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One night stand lastnight, I feel SICK

ParadeRain

By ParadeRain
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ParadeRain Established Member

ParadeRain

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm 20, before I got with my ex I was the ultimate junior bachelor, loving life, never been in a serious relationship, using girls for fun, didn't have a clue what love was.

 

I fell in LOVE with her, things didn't work and she let it go.

 

For the past 3 months I have been HEART BROKEN, a shadow of what I once was, absolutely emotionally destroyed at the age of 20... never in a million years thought this could ever happen me.

 

Since the break up I have made major improvements in my life, a new job being the highlight.. I seem to have more money than I know what to do with these days... but I'm still hurting, really HURTING, I guess I'm learning to live with it.

 

I talk to lots of girls recently, sizing up sex opportunities.. first time since the break up.

 

Last night I scored, and from the moment she started kissing me I just felt absolutely disgusted.. yeah I went along with it, hiding what I was truly thinking, I'd like to say I shown her a good time and she left happy, but wow do I feel SICK.

 

This was the sex I used to have before my relationship, then I found the most amazing sex with my ex, it was making love, after lastnight I just feel repulsed and dirty by having sex with this random girl I have known for a while but it just felt WRONG, and comparing it to sex with my ex which just felt so right every time...

 

I can't see myself in a relationship with any other girl, theres no hope for me and my ex she is definitely out of my life for good... but she's left a mark on it so big I can't see any way past it... I'm confused

Edited by ParadeRain
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

You need time. You got involved with another girl too quickly, it's completely natural to feel this way. Be grateful, so many people get jaded and feel just numb. Be grateful you are capable of strong feelings like that.

 

Push girls out of your mind for a few months still, they will just remind you of what you are missing with your ex. Focus on work, do sports, hang out with your male friends, make more friends.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

You would have done yourself - and her - a bigger favour by telling her -

 

"You know what?

I can't do this - I'm just getting over a major break-up and I'm just using you - but I'm not like that - so I apologise... but this isn't what's going to work..."

 

You can say 'no' you know....it's allowed - at any time, at any point.

  • Like 1
mjones12 New Member

mjones12

Posted
Posted
I'm 20, before I got with my ex I was the ultimate junior bachelor, loving life, never been in a serious relationship, using girls for fun, didn't have a clue what love was.

 

I fell in LOVE with her, things didn't work and she let it go.

 

For the past 3 months I have been HEART BROKEN, a shadow of what I once was, absolutely emotionally destroyed at the age of 20... never in a million years thought this could ever happen me.

 

Since the break up I have made major improvements in my life, a new job being the highlight.. I seem to have more money than I know what to do with these days... but I'm still hurting, really HURTING, I guess I'm learning to live with it.

 

I talk to lots of girls recently, sizing up sex opportunities.. first time since the break up.

 

Last night I scored, and from the moment she started kissing me I just felt absolutely disgusted.. yeah I went along with it, hiding what I was truly thinking, I'd like to say I shown her a good time and she left happy, but wow do I feel SICK.

 

This was the sex I used to have before my relationship, then I found the most amazing sex with my ex, it was making love, after lastnight I just feel repulsed and dirty by having sex with this random girl I have known for a while but it just felt WRONG, and comparing it to sex with my ex which just felt so right every time...

 

I can't see myself in a relationship with any other girl, theres no hope for me and my ex she is definitely out of my life for good... but she's left a mark on it so big I can't see any way past it... I'm confused

been there done that... its called life and it's tough. ive lost 3 "serious" relationships! **** those bitches! one of them actually ""made"" me put a gun in my mouth!!!!!! what a stupid situation that was. my advice: **** happens, dont deal with it like a sad emo kid and wear make-up and cut yourself... that just makes you more sad and pathetic. Be a ****ing man and cowboy up! **** happens and you gotta roll with the punches. sure it sucks but the suckiest part is feeling sorry for yourself all the time. If it was meant to be it would still be... you broke up for a reason! next time you find a one nighter, pound her like there's no ****ing tomorrow. And wake up feeling like the man of all men. cuz you might die tomorrow... thats a ****ing fact. do you wanna die a pathetic little sad man??? wishing about what could be??? SEIZE THE ****ING OPPORTUNITY LIFE GIVES YOU...EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Be a man you emotionally fragile little infant, BE A MAN!!!

