Greedee Monkee Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I am not sure how to refer at this point. I believe we are on a break but I could be dead wrong. Backstory: My insecurities have plagued this relationship from the start and its been almost 5 years. I have hurt her in ways I myself am very unhappy with. By insecurities I mean: Faithfulness ( I was always cheated on by other women ), inadequacy, Scared to be alone, and paranoia. These all stem from a conglomeration of past relationships ( if you want to call them that ). She finally had enough. Problem : Last Wed she said she needed her space to think. I knew what the outcome was. I spent Wed-Sat realizing how badly I hurt her and worked on myself because I knew these insecurities were the problem. My friends helped. I went to therapy, and I had another apointment today. Sunday came around and we met up to talk. I told her about my newly discovered self and what I was doing to manage the corrections. This has been promised to her in the past so of course she doesnt believe me. I know she has her doubts but I really want her back. Ive complained about my weight. I got a gym membership and go with my friend who is a personal trainer. Ive been eating better. I have regular scheduled appointments with my therapist to help me continue to ward off these insecurities. She said she needed time to find herself because my insecurites have taken that away. It is now a week later and Im really trying to remain positive I will get her back. I do love myself. I wasnt happy with myself, but I am taking the steps to get myself where i want to be. I know there were other things like space issues. We spent close to everyday together. We kind of neglected friends which was bad, and due to my insecurity I didnt allow her to have a friendship with her ex, who is a good guy. I know friends are important. Even though she wont talk to me I hope she still calls or texts to see I am different. Her exact words were "Fix yourself and the rest will follow." It shines this light at the end of the tunnel, but I really really hope it means I win her heart again. I am no longer this grumpy ogre that stumbles around with no direction or want. I know a few things: I want my career (going to school), I want my health (I quit smoking again. I started again due to this split), I want to lose weight (get from 175-160), and I want her in my life as my finace again. The hardest part of everyday is not the worry of my insecurties because those have been rendered due to my will, continuing will, and my therapist, but the hardest part is not hearing from her. She is my world. She is why I wake up in the morning, she is the air I breathe. I love her so very much and I cant live without her.
Mike_d Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I love her so very much and I cant live without her. yes, you can. and prob will until you sort your emotional problems out. what you describe will kill any relationship now and in the future. you need to fix yourself here
Author Greedee Monkee Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 It is very true I could live without her but I don't want to. I have worked out a lot actually, and my therapist agrees I have made is job lots easier. My emotions are flooded and it's a roller coaster. I have hope it's not over. She has things of mine an I have things of hers. No arrangements to pick them up have been made nor has the words "its over" ever been uttered. Im keeping my spirits up and remaining positive about the whole thing. Just sometimes I break down because I really love her. The change in myself has been made I just need to maintain myself now. That's is why I have the therapist. He's a huge support.
flitzanu Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 honest advice? yes, it's over. "i need time", "i need to think", "i need a break" all mean "breakup". it's just prolonging the process. i'd suggest treating it as a breakup and to stop hanging on the "ifs" and "if nots". just because the words "it's over" haven't been said, doesn't mean that it isn't. trust me, all of us have hung on every word a girl is saying, refusing to believe that it's "over" because they never "said it", but...they all have been over.
Author Greedee Monkee Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 ok well this I did not mention but I will go ahead and throw this into the mix. The other night I was able to see her and I asked if I fixed myself for me first, which in turn will fix the relationship will we get back together. She nodded her head yes. If she has it in her mind that its over why would she do that? She is not a mean or vindictive person.
Mike_d Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 who cares. you have a bunch of work to do. get started and leave her alone for now
Brokendude Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Dude sympathize w u but u kno deep down ur only changing for her. Changing for urself doesnt take one week, and she knows this. Also theres no shot of her coming back to u at this point because she knows u have work to do and she knows ur only doin things for her. The best thing to do here is get urself ready to break off, shut down, face reality and focus on ur insecurities. Ive experienced enough in relationships to kno that ur ex has mentally checked out a long time ago, u need to worry only about urself, u cant be in a relationship until ur fully fully healed man. Stay strong and think and put urself first this time. 1
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