Taramere Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 juice at the door? I assume that you didn't attempt to slide up or down the railing? I did attempt to abscond a few times.
denise_xo Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I've never met men with that attitude (romantically, I mean), and it would be a clear deal breaker for me. I don't come with a cooking gene just because I have a vagina. Before I got married, I made that very clear to my H since he is from a background with more traditional gender roles. We share the attitude that we both have to contribute to whatever needs doing in the house on daily basis, and we should share that burden equally since we both work full time. Who does what exactly depends a bit on what each individual feels more comfortable doing. None of us like to cook, though.
WonderKid Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I can make my own damn food woman Don't get it twisted LoL
M30USA Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 It depends if she's a working wife or a stay at home wife. I know some working wives who cook literally every night; and some stay at home wives whose husbands cook as soon as they get home from work.
KathyM Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I think it's pretty normal to expect your SO to be able to cook. People want someone that is capable and willing to contribute to the household meals. You may make a lot of money, but eating out night after night can become a chore in itself, and most men (and women) don't want to be running out every night for dinner. Life skills are important to have in a relationship, and I can see it being a dealbreaker for a lot of men if the partner is not able to put together a dinner at all. It would be a dealbreaker for a lot of women too if her SO never wanted to lift a finger in the kitchen. I know my husband's cooking skills were one of the things that really impressed me about him when I first started dating him, and he would invite me over for dinner once a week. After marriage, we both share the cooking responsibilities in the house, and it works out well. I'm sure my husband wouldn't be too happy if I never had an inclination to cook dinner. It's a shared chore with us, and it works out well that way. I've taught my three sons to cook as well so they won't be expecting their wives to do all the cooking. If one partner can't cook or won't cook at all or minimally, that would be a red flag to me, as it is to many people. Most people don't want to have to run out every night to some restaurant, and that can get expensive to eat out every night. So I don't blame a guy who values some amount of domestic skills and has some expectation of domestic ability.
xxoo Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 It was a bit of a bonding thing really. I think that underneath the bravado about "a woman's place" there's often an element of that kid who would like to be nurtured/taken care of because it helps them to feel loved. Yes, feeding is loving, on a primal level. I love to cook for the people I love--my H, my children, my friends and family. I also love when those people cook for me. If a partner refused to cook for me, ever, that would be a let down. 1
kaylan Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 How many of you guys expect your woman to cook for you or consider it a deal breaker if she doesn't cook? I have come across a few guys that have this attitude and it shocks me. I am an engineer with a good salary and have no problem taking turns paying for dining out. And I will cook some things around the house but am not a cooker or a big fan of it. But have had a few guys really snap at me for not making them meals. One recently after dating only a few months brought it up and it was an expectation apparently and seemed almost mad about it. I am surprised that someone could feel mad and entitled to that. I have to work too and am tired when I get home. I also grew up in a single parent home. There was not a lot of meal cooking. Tell them to piss off and that its 2012 and they are adults. I grew up with a mom and dad who both knew how to cook. Im a crappy cook myself, but if I ever lived with a woman, Id expect us both to cook at times. I dont think its anyones job to cook. Its something you share as a household. And if I happened to date another bad cook, Id try to have someone help us learn how to cook, or we would teach ourselves with tv shows, and cook books. 1
Els Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Yes, feeding is loving, on a primal level. I love to cook for the people I love--my H, my children, my friends and family. I also love when those people cook for me. If a partner refused to cook for me, ever, that would be a let down. Me too. I usually can't be bothered to cook for myself, but I was surprised how much I love cooking when I moved in with the bf. It makes my nurturing side go all warm and fuzzy. Now, doing the dishes.. THAT is something that we both hate. Sadly it goes hand in hand with cooking.
rainfall Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I would never be able to date a man who felt it was my job to cook for him, especially since I am working and paying for half of everything. It is in no way a woman's job to cook for and take care of a guy. A grown man should be able to handle cooking a meal for himself and expecting a woman to do it to "nuture" him is as foolish as a woman expecting a man to pay for everything to "take care of her".