  • Like 2
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Well, a little harsh.... but I agree with the 'carpe diem' sentiment....

Hornachero Member

Hornachero

Posted
Posted

I disagree with the Carpe Diem argument. People are ready when they are ready. If the poor guy feels like throwing up while having sex with the other girl, then he should not having sex with her because there is NOTHING to enjoy! It has nothing to do with manhood or virility or God knows what. I have been in a similar situation a couple of times (having sex with a girl after a breakup just so I can feel better and actually having the opposite result) and I realized that dating the new girl a couple of times before having sex with her diminishes the angst a lot because you have more points to relate too. So yeah, take your time my friend. By all means do hang out with girls but just wait A LITTLE before actually having sex. You'll see, it'll make a world of difference.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

I think the point is that, you have no guarantees in life... we all assume going to bed at night, that we'll wake up in the morning.

Sometimes, you have to take the crap you have and turn it into fertiliser for roses rather than a wallow-fest.

changchewsoon Established Member

changchewsoon

Posted
Posted

now aint that some tough love.....

 

well, i know exactly how you feel....when you're doing it with someone that you're emotionally connected with, it feels totally different than just plain sex with random people........

barese1 Established Member

barese1

Posted
Posted

I've been there. Had sex after a BU and felt horrible and disgusted with myself. In my recent BU (3 months NC) I finally had sex with someone else. It was ok.

 

The sex was good but what I mean is that I wasn't thinking about the ex, but wasn't wholeheartedly there either. I think we could end up waiting forever to be ready but after a while you get to a point where you have to give it a go.

 

Its still too early for you though I think, don't be too hard on yourself.

SoulSearcher22 Established Member

SoulSearcher22

Posted
Posted

I know exactly how you feel bro. I had sex with a girl I had known for a little while about a week or so after the break up and it felt horrible. Obviously if I focused on the physical part, it was enjoyable, but seeing her face instead of my ex's was down right unpleasureable. I felt like I had cheated afterwards.

Me13 New Member

Me13

Posted
Posted

As most people have said, you're ready only when you are ready.

 

I went through the most horrible BU 7 months ago after a 3-year relationship. I read every article on the net, I tried everything - dating guys, no attachments, keeping busy, getting a new job, new friends, moving town - then moved onto the whole one-night stand thing. I did it randomly for about 2 months then started to feel sick myself. It worked against me. No one was as good as my ex, I started to compare them all, I started to hate that nothing I tried matched the chemistry we had.

 

7 months, I'm still not over it. I know people who have taken up to 2 years, and I know people who took only a couple of months. There's no right or wrong.

 

There's gonna be a lot of experimentation for you, see what works, what doesn't. If it doesn't, don't stress out, just take a deep breath, dig deep, and keep going, knowing not to do that one again. Things will get better, don't worry.

Mike_d Established Member

Mike_d

Posted
Posted

sometimes you need to check back in with regular life and see how you fit in, while it didn't work great for you at the moment you shouldn't be too hard on yourself here. learn what you need to learn about where you are at, and then figure out where you want to be and keep working to get there. doesn't sound like you have anything to be guilty about, you didn't betray anybody, you just were not emotionally ready, that's ok. keep pushing forward. at 20something you have a big life ahead of you, take your time but don't just stand in place, have faith that you'll get there, that is the big piece in the puzzle...

weallfalldown Established Member

weallfalldown

Posted
Posted
You would have done yourself - and her - a bigger favour by telling her -

 

"You know what?

I can't do this - I'm just getting over a major break-up and I'm just using you - but I'm not like that - so I apologise... but this isn't what's going to work..."

 

You can say 'no' you know....it's allowed - at any time, at any point.

 

 

i told a girl that....she said " i don't care just **** me".....:lmao:

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