Am313 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Some of you may know I've had problems with my ex-girlfriend. After dumping me about 5 weeks ago, I went NC and she went crazy to get me back, and after weeks of her contacting me, I finally stopped ignoring her and we talked it out. Since then, we've been going back and forth and have had serious talks about us. Last night I asked her if she wanted to hang out, and she ignored me. I knew I should have left it alone but I got drunk instead. I texted her thanks for treating me like a doormat, and she responded with "really? How drunk are you?!" I ignored it and like a half hour later she goes on a rant about how she went home and went to sleep and I treated her like crap by saying that. FYI she went to the bar, she didn't go home and sleep. She cussed me out via text and said she's done with me don't ever contact her again, etc. So 10 minutes later I said "drunk enough to have sex with someone else". She immediately said "glad you did Goodbye!". I texted her why she couldn't call me on my bs and she knows I wouldn't do that, and that I've tried and I can't. At the same time she ranted again and called me on it and she's done for me even suggesting it. She didnt get my text, she just shut her phone off......and she's probably going to block my number. I don't know what to do. I made things so much worse......
youngnlove89 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Some of you may know I've had problems with my ex-girlfriend. After dumping me about 5 weeks ago, I went NC and she went crazy to get me back, and after weeks of her contacting me, I finally stopped ignoring her and we talked it out. Since then, we've been going back and forth and have had serious talks about us. Last night I asked her if she wanted to hang out, and she ignored me. I knew I should have left it alone but I got drunk instead. I texted her thanks for treating me like a doormat, and she responded with "really? How drunk are you?!" I ignored it and like a half hour later she goes on a rant about how she went home and went to sleep and I treated her like crap by saying that. FYI she went to the bar, she didn't go home and sleep. She cussed me out via text and said she's done with me don't ever contact her again, etc. So 10 minutes later I said "drunk enough to have sex with someone else". She immediately said "glad you did Goodbye!". I texted her why she couldn't call me on my bs and she knows I wouldn't do that, and that I've tried and I can't. At the same time she ranted again and called me on it and she's done for me even suggesting it. She didnt get my text, she just shut her phone off......and she's probably going to block my number. I don't know what to do. I made things so much worse...... wow yes, you did. I would have been livid if my ex acted immature and said something so distasetful and heartless. How rude. It would actually help me move on.
Mike_d Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 lol, ya you did... a bunch. but you learned a couple of good lessons 1) acting like a doormat while accusing others of being responsible for your feeling like a doormat isn't very handsome or desirable. sack up and own your own sh.t and your own feelings. Don't like the way that you feel? that's on *you* to figure out 2) drinking brings big emotions onto the table, sometimes a lot of honesty comes out but not usually in a very healthy way. pretty creepy behav. don't put yourself into dangerous emotional areas that you an incapable of handling at the moment 3) you've got the closure you were seeking 5 weeks ago I don't know what to do. I made things so much worse...... you've already done enough. not much more you should do. now you get to sit with this for awhile. but hopefully it stings enough so that you won't do it again in the future, so you've got that going for you, which is good
RogerWallace111 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) Yeah... The drunken anger will get ya ! It sucks to have left it on that sort of note, but as mike d pointed out, looks like you may have the closure you should've had a while ago. Though it will remain to be seen if that's enough to make her stop contacting you. Either way, trying to work things out at this point sounds like it wasn't working anyway, so, if it takes a nasty comment to end it, maybe it's somehow for the best in the long run. I've discovered that whatever terms **** ends on, it doesn't make as huge a difference as you'd think. Anger, resentment, plain sadness, it's all just heartache. After a while, pain is pain, and whether you've said mean **** and driven her away, or she's insisting she loves you but the "timing" is wrong, the past ceases to be the issue and you're left with the present/future. It's nice to have a "clear conscience" but love will drive people to do/say crazy **** and you have to learn to forgive yourself. Edited August 22, 2012 by RogerWallace111 1
flitzanu Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Some of you may know I've had problems with my ex-girlfriend. After dumping me about 5 weeks ago, I went NC and she went crazy to get me back, and after weeks of her contacting me, I finally stopped ignoring her and we talked it out. Since then, we've been going back and forth and have had serious talks about us. Last night I asked her if she wanted to hang out, and she ignored me. I knew I should have left it alone but I got drunk instead. I texted her thanks for treating me like a doormat, and she responded with "really? How drunk are you?!" I ignored it and like a half hour later she goes on a rant about how she went home and went to sleep and I treated her like crap by saying that. FYI she went to the bar, she didn't go home and sleep. She cussed me out via text and said she's done with me don't ever contact her again, etc. So 10 minutes later I said "drunk enough to have sex with someone else". She immediately said "glad you did Goodbye!". I texted her why she couldn't call me on my bs and she knows I wouldn't do that, and that I've tried and I can't. At the same time she ranted again and called me on it and she's done for me even suggesting it. She didnt get my text, she just shut her phone off......and she's probably going to block my number. I don't know what to do. I made things so much worse...... how about you stop being an insecure baby and let her have a life without spending every second with you? playing immature games over text just to push and pull guilt out of each other isn't healthy, and i'd venture that your "relationship" certainly won't last much further at this rate. 1
Crila16 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Oh please. If this girl loves you and wants to be with you...there is absolutely no way you could screw it up no matter what you did, short of killing her puppy. You just screwed it up for now. If this girl is not in love with you, she'll use that as an excuse to break up with you for good. If she loves you, she'll eventually get over it and want to talk about it. Thinks about it. When you love someone, no matter what they say or do, you're going to keep giving them chance after chance, because you're going to want to resolve it. If you didn't want to resolve it, you would just cut them off. THere are people asking for advice on this site, because they're boyfriends/girlfriends have done unforgiveable things to them, yet they're still willing to give them another chance. When the heart is involved, there is no logic.
