Tough Situation

[damyst]

So here's the rub and Im posting here because it doesn't seem to fit in the break and break up forum.

 

My gf of the past year told me about two days ago that she need some time to herself that she felt that she has spread herself to thin and had a feeling that she was in a rut in life and couldn't manage any drive for anything in life right now including us but doesn't want to break up just wants some time where she can do stuff for her.

 

She says that she sees her future with me and that this being her first real adult and long term relationship she feels overwhelmed and and it freaks her out and that she isn't use to these emotions.

 

So I guess my question is this...is this just what we need or is there more to it because quite frankly every internet message board is different and some people don't give sound advice and I would particularly like a woman's view point on this especially if you have experienced the same thing.

 

Thanks

[TaraMaiden]

Are you telling us she's asking for a 'break'?

 

That - as far as long experience relates here - is as good as 'break UP.'

 

The fact is, she's probably being honest with regard to how she's feeling and why - but I think she may be deluding you - and herself - into believing a break will do the trick.

 

OK, if she wants a break, tell her this:

 

"Ok, if it's a break you want, a break we will have.

I will give you three weeks. Three weeks of no contact, no phoning, no texting, no 'hi how are you', no emailing, no seeing each other at all, in any way shape or form - but on *1st day after end of "No Contact" I expect you to call me and let me know precisely what it is you want, and I hope 3 weeks is going to be long enough, because i love you so much I would take a bullet for you - but I'm not prepared to suspend my life for an unknown period of time, just so's you can go off and 'do stuff for yourself' then come back after that indeterminate period of time and find me still here waiting for you to get your act together.

I'm fine, I know what I want. I want you.

If you're unsure, take 3 weeks and do what you need to do.

But - and this is the clincher - there had better not be someone else in the wings and I'm not agreeing to three weeks of break for either of us to see other people. We stay exclusive - and on *date*, you can call me and tell me what you want.

If I don't hear from you then, I'll consider this over.

But don't take the coward's way out and just never call at all."

[damyst]

First, thank you for the reply and insight.

 

Second, no she's not asking for a break. That's why i didn't post it there and I'm not trying to sound delusional, I'm just going off what she told me and that she feels like between her two jobs which she works 6-7 days a week and the start of going back to school. She just feels stretched too thin and stressed and when I say time for her to do stuff and from what she has told me is that she just needs some "me time" time for her to unwind and just be alone to herself with no people around so she can recharge.

 

I understand her need for recharging and all between all the social demands of life, school and work as I just recently graduated myself.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, then, you need to clarify with her precisely what it is she's asking for....

 

It's all very well people saying they need 'me' time - we all do - but what exactly is it she wants?

[damyst]

That's what we done two days ago but I guess that I'm probably thinking the worse when all she really does want is space and I don't want to push her further away by violating the "rules" we set in place and its just frustrating knowing someone daily schedule and knowing that there is no interaction that you can do at the moment

[damyst]

I guess I should also mention that this was done on my terms and not her's. I set the rules and all.