Boyfriend trouble

[ImWishingUponAStar]

I am currently living with my boyfriend, he was my fiance, but after this happened we got UN-engaged.. I am currently almost 7 months pregnant with his baby girl. We have been together for awhile, but a month ago I found out he was talking to his ex(she lives no where near here.) He told me and swore on my life when I found her voicemail, that he only talked to her once and that was it. Two days after finding out about that, his ex told me that they were talking back and forth between texts, facebook, and calls for about two months. My boyfriend denied this. So then I was talking to his ex and about two weeks ago she gives me their whole conversation, because I asked her for the complete truth and told her that my boyfriend wasn't telling me anything..She told me that he told me that I knew they was talking and I was okay with it..big lie. So I went through the conversation that his ex gave me, and he talked a bunch of crap..he called me a bitc and a whore multiple times. He told her he wishes she was the mother of the baby instead of me. He had no feelings for me at all. That his heart was calling out for her and he wants to move over to where she is to be with her.

 

Here's a few things my boyfriend has said:

 

• I'm pressuring him to get married and he doesn't want to(I never pressured him at all. We haven't even talked about marriage since he proposed to me.)
  
• "i cant wait till this nightmare is over, i wish i was free from my misery"
  
• "is that suppose to mean that if i wanted to go back with you, you wouldn't take me back cause i have a child? D: .........it wouldn't of happen if we would of still been together, i don't regret my seed cause she is part of me but i do regret most of this relationship"
  
• "I like talking to u You were like my other half"
  
• ";( why did u let me leave u so easy Oh ye u cheated on me D:"
  
• "whatever I felt for the bitch is vanished, my heart dont call for her no more"
  
• "Well i miss when it was u and me, sorry got a full house today ill hit u up tomorrow if ur on"
  
• "Btw i cant call my seed anymore a son or he, cause its a she and im not excited as much as before even thought they asked im if i was cold.hearted cause i.show no feelings for anything....except for when i talking to you ofc i feel a tingle inside my stomach and the.heart trying to.bust out for u,"
  

 

So after finding out all this..I confronted him about it and he said it was all bs..I then showed him the conversation and said it was MY fault that he did this because he hated me. I've tried getting over this but I can't...I still love him that much I know but I don't know what to do..since this all happened my boyfriend's been fighting to try to keep me with him. He's been sweet, nice and all cuddly. But I don't trust him . Like yesterday, he took his phone in the shower with him, and he always keeps it in the room so I can call my mom. At first he kept it on the bed, and went to the shower and then I checked the phone and he came back for it and took it to the shower with him(he didnt know I checked it) When he came back I asked why he took it with him. He told me the phone was dead anyway, which was a lie because it had half battery. So I told him that, and then he changed his excuse to 'I was watching youtube in the shower.' What should i do?

Edited August 22, 2012 by ImWishingUponAStar

[willieverbsher]

Wow, what a jerk! Smart choice to not marry him after all that.

 

If it were me, I would move out, and think about things while not with him. It doesn't mean break up, but it will be easier to look at your relationship with him while you're away. Plus, he will realize what he screwed up once it's gone. That's how that usually works with A holes. (I have been in a very similar situation, many years ago when I was just out of high school, and leaving was the best decision to go with on him. I wasn't pregnant though, and I imagine that throws a big wrench into it all, but for your child, expect and accept only the best. Pick which lesson you want your daughter to learn.

 

I'm sure you can get assistance of some sort to help get your own place, and He will have to pay child support as well.

 

You can't just stay with him after all that happened. He needs to know you demand respect ( and you must demand it)

 

Good luck, I am sure it will all work out for you...with or with out him.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Look...unfortunately you're on the boarder of complete insanity, that only thing keeping you there is not giving into this BS and continuing this relationship with him. If you choose to be with him you might as well play dead, you have nothing...everything you've ever thought and imagined you had with him doesn't exist...you live a lie, you accept his outlandish behavior and you condemn yourself as a person with no value if you accept this...its the ultimate submission and a grave display of your lack of self esteem and security.

 

Everything that guy said was the complete truth...exaggerated and made cruel so that he could gain the favor of his ex gf so she would go back with him. don't believe a singe thing this guy tells you, as a man I can tell you he is 100 percent without a doubt lying to you and you know it, only you could make yourself be foolish enough to even consider it for a moment.

 

Letting your "love" get in the way of your dignity is an absolute shame...It's a shame you would rather be with a man who talks about you like this and tries to shun you and your child away so that you could live in denial and be with him just because he's pretending to kiss your butt because he got oh so busted.

