PaperStSoap Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Let me first introduce my situation. Until my mid 20's I never really had any meaningful relationships. Problems with commitment I suppose. But finally I met someone that I actually fell in love with. We went out for about 2 years and I never doubted that she loved me. In retrospect she was an amazing girlfriend although he did have her fair share of self esteem issues like myself. She seemed like she had guys, really nice guys, chasing her growing up but from how she described it, she never gave back anything, perhaps even using them for emotional support. I was also her first real love. So both of knew it was our first real relationship and she gave everything she had to make it work. I on the other hand was a selfish prick. Her main complaint when she broke it off was that I wasn't consistent as a boyfriend. I would have my hot and cold moments, mostly cold because I'm a very moody person. She talked about how she felt like she took care of me more than I took care of her and that she wanted to be selfish for the first time in a while. So she asked for a break but I tend to think of breaks as a break up. I took responsibility for why she was breaking up and didn't beg her to stay because this was something we've fought about before I knew that nothing I could say would change her mind. In the beginning I was sad but it wasn't until about 3-4 months after the breakup the heartbreak kicked in. Then the crazy emotional side came out. Which has alleviated but am still dealing with somewhat. I'm very much a kind of guy that needs to know exactly what happened and what's going on. The emotional side of me is saying that there's a part of her that wished I fought for her and really try to change for her. It's been about 4 months and there's a part of me that thinks she feels this way, waiting for me to get my act together and win her back. On the other hand, me being a rational person, I know I'm just being crazy but since I've never been in a relationship I figured I would ask on this board. So when she broke up with me she said she still loves me but wants to be friends. I told her I couldn't do that. We had a few emails back and forth early on just saying what's up but those completely stopped. Recently she ran into my friends and from what my friends said they had a short discussion of me and asked if I seemed different, if I changed. I've been thinking about trying to talk to her again maybe slowly trying to win her back but I don't know. Let me repeat, at this point, I've lost my mind and anything I do is a liability. Any advice?
hinatticus Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Don't try to win her back in this state of mind you're in. You have to fully heal and let her come to you. Most people on this forum will say that. Thing is, by the time you're healed and moved on, you won't want her back. The only time reconciliations work is when both people take a look at themselves and work on their own problems. Enough time has to pass as well. Good luck
Pacman Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 How about you work on yourself first, then work on getting her back? Like she said, you were hot and cold and moody. No girl would like a guy on PMS. Not to sound rude, but it seems she communicated what the problem was, but you decided to ignore it. Why are you so hot and cold, moody? Think about where the problem lies. Solve it. Then win her back. Everyone has baggage, but if you can solve it, why not make it lighter for your partner ?
BoroRach Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I broke up with my boyfriend 18 months ago. He was awful to me at the time and humiliated me on Facebook but came grovelling back only weeks later. As I did, and still do, love him I took him back and tried to make it work. It did work for a while but once a relationship has been broken it will never feel the same. We have now split up for the second time and going through that heartbreak all over again. This time it has to be over. I'll always love him and I'm devastated that we couldn't make it work but I have to think of myself now. A friend said to me 'never go back, there was a very good reason for a split' she was so right and I wish I'd listened as it would spare me this pain now. Take it from me, I went through one heartbreak and I'm struggling through the second one now, don't do it to yourself.
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