aanderson088 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I've cheated and broken up with her multiple times. I'm aware of my mistakes and currently dealing with my guilt. It was 8/14 when she emailed me, breaking it off because I was talking to girls I hooked up with before we met. She saw pictures of me with those girls so I understand why she didn't want me talking to them. I was being selfish and rebellious against the new rules we needed in the relationship to rebuild the trust. Nothing was going on and in fact, the day after she broke it off, that girl she was upset about was in my roommates bedroom. That fact is irrelevant, I know. It's now 8 days later and she is seeing someone else. I don't blame her. She wants to be happy. She should want to move on. I asked her how she could already not love me and be with this other guy. She told me that she never said she didn't love me. I'm not sleeping. I don't eat. I get sick or dizzy when I think about her moving on. I don't feel jealousy or anger for her seeing someone else. It's taken me a very long time to finally see her pain and to really admit my guilt and to face it and accept it. She says that no one knows what the future holds. I have prayed almost every night since I last saw her (only about 4-5 times) that we come back together. I have a very specific plan set for rebuilding should she give me another chance. I am committed and prepared to do whatever it takes for how ever long it takes. I know that the likelihood of her returning to me is 0%, but I still hope. I am trying very hard VERY hard to go NC. It's been about 25 hours now... She said she wanted to move on and see what new things her life has for her and that I need to respect that. She's been very nice and careful (after sharing some very harsh words) which is far more than I deserve. I've said time and time again that I will change. She's trusted me every time and I've only ever just let her down. I've been seeing a counselor for months and it's going very slowly, but it is going. I will be working on myself 100% while she is away. I'm not making the changes for her, though they would benefit us both. I am making them because I need to recover my humanity and build back the trust and respect I once had for myself. If anyone has kind words or a story that's similar with a happy ending, please do share.
Drseussgrrl Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Dude. You've cheated on her and dumped her multiple times? Please allow her to move on. You had your chance and you mucked it up, hurting someone very badly in the process. You only want her back now because it seems she's found someone else to make her happy, and that makes you jealous. Change for yourself and your next relationship.
Author aanderson088 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 I don't think it's jealousy. I do know very well what jealousy feels like. I appreciate your response. It's time to just face the issues I have that got us here and to find my strength to move on.
winstonsdreams Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Hey man i know EXACTLY how you feel, maybe i should have posted my thread in here instead of the 'Coping' section. But i broke up with my gf for stupid reasons, and she moved on fast, she went NC with me and i came crawling back, only for her to tell me she found someone. That was 2 months ago, and i have gone 3 weeks NC today. I did treat her amazingly well and certainly never cheated on her, so already you can see areas for self improvement for yourself. My advice is to do what i did, tell her one last time you are deeply sorry and happy that she has found someone that makes her happy. Tell her if she ever needs you, she knows where to find you. Then go NC, this is what i did, it is the ****s but we have to live with our mistakes man, we have to be men about all this right? Dude if it is meant to be, it is meant to be, i just hope you learnt your lesson, like i have had to 2
Author aanderson088 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Yea, I have. It's hard to just deal with it every day. My parents are going through a tough time too. They're trying to rebuild after a separation. My dad is still being a **** head so I hear my mom saying the things that Arryana (the girl I write about) would say. It's tough to watch it happening. It helps me understand EXACTLY where she was coming from and makes me know that I can NEVER do these things to anyone again. I've told her that I am sorry. I wrote her songs and sent long emails, the whole nine yards. Now the situation is out of my hands and I just have to deal. Thanks for your response. I really appreciate it.
desertsessions Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Been through all this dude with a girl I cared deeply for, I acted like an immature fool and lost her. I never cheated, but treated her kind of bad at times. I wish i had done things differently, because I loved that girl with all my heart. Sometimes we need to make these mistakes to better ourselves though. I'll probably never see her again and it sucks, but I've changed myself so much...and probably never would have if i hadn't gone through such a rough break up. Stay strong dude. 1
Author aanderson088 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 Been through all this dude with a girl I cared deeply for, I acted like an immature fool and lost her. I never cheated, but treated her kind of bad at times. I wish i had done things differently, because I loved that girl with all my heart. Sometimes we need to make these mistakes to better ourselves though. I'll probably never see her again and it sucks, but I've changed myself so much...and probably never would have if i hadn't gone through such a rough break up. Stay strong dude. Thanks man. I know that's the truth. I'm just going to make myself better, and happy. If she wants to be a part of it, then f*** yea! If not, I wish her a happy life because she deserves it. It's weird. My counselor and I were discussing the things that make me happy, if I knew what they were. I said I love helping people. My brother and my parents are in troubled relationships too. Last night I lent them both advice based on my experiences here. I felt so much better this morning than I have in the last 8 days. I'm hoping I'm not bipolar and just going through a manic phase though haha.
Recommended Posts