GG3 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 How many of you guys expect your woman to cook for you or consider it a deal breaker if she doesn't cook? I have come across a few guys that have this attitude and it shocks me. I am an engineer with a good salary and have no problem taking turns paying for dining out. And I will cook some things around the house but am not a cooker or a big fan of it. But have had a few guys really snap at me for not making them meals. One recently after dating only a few months brought it up and it was an expectation apparently and seemed almost mad about it. I am surprised that someone could feel mad and entitled to that. I have to work too and am tired when I get home. I also grew up in a single parent home. There was not a lot of meal cooking. 1
Els Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Entitlement is a horribly ugly attitude - from both sides. Anyone who acts as if he or she is entitled to any form of service or gifts from their partner is, IMO, not a good person to be in a R with. Consider those guys bullets dodged. I cook for my bf fairly often, because he works a lot more, but if he had 'snapped at me for not doing so', he would not be my bf. 1
Titanwolf Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I'd be happy as long as I felt that her contribution to our house is sufficient. Considering, I know how to cook well, I wouldn't expect her to cook if she enjoyed the foods I cooked better. As long as she washes the dishes, or vacuums or something, I'd be cool. It's about give and take, y'know? 4
IJustWantLove Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Next chick that doesn't volunteer to cook for me from time to time will be dumped. Period. I make a ton of money and always pay for meals & entertainment with the women I date. I'll drop $200 on dinner and think nothing of it. Last chick I dated never once volunteered to cook for me, it was bothering me the whole time. Now I'm learning that she was sleeping with other men behind my back the whole time and now she's dumped me. She never gave a rat's ass about me. But the whole time, it felt like she did. Yes, I'll be paying a LOT of attention to this as well as small gifts for no reason with the next chick. This last one bought me three "mandatory" gifts, two birthdays and Christmas. Nothing else. Ever. These are signs to watch for, guys. If she's not volunteering to cook and she's not buying you small gifts from time to time, she's probably not that in to you.
Emilia Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Pretty much all the men I've dated over the years could cook, most of them loved it and almost all of them were better than me But then again I don't date men with traditional values, doubt very much we would get beyond the first 5 minutes of our first date 1
fucpcg Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 In the year that I dated my exgirlfriend, I did not allow her to cook one single time when together. Reason? She was the single working mother of 3 young boys. If that was one thing I could do to help remove pressure from her life, and afford me more free time with my best friend (her), it was a no brainer. Any talk of right, obligation, womans job, etc, is not talk of love and caring. I loved and cared for that woman, and that dictated my actions with her. I don't give a rats a$$ about obligation. 11
ThaWholigan Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Psshh, I like cooking, I cook better than most girls I know . I would prefer to share the cooking duties, but more often than not, I will be the one cooking . 3
SteveC80 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Its hillarious how women here still exepct traditional roles that benefit them yet if one is asked of them theyre horrified I guess only women are allowed to be "entitled"
yessy21 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Next chick that doesn't volunteer to cook for me from time to time will be dumped. Period. I make a ton of money and always pay for meals & entertainment with the women I date. I'll drop $200 on dinner and think nothing of it. Last chick I dated never once volunteered to cook for me, it was bothering me the whole time. Now I'm learning that she was sleeping with other men behind my back the whole time and now she's dumped me. She never gave a rat's ass about me. But the whole time, it felt like she did. Yes, I'll be paying a LOT of attention to this as well as small gifts for no reason with the next chick. This last one bought me three "mandatory" gifts, two birthdays and Christmas. Nothing else. Ever. These are signs to watch for, guys. If she's not volunteering to cook and she's not buying you small gifts from time to time, she's probably not that in to you. B*** Please... 1
carhill Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 How many of you guys expect your woman to cook for you or consider it a deal breaker if she doesn't cook? I have no expectations in general, meaning expecting a woman to 'cook for her man' but wouldn't date a woman my age who doesn't cook, simply because it means I'd have to do all the cooking or we'd have to eat out. I prefer someone who is my teammate in the kitchen, as I and my exW were. 1
rocketman122 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 1-my default career is being a cook. not a chef but a kick ass cook. I have no problem cooking for my lady. 2-every time my GF cooks for me, Im so red from blushing. I tell her how much I appreciate it that she thinks of me and takes the time to make me food. she tries to make it fancy but I tell her make it simple. brown rice and chicken breast. no spice, no oil, no nothing, no taste. 3-more than anything though I love to spend time in the kitchen and cook with her. nothing more romantic than doing things together with my lady. I let her cook and I do the cutting and dishes. 4- I always pay for outings we have so she wants to spoli me a bit with cooked meal, but I never demand or expect it. I truly appreciate it when she does though. I wouldnt care if she microwaved me my oatmeal. its the thought of caring for the other that I love. 3
bentnotbroken Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I didn't expect Mr. Messy to do the yard work, so there is no reason to expect me to cook(though I did for quite a few years, SAHM). As long as there is an equitable distribution of family chores...why should it be a big deal if the woman does not cook. I taught both my children to cook an change the oil in their cars and I have one of each gender....equally equipped to do what is necessary to take care of themselves.
IJustWantLove Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Rocketman hits it dead on. Totally agree. 1
grkBoy Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I love to cook, so it doesn't bother me at all. My fiancee can do some things, but she's no cook. She is an amazing cleaner though. Puts me to shame what I think is "clean" versus how thoroughly clean things get when she does it. I would only find it a "red flag" if it's a woman who can't cook or clean or do anything for herself. So she works like crazy, eats out or eats frozen meals, her place is a mess, etc. Just shows me in the long run she won't do well in a RL, like she can't settle down in life or really take care of herself domestically.