rainfall Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) P.S., OP, the REAL men (the ones who are worthwhile and could make you happy in the long-term), the type of man who will make you come to fruition (whether you think so or not) far more often than some post-modern self-proclaimed feminist wuss ever will, care a lot more about how you are with kids and if you can cook/clean than about your college degree or how much money you make A real man who can make me happy long term would never care about if I know how to cook. He would be able to do it himself or at least not care if I can't. Although I would have no problem cooking sometimes for my SO, as long as he didn't expect it every single day. Edited August 23, 2012 by rainfall
grkBoy Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I'm curious...is this really about just COOKING? or DOMESTIC SKILLS? How many men here would prefer a woman who can cook and clean like mom and classic "women of the good ol days"? How many really don't care? How much do you WOMEN think men should be able to do some of the household stuff? 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I would be put off by that attitude of entitlement, but if I were generally keen on the man I would probably make some effort to find out what lay behind it. Years ago I worked in kids' homes. I remember one time making this apple crumble and my shift partner said "oh they'll never eat that. These kids don't like that sort of home made stuff." So I was embarrassed to put it on the table, expecting lots of derogatory comments...but they did eat it, and they seemed really touched that I'd made the effort. It was a bit of a bonding thing really. I think that underneath the bravado about "a woman's place" there's often an element of that kid who would like to be nurtured/taken care of because it helps them to feel loved. On the other hand....there's such a thing as being overly concerned with trying to understand somebody who's being unacceptably obnoxious. If I sensed somebody trying to hide a sense of disappointment that I hadn't offered to cook for them, I would offer to cook for them. If I sensed anger about it then I think that like you I would be feeling "uh oh...there are issues involved here that I would rather not get tangled up with. Especially not in a fairly casual dating scenario." Yeah, this. Taramere articulated it spot-on. I actually think staying in and cooking is one of the best kind of dates. Whether you do it together or someone cooks a meal for the other person. Growing up, my mom was all about the home-cooked meals. I'm not as good of a cook as her but I certainly have picked up some skills from her. I have never encountered anger from a man though if I didn't cook him a meal. There is something really off in that. OP, can you see other commonalities in those men that you dated that showed that they were visably angry that you didn't cook for them? I will say, it might not hurt for you to pick up one or two meals you can cook well and make them for someone you date. You can be hoenst and tell him you really aren't a cook but you do know how to make such and such dish.
fucpcg Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Yikes 8 likes! Seems like I'm quite the hit with the ladies in here tonight, unfortunately I'm not as equally such a hit with the ex. I always thought I did a lot to be a good boyfriend, glad at least I get some props for what I did in here. 1
RickyLovesLucy Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I'm curious...is this really about just COOKING? or DOMESTIC SKILLS? How many men here would prefer a woman who can cook and clean like mom and classic "women of the good ol days"? Whattayamean the good ol days? My wife is SAHM who cooks, cleans and rears the children while I'm at work. I love coming home at night to the smell of my wife's cooking!
samsungxoxo Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I haven't run into those men the OP is describing. If I did, he can go find Ms Future Housewife somewhere else. Don't mind doing some things I can do but as long as this isn't an expected role just because I have to do it or ''You should already know more complicated dishes''. I considered myself a level 3/10 in the kitchen department. Still have a lot to learn, I'm not even close to my mother's cooking skill and quite frankly don't have patience to spend an hour doing an elaborated dish. But I'll make him a sandwich or egg omelette if I adore the guy so much. Or I might go out of my way creating something.
Els Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 P.S., OP, the REAL men (the ones who are worthwhile and could make you happy in the long-term), the type of man who will make you come to fruition (whether you think so or not) far more often than some post-modern self-proclaimed feminist wuss ever will, care a lot more about how you are with kids and if you can cook/clean than about your college degree or how much money you make Wow. And I suppose REAL women (the ones who are worthwhile and could make you happy by taking care of the house in the long-term), the type of women who will make you come to fruition far more than some post-modern self-proclaimed feminist bitch ever will, care a lot more about how much the guy earns and whether or not he pays for everything, than about silly modern stuff like his personality and attraction? False, on both counts. I'm not sure about 'REAL' men and women, since I have a feeling that most people aren't transgendered, but men and women who make good partners don't go all out with their guns blazing, shoving their 'expectations' down their partner's throats in some infantile gender war. Men and women who make good partners give of their own accord, in whatever way they are good at, and appreciate what their partners give them.
threebyfate Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Love to cook but I won't cook for anyone who expects it, since I have a vagina. But then I don't expect my man to support me either, because he dangles.
rainfall Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 If you were to find any of that to be disappointing, then you should sympathize with men who expect you to make them something to eat when they get home tired from work. It's not about taking advanatage of women, it's about working together. I work as well and I am tired when I get home from work. I would laugh in my SO's face if he told me it was my job to make him food when he got home from work because he was tired. I go to school full time and work part time. I am just as tired, probably more actually. If he wants someone to take care of him he can move back home with his mother, otherwise we can both do stuff around the house and both pay the bills. It is not my job to be his full time maid/cook/slave.
Els Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Repeated, due to lack of an answer despite the poster rambling on for paragraphs: Wow. And I suppose REAL women (the ones who are worthwhile and could make you happy by taking care of the house in the long-term), the type of women who will make you come to fruition far more than some post-modern self-proclaimed feminist bitch ever will, care a lot more about how much the guy earns and whether or not he pays for everything, than about silly modern stuff like his personality and attraction?
