ihateslowjams Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) Her birthday is tomorrow... I miss her still. I want to send her a bday text. I don't hold any resentment for the BU because deep down inside, I agree. She knows my view on BU's and how I wouldn't ever give a past relationship another chance, but for her Im willing. She doesn't know it though... She didn't BU with me because of infidelity, long distance, or not enough attention. She BU with me because I need to improve my life for myself and not for her or anyone else. I believe every other reason she gave afterwards were just her trying to convince herself it was the correct decision to do so... I was taking the necessary steps in improving my life, but she wasn't willing to wait any longer after staying together for 3 1/2 years... I know I screwed up since I didn't improve fast enough (it wasn't something I could achieve within the duration of the relationship) and wish things were different. I realize it was nothing but bad timing, but if things happen for a reason, whats the purpose of this??? just for me to experience heartbreak? experience a significant failure? I miss her. Edited August 22, 2012 by ihateslowjams
Canadian731 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 You still aren't over this relationship. Just by what you are typing I can tell you still have a lot of hurt towards this relationship and definitely aren't ready to contact her yet, it will only set you back. I can also sense that you seem to be trying to convince yourself of why the breakup happened. Why the breakup happened doesn't matter at this point, You have to let go of the reality of you two getting back together as hard as that is, because if you two truly did break up because you are trying to improve yourself, she isn't worth it, take the time to be a better person and improve upon yourself and then you will be able to find a woman who will truly appreciate you for who you are.
Author ihateslowjams Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 You still aren't over this relationship. Just by what you are typing I can tell you still have a lot of hurt towards this relationship and definitely aren't ready to contact her yet, it will only set you back. I can also sense that you seem to be trying to convince yourself of why the breakup happened. Why the breakup happened doesn't matter at this point, You have to let go of the reality of you two getting back together as hard as that is, because if you two truly did break up because you are trying to improve yourself, she isn't worth it, take the time to be a better person and improve upon yourself and then you will be able to find a woman who will truly appreciate you for who you are. Words of wisdom. Thanks
oracle Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Her birthday is tomorrow... I miss her still. I want to send her a bday text. I don't hold any resentment for the BU because deep down inside, I agree. She knows my view on BU's and how I wouldn't ever give a past relationship another chance, but for her Im willing. She doesn't know it though... She didn't BU with me because of infidelity, long distance, or not enough attention. She BU with me because I need to improve my life for myself and not for her or anyone else. I believe every other reason she gave afterwards were just her trying to convince herself it was the correct decision to do so... I was taking the necessary steps in improving my life, but she wasn't willing to wait any longer after staying together for 3 1/2 years... I know I screwed up since I didn't improve fast enough (it wasn't something I could achieve within the duration of the relationship) and wish things were different. I realize it was nothing but bad timing, but if things happen for a reason, whats the purpose of this??? just for me to experience heartbreak? experience a significant failure? I miss her. Lingering attachment is like a drug, and revisiting it can lead to nothing good in the end. It will only stir the expectation pot and we know that will only lead to disappointment. You and I both know "her birthday" is one of those milestones you having been waiting for that can be the possible excuse you can use to break NC, while claiming it for an unselfish reason. Try your best to resist the urge, I know its hard. TBH I don't think breaking NC is always a big mistake .. some people need several doses of disappointment to finally accept that things are over. It just tends to drag things on and on. Letting go off attachment is tough, sometimes I wish it was as easy as letting go of a balloon. I don't think any of us really move on until we find someone else that we like just a little bit more Keep on evolving, learn from everything and breath.. you will be fine.
