Breakthewallsdown Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I've never had luck with dating. Spent some lonely teen years. But now finally found someone. I have a hard time opening up to people but decided to this time and well of course that went to eventually falling in love. We had a good connection and good communication but that led to the problem and that problem being her ex. He would be brought up from time to time. So it was obvious there were some issues there. She went from hate from wanting to make peace and back and forth. They had a rocky relationship with drugs and abuse and his cheating. Well fast forward months and months and now she has left me. Which was hard enough but a week after leaving me they had a run in and they have made up and are not just getting close again. To the point where she is considering give it another shot with him. And so my worst fear came true. I always feared that maybe she was in love with him the whole time and I was just simply there. She swears she loved me and that she didnt think this would happen and that she would run into her ex blah blah blah. But I am obviously hurt and now I just dont know how I will ever open myself up again to anyone. I loved hard and deep with this one only to have her love some abuser the whole time. And I ugh idk. I am just a depressed mess and dont even know what my question is lol. Just how do I move on feeling second best and back to alone how I spent most of my life..
Imajerk17 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I hate to say it, but I've learned that the worse her previous relationship was, the more likely it is that she will try to get back together with the ex. There are exceptions of course but this is a decent rule of thumb. How did you and she meet? And why did you and she end it? What reason did she give you for leaving? 1
Radu Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I've never had luck with dating. Spent some lonely teen years. But now finally found someone. I have a hard time opening up to people but decided to this time and well of course that went to eventually falling in love. You make your own luck. I understand having a hard time trusting ppl, i'm also like that ... i open up very hard and automatically shut down if some of my private stuff gets leaked. We had a good connection and good communication but that led to the problem and that problem being her ex. He would be brought up from time to time. So it was obvious there were some issues there. She went from hate from wanting to make peace and back and forth. They had a rocky relationship with drugs and abuse and his cheating. Someone who is over their ex, doesn't bring him/her up anymore. It's at a stage where it's all neutral, it's a 'meh' state. Hate is an emotion, the fact that she had hate for him and kept bringing him up means she had some feelings for him there. Well fast forward months and months and now she has left me. Which was hard enough but a week after leaving me they had a run in and they have made up and are not just getting close again. To the point where she is considering give it another shot with him. She didn't 'run into him'. She left you for him. It's that simple. And so my worst fear came true. I always feared that maybe she was in love with him the whole time and I was just simply there. She swears she loved me and that she didnt think this would happen and that she would run into her ex blah blah blah. You were a rebound. But I am obviously hurt and now I just dont know how I will ever open myself up again to anyone. I loved hard and deep with this one only to have her love some abuser the whole time. I'll tell you something to make you feel better. She went back to him because she doesn't think she deserves better, because she feels that he is what she deserves. It won't work out between them. And I ugh idk. I am just a depressed mess and dont even know what my question is lol. Just how do I move on feeling second best and back to alone how I spent most of my life.. Why is a good question. ---- I'll make a prediction for you. She will contact you again in a few months. It will seem like she is apologizing, but she will in reality check up on you to see if you still have feelings for her. That way, if it doesn't work for her with this guy, she always has you to fall back on. If you fall for it, you become the back-up, the backburner. It's a very general rule which concerns women, they never leave a relationship unless they have something setup. Emotional, financial ... whatever, they have a plan. When a woman leaves, she has a plan, she thought it through. Look up the 180, and implement it. When she returns, she needs to find you in a better place so you won't fall for it. Also, look up future faking and rebounds.
Author Breakthewallsdown Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 I hate to say it, but I've learned that the worse her previous relationship was, the more likely it is that she will try to get back together with the ex. There are exceptions of course but this is a decent rule of thumb. How did you and she meet? And why did you and she end it? What reason did she give you for leaving? We met on the dastardly internet. Not a dating site tho. She ended it because we live in different towns and said we were becoming more like friends but truth is she is the one who distanced herself.