Radu Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 This is gonna piss off many posters. Anyone who brings up feminism, masculinism and fighting against preconceived gender roles is not good relationship material. It's that simple. It first starts with 'but i'm not your slave so i don't need to cook, we can eat out', and it ends up with 'i have the vagina, i make the rules'. These ppl [male or female] need to be avoided like the plague. My mom and dad both worked, both had degrees [my mom's was higher and neither was the pisspoor extended HS that college is today]. They both cooked [my dad slightly better], and they both did things around the house. My dad hated cleaning, he would shut down so my mom did that and my dad did other stuff. So when i read some of the women today say 'i have a degree, i work' as a response to the basic expectation of taking care of herself ... i start to upchuck. Eating out ... and then you wonder why you can't shake those debts faster.
Els Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 ...gender politics getting in the way Speaking of the pot calling the grass black... As a gesture of good faith, I'll save you the trouble of scrolling through any of my posts directed to you, and put you on ignore instead. Please, stop making these new handles, I could've sworn I had you on ignore before, and it's bothersome to do it for every single new one of yours. But hey, at least you have a new strawman argument to add to your tirade now: '...report button, ignore button... getting in the way of other threads'.
Els Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 This is gonna piss off many posters. Anyone who brings up feminism, masculinism and fighting against preconceived gender roles is not good relationship material. It's that simple. It first starts with 'but i'm not your slave so i don't need to cook, we can eat out', and it ends up with 'i have the vagina, i make the rules'. These ppl [male or female] need to be avoided like the plague. I completely agree. Completely refusing to do something in the name of 'breaking down gender roles' is ridiculous - adults realize that someone needs to take care of the house and get the food ready, because mommy isn't here to do it anymore. But the OP was talking about her bf 'yelling at her' for not cooking because he feels it's the 'woman's job'. That's a whole different kettle of fish, IMO. Anyone with a modicum of self-respect would put a quick stop to being treated like that, male or female, over anything. My mom and dad both worked, both had degrees [my mom's was higher and neither was the pisspoor extended HS that college is today]. They both cooked [my dad slightly better], and they both did things around the house. My dad hated cleaning, he would shut down so my mom did that and my dad did other stuff. What 'other stuff' did he do? Honestly, unless you live in a large property or farmland that requires a lot of lawn or outdoors work, cleaning and cooking are the two most time-consuming chores by far, so in your parents' case I'm not so certain the load was equitable. I should know, I do virtually everything that needs to be done around the house, and cooking takes about 30% of the bulk, with cleaning (including dishes) being probably 60%. I do most of the traditional 'guy chores' as well - taking out the trash, changing lightbulbs, simple DIY assembly - those make up about 10% of the load along with mail/bills/documentation/misc errands.
grkBoy Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Whattayamean the good ol days? My wife is SAHM who cooks, cleans and rears the children while I'm at work. I love coming home at night to the smell of my wife's cooking! You do understand what I was going for though, right? I see articles all over the net speaking of how many modern women do not have the domestic skills their moms did, mainly because they pushed to get careers...and even how many men need to learn these skills as well since those SAHW days are gone for most people. I'm not saying a woman being a SAHM is bad or obsolete, but I am simply addressing this topic in asking what are the men-folk asking for? Personally, I tell guys who want a woman who can cook/clean that they should then plan on a marriage where he is the breadwinner and she stays home to be the homemaker. The ridiculous point (even from my male viewpoint) are guys who want the woman to work, bring home 50% of the household income (but not make more than him), and yet also toss on an apron to cook, clean, and raise the kids while he watches the game on TV. 3
denise_xo Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 How much do you WOMEN think men should be able to do some of the household stuff? As far as I'm concerned, household chores is no more my responsibility than it is my husband's. I laugh when I see sentences like 'my father doesn't like cleaning'. I hate cleaning, and I'm sure lots of other women do, too. But both my husband and I have an equal responsiblity for keeping the hygiene at home, just like we both share responsibility for food being put on the table - both paying for the food, and cooking it. I also laugh when I see the sentence 'man helping women in the house'. As man isn't helping the woman, he is just taking the responsibility that is his for maintaining and running a household. This is, of course, based on both working full time. Stay at home mothers and fathers would naturally do the bulk of every day household chores. 1
denise_xo Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 So what do you girls think about one day a mouse running across the room and your mate jumping on the table screaming "HALLPPP ME" with his hands over his mouth? Better yet, how would you feel if you were walking around at night, heard a spooky noise and your man jumped in your arms biting his finger nails like scooby Actually, I have often comforted my H when we have been out walking at night, whether at home or when we have been travelling, and he has felt scared or uncomfortable. He is much more likely than I am to feel uncomfortable or scared at night in a dark alley. I have walked alone at night in cities around the world and tend to feel safer on the streets. I take his hand and say words that I think will help him calm down until we reach a place where he feels safer. I don't think either of us experience that as something out of the ordinary, and I'm not really sure why you frame it as such.
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