 

You're so fortune to have been able to talk with the ex and find out the truth, this guy would have absolutely denied and lied to you forever about this...you are extremely lucky and this is a huge sign, this is your opportunity to see the reality instead of stop living with your head in the clouds hoping this is all magically going to come true to this perfect little life, you will continue to be miserable, he won't change and he'll cheat on you If not his ex but with someone else, I promise you that.

 

I hope for yourself you stand up and tell yourself not to be this weak, and to have more self respect not only for yourself but for your child...he went low and as far as he could to belittle your worth and your child's. This guy will lie out of his butt and make promises he can't keep, he'll say anything he wants to just to keep you around and get what he wants but ultimately it's not for you...it's for him...he doesn't care about you...you can be assured that he's trying to patch things up with the ex as well as with you..he's not going to change, for you, the baby, or anything or anyone else...this is who and how he is.

 

Give yourself a chance to get some stability into your life on your own without him before bringing a child into this destructive relationship, all you're going to do is make another victim and what are you going to do...sit and cry in the corner and tell everyone it's because you loved him? have more pride in that, have some shame so you can at least respect yourself for being with this guy. You don't have to live like this and this definitely isn't worth fighting for...this is not what love is, this is your issues of insecurity and vulnerability, and the fear overcoming you...learn to treat yourself like a real human being by taking a stand for yourself.

 

You have so much to lose by continuing to waste your time with this guy...he's not going to be honest and tell you the truth, he's not going to change, and he's not going to admit it to you because you're dumb enough to believe all his lies and stick around...then you teach him that he doesn't have to respect you...It's like a child that gets told they're going to get punished but never do, sure the yelling at best aggravates them but they continue on anyway.

 

You're a complete and utter fool If you continue this relationship, I don't care what you delude yourself into believing this is about or what excuses you make...you are dooming yourself truly If you continue this relationship with a manipulating liar and at that point you have yourself to blame...It's just a shame that you don't have the heart to realize that you are worth more than that If you do continue..that's the truly sad part that you think this is ok because you love him...when you merely add some time before he screws up or leaves you in the future anyways.

[all_hail_me]

OP, I feel so bad for you and your baby on the way. You need to get out of that situation. Do you have family you can move in with? Anyone to help? You are at your most vulnerable, more than any other point in your life, and he is doing this to you. You need to put your baby first, and your feelings for him last because this is going to be a terrible situation to bring a child into.

 

Please get away from him for you and your baby.

[ImWishingUponAStar]

do you think I'm really with him only because I love him? I know I didn't put in my first post but I'm not only with him because of that. I didn't want my daughter growing up without a father..I grew up without one and so did my boyfriend. &&It's not like if we split up she'd still be able to see him. Because all of his family lives in TX. So if we were to split up, we'd be 20,000 miles apart and she'd never be able to see him. And it's not like he's a deadbeat dad because he works, he makes good money, and he's been helping out with buying the babies stuff. I'm just really confused and hurt on why he did this. We went to TX to visit his family because he missed them a lot this past weekend, I told him if he didn't love me, if he didn't want to be with me then to stay there because I didn't want that in my life nor my daughter's and now was his chance to get out if he wanted to. He ended up coming home, and he misses his family a lot but decided to stay here with me. I was very mean, for a couple months, he says that's the reason why he did what he did. But just because my hormones got the best of me that doesn't mean t gave him the right to do what he did... I'm really confused..I've tried leaving him a couple times..but I want my daughter to have a father around..I tried to leave him last night and he got on his knees crying and begging that it was a mistake...I just wish there was a chance that people that cheat can go to not cheating anymore..but I just don't have trust and dont know what to do..

[scatterd]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Being pregnant makes you sensitive as it is. My daughter went through this sort of thing although she lived with us. She did cry allot but after she had the baby she didn't want him. She is happy and has another guy. He regrets it now but what done is done. If he continues to do this you need to let him know you will not stick around. What he is doing is selfish and calous. He needs to know that this is making you sad. I heard when moms sad the baby can feel it. Talk to your parents for support also they can be helpful. I hope he wakes up soon. Big Hugs

[Ninjainpajamas]

do you think I'm really with him only because I love him? I know I didn't put in my first post but I'm not only with him because of that. I didn't want my daughter growing up without a father..I grew up without one and so did my boyfriend. &&It's not like if we split up she'd still be able to see him. Because all of his family lives in TX. So if we were to split up, we'd be 20,000 miles apart and she'd never be able to see him. And it's not like he's a deadbeat dad because he works, he makes good money, and he's been helping out with buying the babies stuff. I'm just really confused and hurt on why he did this. We went to TX to visit his family because he missed them a lot this past weekend, I told him if he didn't love me, if he didn't want to be with me then to stay there because I didn't want that in my life nor my daughter's and now was his chance to get out if he wanted to. He ended up coming home, and he misses his family a lot but decided to stay here with me. I was very mean, for a couple months, he says that's the reason why he did what he did. But just because my hormones got the best of me that doesn't mean t gave him the right to do what he did... I'm really confused..I've tried leaving him a couple times..but I want my daughter to have a father around..I tried to leave him last night and he got on his knees crying and begging that it was a mistake...I just wish there was a chance that people that cheat can go to not cheating anymore..but I just don't have trust and dont know what to do..

