salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 my ex has been emailing me after 2 years of NC, she ended it. I was crazy in love her, she really tore me apart and ended it for the second time. She has been telling me she misses me as someone in her life and is taking a trip out of town with her girlfriend to meet a mutual friend which happens to be close to where I live (i moved to another state recently) She wants to meet me there and said it would be fun to gat together again. But!!! she sent this email to me when I said I would think about it. "I am booking the flight once I have the time off confirmed. I will let you know when it is definite. I have to be completely honest with you as well. It would be great to see you and we would all have a blast but you should know, I am dating someone. I still would love for you to come see us, we miss you and you are quite dear to me. I think of you and I laugh about the good old times together. I hope this does not bother you and hinder your decision but if it does, I understand." plus a followup: "I just wanted to be clear. The last thing I wanted was for you to come all that way and find out. I was not sure what your reaction would be so I figured I would tell you up front because Mark, there is a part of me that still loves you of course but we just couldn't make it work at the time." any advice?, it sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it too. we had a very romantic, intensely passionate relationship, Does she seriously think I m going to meet her and act as friends?
salmagundi Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Expecting you to go on a trip post breakup with her and her new boyfriend is insane. Is she mentally unbalanced or how is it that she doesn't see how self-centred she is being? In any case, going would be ridiculous. What do you expect to get out of it? Do you want meet the guy, be friends maybe? Go for beers? What does she expect you to get out of it (what does she herself expect to get out of having her new bf and her ex their? A massive narcissistic ego boost? I am being harsh but I went out with a woman once who was capable of this sort of unempathetic ridiculousness. If she were a mature adult, she would break up with you and LEAVE YOU ALONE. If you are a mature adult you will do likewise. Plenty more where she came from...
Gulf-Delta Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Expecting you to go on a trip post breakup with her and her new boyfriend is insane. Is she mentally unbalanced or how is it that she doesn't see how self-centred she is being? In any case, going would be ridiculous. What do you expect to get out of it? Do you want meet the guy, be friends maybe? Go for beers? What does she expect you to get out of it (what does she herself expect to get out of having her new bf and her ex their? A massive narcissistic ego boost? I am being harsh but I went out with a woman once who was capable of this sort of unempathetic ridiculousness. If she were a mature adult, she would break up with you and LEAVE YOU ALONE. If you are a mature adult you will do likewise. Plenty more where she came from... Why is it insane? She has no idea how he feels... As for the girl, she sounds like a wreck (part of her still loves you, but she's with someone else)....
Author salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Hi Salmagundi, shes not bringing her boyfriend, she's bringing a girlfriend to meet another female thats why im confused
Author salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 you thinks she's a wreck you may be right, I don't know what she is looking for in this deal/trip? she's enticing with "i'll pay for everything etc"
Author salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 she contacted me after 2 years NC, I never reached out to her plus I live 1000 miles away, she's choosing a city near me to visit and as far as I know has never been there or know anyone there, she's not bringing her current bf
salmagundi Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Hey sorry, I don't know where I got that her boyfriend was coming. My bad:) So that leads to my next question: why is she inviting you and not him? Of course, I guess you're probably asking the same question. By all means go but you'd do well to manage expectations. In your place i would probably feel all kinds of of pressure to have a hollywood ending, and if nothing happened and it turned out she really digs her new bf and sees you only as a friend, that would be a punishing letdown...
Author salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 salma gundi, yes I wondered why after she told me that, why isn't he going?, could she be misleading me with the dating thing maybe she isn't seeing anyone and i'm overthinking this did i mention i when she first asked me to meet her, I said no, and kept prodding me to go, offering to pay for accomodations/drinks Regardless I didnt plan to go before she told me she was seeing someone anyway
Author salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 one more thing, she's move on very quickly with guys, kicks em to the curb, I'd be curious just to see her (she's very attractive) but not that curious to get my heart stomped again, I would expect a Hollywood ending and its too much a risk vs. reward. (She's too much of a risk, knowing her for the last 5 years)
salmagundi Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I have a guess...maybe things are panning out with he new bf and she's looking to go back to the old tried and true ex? I cannot fathom otherwise what makes her want to see you so bad that she is prepared to pay your way...
Author salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 oh you mean its not panning out and she wants to see me to see if anything is there, hmmm,, didnt think of that Yea I don't why she seems so motivated to get me there ( Columbus, OH BTW) I bet by saying no , it may shake her up even more, don't you think?
8mia8 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 If I were in her shoes, I would think that it's been two years and you should be over it. If it was a good relationship, I see no reason why you can't be friends after all the time. Since you do have feelings though, I'd suggest not meeting or clearing it up beforehand.
Author salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 8mia8 that may be so, but she's willing to pay for me to go? sounds like more than friends to me or maybe I'm way off, I never planned on going, it didnt end well 2 yrs ago
It's Just Me Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I sure as hell would not go if the last guy who broke my heart sent me a similar email. And it's been four years of NC for me. Not a chance. Being friends is not an option, either. Done means done, in my books.
8mia8 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 but she's willing to pay for me to go? I'd pay for a good friend. Er, that sounded wrong but you know what I mean. If you don't plan on going, then what does it matter?
Author salem mark Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 im just curious what's going on in her head, but I guess no one ever knows, right?
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I think this situation is one that almost everyone on here hopes. Their ex reaching out, saying they still care, still love us etc. etc. The only thing here is (coming from another girl's perspective) the others are right, if she was committed to this new guy, she wouldn't be hitting up her ex bf of all this time because she "all of sudden" misses you. Immature girls that don't know themselves well will do this. She might not even know what she's doing but this new guy is obviously not giving her everything she needs, so you pop up in her mind as someone that would bend over backwards to make her happy, so now you are in the forefront of her mind. So good news is: you'll probably be able to hook up with her on the trip. Bad news: She'll hook up with you, feel guilty for cheating and then stop contacting you and make up some story in her head about how it was all you initiating it, that she had no intention of hooking up with you and justify it enough to stay with this guy. Then months/years down the line, he'll probably break up with her because by hooking up with you it'll make her "cling" onto this bad relationship. If I were you, I wouldn't go. This already sounds like a mess. I would be straight up and say you don't think it is right to hang out with her while she has a boyfriend, but that if in the future she is single and wants to catch up with you, then you'd be more than happy too. Don't get wrapped up in her new drama.. it'll only mess you up. 2
Author salem mark Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 hindsight 20-20 that is the best advice I've ever heard on this site, thank you so much, i needed to hear that. I didnt plan on going, and i predict it would end messy and just make me feel bad, i feel sorry for her in some way, she's alot of work and made me remmeber how difficult and unstable she could be
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