Radu Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) How many of you guys expect your woman to cook for you or consider it a deal breaker if she doesn't cook? I have come across a few guys that have this attitude and it shocks me. I am an engineer with a good salary and have no problem taking turns paying for dining out. And I will cook some things around the house but am not a cooker or a big fan of it. But have had a few guys really snap at me for not making them meals. One recently after dating only a few months brought it up and it was an expectation apparently and seemed almost mad about it. I am surprised that someone could feel mad and entitled to that. I have to work too and am tired when I get home. I also grew up in a single parent home. There was not a lot of meal cooking. It depends on your society, a lot. I've been in 5 relationships so far and in all of them i was the only one who could cook or the better cook. When a gf/fiance/wife does something like this for her guy or she cooks with him in the kitchen, or helps out ... it means a lot. Especially since eating out is both expensive and quite detrimental to your health. Cooking something simple for the both of you that lasts 2-3d should not take more than 1hr and it's time spent together. In your case OP, it depends on your life. Give more information, and mention the society. I will add one thing though, as someone who works a very logical job. Your thread title is not in line with the OP. 'Expecting women to cook' is bound to be interpreted as some base expectation that society has of women. The OP did not have this message. So give examples. Edited August 22, 2012 by Radu
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I love to cook for my boyfriend, but he's never asked me to or seemed like he "expected" it. He thanks me every time I make him a meal and says how much he appreciates it, which makes me want to cook for him again and again! If he suddenly adopted a "when's dinner, woman" attitude I might not find it as much fun to cook for him anymore. 2
tman666 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I don't expect my lady to cook for me. I would say that I actually cook most of the meals, mostly because I just like cooking. There are nights though when I'm just too tired, or too busy, or simply don't feel like cooking, and she'll whip something up. She's a great cook too, so it's always a special treat when she cooks. It's also not like she's just sitting around when I'm cooking either. She usually does most of the laundry for the house, for example, so the workload evens out. A lot more women are working full time outside the home (just like men) than in previous decades. I figure as long as each person is pulling their own weight, a rigid expectation of what the other person is "supposed" to be doing according to their gender is impractical. 3
Author GG3 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Tman666 is thinking along the lines I am thinking The last guy I dated we only saw each other 1-2 nights a week. If it were more than that of course I would think we should be staying in and eating (me cook or him cook either way). But I felt that only seeing each other that amount and expecting me to cook is like asking me to do more work on top of everything else. I'll gladly pay for a meal out and offered all the time. My house is extremely clean by the way so no I am not a woman that has zero skills. I just thought it was a bit strange to be expecting that of someone and feel entitled to it. I like one person's analogy to it. I wouldn't expect a guy to do my yard work so why should I be expected to cook?
Greznog Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) If she's not cooking and cleaning I'd be better off hiring people to do it, not that this is an issue for me as I exclusively date Eastern/Southern European women long term. I'll have sex with girls born and raised here but I don't consider them dating material. Edited August 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Pyro Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I always expect her to contribute, otherwise she will receive the same handful of meals or takeout. Slowly expanding my cooking abilities.
Taramere Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I have come across a few guys that have this attitude and it shocks me. I am an engineer with a good salary and have no problem taking turns paying for dining out. And I will cook some things around the house but am not a cooker or a big fan of it. But have had a few guys really snap at me for not making them meals. One recently after dating only a few months brought it up and it was an expectation apparently and seemed almost mad about it. I would be put off by that attitude of entitlement, but if I were generally keen on the man I would probably make some effort to find out what lay behind it. Years ago I worked in kids' homes. I remember one time making this apple crumble and my shift partner said "oh they'll never eat that. These kids don't like that sort of home made stuff." So I was embarrassed to put it on the table, expecting lots of derogatory comments...but they did eat it, and they seemed really touched that I'd made the effort. It was a bit of a bonding thing really. I think that underneath the bravado about "a woman's place" there's often an element of that kid who would like to be nurtured/taken care of because it helps them to feel loved. On the other hand....there's such a thing as being overly concerned with trying to understand somebody who's being unacceptably obnoxious. If I sensed somebody trying to hide a sense of disappointment that I hadn't offered to cook for them, I would offer to cook for them. If I sensed anger about it then I think that like you I would be feeling "uh oh...there are issues involved here that I would rather not get tangled up with. Especially not in a fairly casual dating scenario." 1
Pyro Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Years ago I worked in kids' homes. I remember one time making this apple crumble and my shift partner said "oh they'll never eat that. These kids don't like that sort of home made stuff." So I was embarrassed to put it on the table, expecting lots of derogatory comments...but they did eat it, and they seemed really touched that I'd made the effort. are you Mary Poppins?:rolleyes:
Taramere Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 are you Mary Poppins?:rolleyes: Noooo. I stuck it for about as long as it took me to finish training for another profession. There's very little Mary Poppins-like about those places...but you do get the odd moment when they're being nice, and I'd rather reminisce about those than the glasses of juice thrown at doors, screaming fits and holes getting punched in walls. Obviously I've managed to get a bit more of a grip over my temper since then.
Pyro Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Noooo. I stuck it for about as long as it took me to finish training for another profession. There's very little Mary Poppins-like about those places...but you do get the odd moment when they're being nice, and I'd rather reminisce about those than the glasses of juice thrown at doors, screaming fits and holes getting punched in walls. Obviously I've managed to get a bit more of a grip over my temper since then. juice at the door? I assume that you didn't attempt to slide up or down the railing?
Cracker Jack Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Wouldn't say it's a dealbreaker for me. I'd prefer if she knew how to cook to an extent--but since I enjoy cooking myself, it wouldn't be much of an issue. Most of the women I've gotten to know throughout my life were exceptional cooks, so it seems to be common for me. If she wasn't really into it, I'd just suggest we cook together, that way I could help get her into the mood of enjoying it and make it more of a fun activity for her instead of a chore.
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