 

That goes without saying Wishing...obviously you want the father to be in the picture just like any other normal human being, most people aren't like "hey, I really want to be a single parent!". What you're waiting on is being pushed too far, the fact that he hasn't done that already shows how deep in a hole you really are...one day you'll look back at this (because I can pretty much guarantee you this relationship won't last regardless of what you think) and wish you'd have left sooner. Right now you can't even see the other side because you're so conditioned to this situation, you actually think its something to lose. When you've just lost yourself trying to stay in it.

 

He's going to still have a job and make money If you aren't with him, you do realize this right?

 

Didn't I say he would do anything and lie to you about anything?

 

But go ahead, fall for the nice treatment that's going to last the next few months...go ahead and buy the lies and try to put trust back into him while you build your trust only for him to see the slack you're giving him and start screwing around behind your back again...of course all for the family! Ignore all the problems and issues in your relationship, the honest truth is it was a bad idea to get pregnant by this guy in the first place..but that's already done...now since you don't want to leave him because you obviously haven't had enough dirt kicked in your face and he still has the power of manipulation over you you'll give this another "shot".

 

But mark my words..he won't change so you just sit in the mirror and complain and b!tch to yourself about this relationshp because you're the one who wants it...don't go crying around to everyone acting like the victim having to listen to you complain about the same crap as you go on this never ending merry-go-round with the douchebag...people are going to get tired of hearing you because you're just being stupid and having unrealistic expectations...you need to wake up and see the reality. Stop using excuses, and start finding solutions, or just keep crying about it...nothing is going to change and eventually people are just going to start shaking their head at you thinking "poor girl" but she's hopeless because she "loves" him and wants him to be apart of the childs life....when him being a good father has nothing to do with you, it doesn't mean you tolerate whatever he throws at you and sacrifice everything just for that ideal...in the end you're going to lose it anyway.

 

Keep wishing on a star, throw some pennies in a fountain, go to disneyland, break a few chicken bones, and blow out a few dandelions or eye-lashes but don't be surprised if in the end you just have to be an adult, accept responsibility in your life and your decisions, a mother and a responsible person...It's not going to be all about you anymore soon...If you think you're neglected now, wait until he's doing it to the both of you...he's going to at best feel forced into being with you and into this role, he won't be happy so he'll cheat or take it out on you.

[venusianx13]

In some ways, your story sounds similar to what I went through with my son's father. Considering that, I will tell you that one of the biggest mistakes I made was staying with him through the entirety of my pregnancy and 6 months beyond my son's birth. What should have been a happy time was miserable for me, and I left with my son to live with family, eventually. OP, if you have family, please go stay with them. Looking back, I wasted too much time and effort on someone who didn't deserve me or our son. It wreaked havoc on my emotional state, and I am convinced it's why I had complications during month 8 (two weeks in the hospital with a very bad kidney infection, almost went into labor). For the sake of your emotional and physical health, leave this man, at least for now. Your baby deserves a happy, healthy and emotionally present Mommy when she is born.

[ImWishingUponAStar]

All of you guys are saying to leave him, but its easier to say then do it..How to leave someone you still love? I've tried to leave him multiple times but he would break down crying, real tears, begging me to give him another chance. Then my heart would hurt so much, and I just give into him. How do you make it easier ? Don't all people make mistakes....? How to make it easier to leave him...because it breaks my heart when I see him breaking down crying.

[venusianx13]

If you are dead-set against leaving him for good, I'd recommend you at least move out. Give yourself space and time to heal from these serious wounds. Right now, he appears to have you wrapped around his finger. He thinks he can do anything he wants, and as long as he begs you back and cries, you'll give in. He is manipulating you.

 

This time absolutely needs to be pleasant and stress-free for you (and your baby). Please remember, I have been where you are. I wanted all the same things (for my son to have a present dad, to make things work as a family), but in hindsight, I wish I'd done a lot differently. I wish I'd walked out that door sooner...

[all_hail_me]

There is always the option of going to couples therapy, but I would do this sooner rather than later. If you are set on staying with him, this is kind of your only option to sort out your issues because waiting for someone to change is a complete waste of effort and time.