kaylan Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) Ive been doing a lot of thinking lately. Ive been really trying to wrap my head around what I want in terms of companionship with a woman. Im 25 going on 26, and my views have changed alot over the last 3 years. From 15 to 23, all I ever thought about was meeting that one girl for me, falling in love, and just being happy and content with my situation. I thought I would get married, have kids, and always want that one girl. Hell, the two times Ive been in love (age 18 and 22) I was sure that was it for me, and those girls would be who I was gonna marry. But as I matured and gained some dating and love experience, my perspective has shifted. Im not so sure about this idea of "forever". It seems unrealistic to expect such a thing. Im talking in terms on an analytical, realistic view of human companionship....forever with one person is rare. And to be honest, over the last few years, I find myself feeling that "forever" is something I may not want as a continue to date...even if I do fall in love again with a girl whos great for me in every way. In my head, I see a relationship as "be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best". In other words, Im thinking to accept life as it comes, with no expectations. Why do I say this? Well, because when you think about it. Sometimes relationships do run their course, and you have the urge to meet new people. Sometimes you connect with someone new, and it hits you in the heart the same way you felt once before. I mean, Im not one of those people who thinks romantic feelings can be something that can be only singular. Im saying I dont believe in "the one", and that I believe there are more people out there in the world that we have the capacity to love. All this being said, Im still a guy who is a one woman kinda dude when it comes to my heart. Surely I can date around and have my fun, but my heart isnt something that dishes out love and affection to more than one girl. And you know, Ive never had very long relationships in my past...and even though I havent, I sit and think about future LTRs and even marriage, and I wonder if Ill want to wrap my love around one person for my entire life. So while I am wondering about that, I have to ask myself....if I do enjoy having someone, is there a point to having a relationship if you arent even sure it will lead to marriage. Is there a point to dating if you arent expecting the relationship to last forever? I mean...isnt that what most people hope for going into a relationship? At that moment are they not feeling so high off the other person that they are hoping they could maybe marry them someday? Im saying theres a possibility that I might not want "forever"and that I accept that. But then, is there a point to having a relationship? I have a lot of love to give...and the affection and love I could give a woman isnt something to be had outside of a committed relationship. I enjoy single life, but if I get smitten, I will want to commit. But Im not banking on forever. Anyone feel me on this? Forever is not the goal in mind. My goal is to love in the here and now. My goal is to enjoy my love life in the moment...almost selfishly without planning it all out. I mean what girls really going to be open to dating a guy who doesnt have solid relationship plans? Someone who simply throws his hands up in the air and says "whatever happens, happens". I mean...to answer those questions, Im sure a couple of women will think they can change my viewpoint...but I digress. Thoughts? Edited August 22, 2012 by kaylan
kassy Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I think you can have wonderful and fulfilling relationships that from the outset have no chance of forever. I personally think people spend too much time focused on the goal of finding the one and not enough time enjoying life at the moment. Relationships like friendships often run their natural course. Some might end up being forever, but that doesn't mean en route to forever you can't experience meaningful relationships which help you to grow as a person. They hopefully make it easier to identify when you meet someone who you really want to be with forever. Sometimes people's need for forever I think keeps them in relationships they know aren't healthy and also makes them too invested in forever at all costs. I may be wrong, but that's my opinion 1
Titanwolf Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 A lot of people seek out relationships, not for love, but for the hormones, the high. When the hormones cease, many find themselves looking elsewhere for that same feeling they once experienced. I don't believe that's love, because to me, love is eternal and requires a lot more responsibility in regards to how one thinks, as opposed to one who lets their hormones rule their heads. I do believe in forever lov. It is difficult not to be manipulated by hormones as with time relationships decay. However, Love is love. To know that person, to understand why they think and do the things they do. To hold so many memories with that person and eventually achieve an understanding with each other that no one else can hold a candle to. I think people have misconstrued the definition of love and few are really in it for the long haul. I'd rather stay with my partner and take the good with the bad and monitor my thoughts when they begin to waver. It's beneficial to understand WHY you're losing interest. Anyway, I'm rambling. In short, yes I believe in forever. 5
Emilia Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I think you can have wonderful and fulfilling relationships that from the outset have no chance of forever. I personally think people spend too much time focused on the goal of finding the one and not enough time enjoying life at the moment. Relationships like friendships often run their natural course. Some might end up being forever, but that doesn't mean en route to forever you can't experience meaningful relationships which help you to grow as a person. They hopefully make it easier to identify when you meet someone who you really want to be with forever. This is my view of relationships as well and having a relaxed attitude to them definitely takes some of the anxiety away. However, if I wanted to have children I would focus on finding that person I could commit to.
Greznog Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Forever is an artificial construct not grounded in human biology, every single shred of evidence suggests humans are meant for serial monogamy rather than lifetime monogamy. It's not a coincidence that divorce rates skyrocketed the nanosecond it became socially acceptable. Many people will say "but my grandparents", your grandparents got married in 1927, there was no divorcing in 1937 or 1947 or 1957, divorce wasn't an option in their generation. By the way, if you're a man and you want children ( that you can actually parent rather than just fund ), adopt one or find a surrogate to have the child for you.
xxoo Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 No, but forever is the goal of marriage. Some people date people they would not consider marrying. They should be honest about it, though.
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