Author Breakthewallsdown Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 You make your own luck. I understand having a hard time trusting ppl, i'm also like that ... i open up very hard and automatically shut down if some of my private stuff gets leaked. Someone who is over their ex, doesn't bring him/her up anymore. It's at a stage where it's all neutral, it's a 'meh' state. Hate is an emotion, the fact that she had hate for him and kept bringing him up means she had some feelings for him there. She didn't 'run into him'. She left you for him. It's that simple. You were a rebound. I'll tell you something to make you feel better. She went back to him because she doesn't think she deserves better, because she feels that he is what she deserves. It won't work out between them. Why is a good question. ---- I'll make a prediction for you. She will contact you again in a few months. It will seem like she is apologizing, but she will in reality check up on you to see if you still have feelings for her. That way, if it doesn't work for her with this guy, she always has you to fall back on. If you fall for it, you become the back-up, the backburner. It's a very general rule which concerns women, they never leave a relationship unless they have something setup. Emotional, financial ... whatever, they have a plan. When a woman leaves, she has a plan, she thought it through. Look up the 180, and implement it. When she returns, she needs to find you in a better place so you won't fall for it. Also, look up future faking and rebounds. I know I was a rebound and that hurts. Tho she denies I was a rebound of course. She says We were meant to get together to teach each other or something. and I know they wont work out if they do get together but yeah. What is truly horrible is I feel like all I was here for was to help her mature only so she can go back to him and use those lesson. Ugh. Depressing.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 She was never over the ex, you were that inbetween filler guy that women use to distract themselves when trying to get over the last guy. Unfortunately your lack of aggression and ability to keep in close proximity with this woman...emotionally and physically, if even emotionally how available she really was being in question...led you to the inevitability of her going back to her ex. For example If i were you, I'd have either dropped her immediately once finding out her interest in her ex (they all say they hate them and all that crap, that's normal...you still drop em) or you don't really give a crap and invested whatever I felt like until she decided to go back to her, eventually probably just cutting her off after giving her a chance to come around. But honestly i wouldn't have likely made it a quarter as far as you have and read the writing on the wall...I wouldn't have had expectations because I could tell where she was emotionally. And really that was your mistake, not taking note and realizing where she was emotionally yet giving yourself fully to the situation regardless. Women do it all of the time, and it ends typically in the same manner. You need to be careful who you give your heart to, but you also need to react to the big red flags when you see them because you might meet the next girl that you feel this way about and have all these walls and react to nothing just because now you're scared of getting hurt. Realize the stupid mistakes that you made, learn from it and move on without carrying the baggage. You didn't fail because you loved a girl, you failed because you loved someone who was emotionally unavailable and the sword is just as sharp for either gender. No reason to sulk and change your whole life around it, she's her own person and made her own decision...rest assured he won't change like he promised to her that he would and she'll just end up wasting more years away and not being happy in the end anyway....some people are just too weak to walk away though...don't let her drag you down with her life choices..let her be.
Author Breakthewallsdown Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Yeah you are right. I was pretty stupid for believing her love and stuff. :/
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Yeah you are right. I was pretty stupid for believing her love and stuff. :/ Everybody plays the fool...and If you haven't It's because you were too scared to put your heart out there where it could be stomped on. That's no braver than hiding in a cave and just to say you never weathered a storm. However to the degree you'll play that fool is up to you. 3
Author Breakthewallsdown Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Everybody plays the fool...and If you haven't It's because you were too scared to put your heart out there where it could be stomped on. That's no braver than hiding in a cave and just to say you never weathered a storm. However to the degree you'll play that fool is up to you. Well I dont want to play the fool anymore. So hopefully I wont. lol.
thatone Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Well I dont want to play the fool anymore. So hopefully I wont. lol. the lesson is stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. apply them. psycho/abusive/drug addicted ex boyfriend = drama queen.
TheFinalWord Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Sorry to hear about that friend....get better soon All relationship advice is in this video 1
Radu Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) I know I was a rebound and that hurts. Tho she denies I was a rebound of course. She says We were meant to get together to teach each other or something. and I know they wont work out if they do get together but yeah. What is truly horrible is I feel like all I was here for was to help her mature only so she can go back to him and use those lesson. Ugh. Depressing. She says that because if she admitted it was a rebound, she would have to face herself in the mirror, the ugly self. And she doesn't want to do that, so she comes up with some cosmic order of things that deemed it necessary for you to be sacrificed on the altar of pus*y. Sorry to hear about that friend....get better soon All relationship advice is in this video Completely agree. the lesson is stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. apply them. psycho/abusive/drug addicted ex boyfriend = drama queen. The only ppl who will tell you that stereotypes are bad in life are liberal dbags and women. And the latter will know in the first few minutes if you are her type or not when you approach. So embrace stereotyping. Edited August 23, 2012 by Radu 1
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