAFog Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I really thought my ex gf was "the one"! My first wife was someone I loved but not like this girl! I try every day to force my mind to not even think of her at all. Its hard as hell but I do the best I can. There are actually moments in my day where I am distracted and not thinking of her! Its funny how we all have good days and then suddenly out of nowhere a bad one hits! Weekends are the worst because she's always out with friends having a blast while I'm still trying to move forward! At 43 it scares me to think I'm single again, especially when I thought the last gf was my perfect match! This does really suck! The crazy thing is that it was a roller coaster relationship after the first few months and became very unhealthy for me, but I still love her! What's with that? I know my ex was unhealthy for me too. I kinda knew it right away. I guess I wanted to "save" him in a way. I think he wanted me to also. "Please don't let me turn into my father" he would say. well he turned more and more into him every day. Sure didn't like that pointed out to him though.
fucpcg Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 1.5 years post breakup with a girl that we discussed marriage and kids. I had only seen her in passing 3 times in that period. This past weekend, we ended up in a pub together for about 2 hours. She ignored me the entire time, and hugged and kissed on every guy she knew in the place (I am sure for a very specific reason). Then the next day, I run into her and her 3 children who I am VERY attached to, at an outdoor festival, and she sees me before they do and steers them away from me as fast as possible. I noticed, so I turned the other direction and walked away. Life still sucked for me BEFORE this weekend... It's not easy.
rosadeldesierto Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 You're not alone... Reaching the 9 months mark here and strict NC:eek: I keep busy with work, friends and family, but miss him like a crazy. I am fed up of feeling SO miserable every day lately. Because I was in LDR, I thought it could be easier to move on but not at all. I miss all those little stupid surrealistic things in our relationship. I guess what I miss the most it is him as part of my life. No matter how bad things were here because my ex was always there supporting me. I can tell that after months of not being able to cry, finally I can do that. Sometimes it even seems that I am still in denial. Freaks me out being stuck like that. How was it that wonderful guy he doesn't care about me anymore??? It is true the amazing man I met, he doesn't exist anymore... Sure I'm not feeling same way as day one but hate those ups and downs. Best regards,
Pacman Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 My ex-gf used to have goals. Now all she does is drink, party and hook up with guys. Do I want to be with her ever again? Hell no. Do I wish for her to change back to the way she was when we were dating Hell no. Because then I would start liking her again 1
kindest Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I must be lucky because I have never seen my ex post BU. We've been broken up for 6 months now. However we have kept in touch for the past 4 months and it was hell. NC for 13 days now and though I still wake up with a broken heart, I am feeling a little better because I know I am on the way to healing. I've been reading a book about healing after a breakup and it's helping somehow. We'll get there. 1
big bear Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I am in the same boat. Keep thinking of her all the time. Hopefully this too shall pass. I hope one day I am able to forget her.
winstonsdreams Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 kindest can i ask where you got that book from? Sounds like some good reading!
96nole Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 7 months since I threw her out for the last time for cheating. 3 months since the divorce was final. I've been in absolute strict NC for over a month now. I haven't initiated any contact with that woman since the divorce was finalized. I hated anytime I saw a text or email from her. I now have her phone blocked so she can't call or text. I have all of her email addresses blocked from all of my email addresses. We each blocked each other from facebook months ago. Time is part of the healing/moving on process. Today I feel better than I did 3 months ago. In 3 months I'll feel better than I do today. Today I'm light years ahead of where I was the first week after I had to throw her out. I still think about it. I still wish she didn't become the person she did. But there isn't anything I can or could do about it. So I trudge on. But everyday my footsteps get lighter. So will yours. 1
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