Author Am313 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 how about you stop being an insecure baby and let her have a life without spending every second with you? playing immature games over text just to push and pull guilt out of each other isn't healthy, and i'd venture that your "relationship" certainly won't last much further at this rate. I know you're, right. I don't normally get that way, maybe it was the alcohol. If she said she was doing something else I wouldn't care, it's not like that's never happened before, it was that she ignored me, because she never does that. But even then I let it go and said whatever. It wasn't until I started drinking.....
Author Am313 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 I hate to admit this but most days since she split up with me I've drank. Throughout the day I thought about her but it didn't hurt, I accepted it, but I still had my thoughts. I drank to sleep. I'd sit outside, listen to music, have 4-5 beers (sometimes more) and then I'd be able to go to bed without my thoughts haunting me. I wrote her an email apologizing, not too long, but I was honest and I needed to say I'm sorry, knowing she wouldn't reply......even though I hope she will. I want to leave it at that, I want to not contact her and drop everything.
Floored Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Ahhh, that feeling when you wake up in the morning and realize you said some really, really stupid stuff on the phone with your ex, and then having to face the morning of pissed-off ex texts. Good times, good times. Learn from my mistake: do NOT try to fix it. There is literally nothing in the world that you can do to fix it, only time will help fade that awful conversation. If she hasn't already, she will in time realize you were only saying that because you were drunk and looking to get a rise out of her. /at least she wasn't telling you about the dudes in her love life //silver lining?
flitzanu Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I know you're, right. I don't normally get that way, maybe it was the alcohol. If she said she was doing something else I wouldn't care, it's not like that's never happened before, it was that she ignored me, because she never does that. But even then I let it go and said whatever. It wasn't until I started drinking..... i know it's tough dude, we all go through those urges, but all i can say is that it's definitely NOT going to help you
Author Am313 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Yeah, I told myself to keep my mouth shut and you'll be fine. Say one freakin' word and you will eff things up. I knew we were very delicate and the slightest thing could mess things up. I increasingly felt like a doormat. There when she needed to me, but not when I wanted to hang out. I truthfully, genuinely don't believe that was the case, but I still felt that way. It really wasn't until today when someone posted on this thread that I let myself feel that way, it's not her fault. I guess that's true. Chemistry wise, we are perfect for each other. Personality wise, we aren't so good. Emotionally and physically we were connected very well, but our personalities clashed so much. I feel like Robert De Niro at the end of Casino, talking about how terrible things were but he'd still take her back. Maybe my ego is just bruised, maybe I'm lonely, maybe I love her don't wan't to lose her, maybe it's all three....I dunno. I'm gonna try my best to not contact her. I've gotten good at it, whenever we fought or when she would need "space" (re: breakup) I would just keep my mouth shut. But even if she came back, my heart would want her but my head wouldn't.
flitzanu Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Yeah, I told myself to keep my mouth shut and you'll be fine. Say one freakin' word and you will eff things up. I knew we were very delicate and the slightest thing could mess things up. I increasingly felt like a doormat. There when she needed to me, but not when I wanted to hang out. I truthfully, genuinely don't believe that was the case, but I still felt that way. It really wasn't until today when someone posted on this thread that I let myself feel that way, it's not her fault. I guess that's true. Chemistry wise, we are perfect for each other. Personality wise, we aren't so good. Emotionally and physically we were connected very well, but our personalities clashed so much. I feel like Robert De Niro at the end of Casino, talking about how terrible things were but he'd still take her back. Maybe my ego is just bruised, maybe I'm lonely, maybe I love her don't wan't to lose her, maybe it's all three....I dunno. I'm gonna try my best to not contact her. I've gotten good at it, whenever we fought or when she would need "space" (re: breakup) I would just keep my mouth shut. But even if she came back, my heart would want her but my head wouldn't. it's sadly true, the less "talking" during a fight the better. all we tend to do is prod the other and try to get a reaction, and nothing good ever comes of it. stay strong.
Author Am313 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 Yeah, I'm trying. I'm really hoping time makes it easier for me. I know what I said was terrible, but I can't believe that this would make her hate me so much, but apparently it is.
flitzanu Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Yeah, I'm trying. I'm really hoping time makes it easier for me. I know what I said was terrible, but I can't believe that this would make her hate me so much, but apparently it is. one thing to remember, usually when it gets this bad, they've already made up their mind BEFORE you've made your stupid mistake. it just gives them leverage to point the finger at you and blame you for everything instead of taking half the responsibility. as someone wise on here once said (sadly i don't remember who), you are only responsible for 50% of the relationship. don't ever presume you're 100% responsible. 1
Author Am313 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 (edited) Well, she had no problem near the end telling me what my problems were and what hers were. The reasons I felt like a doormat were simple: I was there when she wanted but not when I wanted. She'd get distant for a few days and then text me that she misses me. I broke things off and she saw me with someone else (not even romantically) and she wanted me back. She dumped me weeks before that, I ignore her and she wants me back. I told her to her face I can't help her feel better about breaking up with me, I can't ease the pain. She swore up and down she wasn't doing that and that we "belong together" and she's an idiot for letting me go. I'm getting mad just thinking about it, that I was there to help her feel better about breaking up with me, that I was her doormat. What's worse is that I let it happen because I wanted her. I just wish she could have walked away without using me. Intentional or not, I was used. I wish I would go back to a few weeks ago when I wasn't hurting. It's like the pain she had was transferred over to me. I take it away, I'm the one in pain so she doesn't have to hurt. And I'm sure she's not. Edited August 24, 2012 by Am313
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