Author ihateslowjams Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Lingering attachment is like a drug, and revisiting it can lead to nothing good in the end. It will only stir the expectation pot and we know that will only lead to disappointment. You and I both know "her birthday" is one of those milestones you having been waiting for that can be the possible excuse you can use to break NC, while claiming it for an unselfish reason. Try your best to resist the urge, I know its hard. TBH I don't think breaking NC is always a big mistake .. some people need several doses of disappointment to finally accept that things are over. It just tends to drag things on and on. Letting go off attachment is tough, sometimes I wish it was as easy as letting go of a balloon. I don't think any of us really move on until we find someone else that we like just a little bit more Keep on evolving, learn from everything and breath.. you will be fine. You're right about the "milestone". This post is very motivating for me. Thank you
YorickBrown Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 DO NOT BREAK NC!!! Use the cash you've been "saving up" for the occassion to hire hookers if you have to....just to "distract" yourself...tell them it's your birthday instead 1
I'm nuts Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 What's all this talk of improving yourself? Never ever let someone talk down to you, was she that perfect? tell her to look at the rafter in her own eye before the straw in others, and no don't text her, get someone who encourages you not discourages you. 1
oracle Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 What's all this talk of improving yourself? Never ever let someone talk down to you, was she that perfect? tell her to look at the rafter in her own eye before the straw in others, and no don't text her, get someone who encourages you not discourages you. Yea I thought that was a big red flag but was too tired to get into that topic as well. Improve because you want to change things about you. When you are doing it for the sake of someone else... the motivations are wrong and it won't amount to much in the end. You have to realize things in your life that YOU want to change.. and only then will you actually change them
youngnlove89 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Her birthday is tomorrow... I miss her still. I want to send her a bday text. I don't hold any resentment for the BU because deep down inside, I agree. She knows my view on BU's and how I wouldn't ever give a past relationship another chance, but for her Im willing. She doesn't know it though... She didn't BU with me because of infidelity, long distance, or not enough attention. She BU with me because I need to improve my life for myself and not for her or anyone else. I believe every other reason she gave afterwards were just her trying to convince herself it was the correct decision to do so... I was taking the necessary steps in improving my life, but she wasn't willing to wait any longer after staying together for 3 1/2 years... I know I screwed up since I didn't improve fast enough (it wasn't something I could achieve within the duration of the relationship) and wish things were different. I realize it was nothing but bad timing, but if things happen for a reason, whats the purpose of this??? just for me to experience heartbreak? experience a significant failure? I miss her. My boyfriend did this, he texted Happy Birthday to me when we broke up (mutal by the way). guess what I did? I ignored it. I didn't respond at all. I felt like I had the power back in my hands though and it helped me to be a little more happier. Don't give her that power. Don't contact her.
RogerWallace111 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Feel for you man, our situations have a lot of similarities. 3.5 years, understandable motivation for ending things, no reason to harbor any real ill will toward her. And though it wasn't her reason ( which was timing, me not being ready for marriage), improving myself is my main mission now. Not just exercising/eating right, etc, but seizing some lifelong dreams/goals that I kept putting off. The first milestone in that resulted in me having possibly the happiest day of my life thus far, though it's worn off and I'm back in a somewhat bummed out state over her . Anyway, I wouldn't bother texting her. It's an understandable urge to have, but it won't result in anything worthwhile. I'm not particularly about the game-playing, "dont give her an ego boost !, pretend you don't care !" mindset, buuut like youngnlove said, it'll just make her feel a little better about things and you don't need to do that for her. Especially if it somehow ends up coming at the cost of f*ckin you up a little emotionally. I had the urge to let my ex know when this good thing I spoke of happened to me, as it was something I always told her I'd do (and she probably didn't believe I would). But I decided it just wasn't the best choice. Not sure what the purpose is... I wonder the exact same thing. Maybe, yeah, just to experience the intense pain and be forced to grow/move forward in order to quell it. I wouldn't be on the very satisfying path forward that I am if I were still with her. And though that's still not enough to keep me from missing her like crazy at times, I know I will be way better off in the long run.
flitzanu Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Her birthday is tomorrow... I miss her still. I want to send her a bday text. I don't hold any resentment for the BU because deep down inside, I agree. nope. you don't send her a text.
Crila16 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 If she broke up with you, it's because she's not in love with you and doesn't want to be with you. You can send her a txt if you want, but it won't make her want to come back to you. You'll actually get upset all over again if all she says is thank you. ....so no. I wouldn't txt her. Not at all.
Author ihateslowjams Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Thanks guys for the responses. Ill maintain NC and forget about texting her happy birthday. Its not gonna help me out one bit. I need to just move on and stop looking back. 1
flitzanu Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Thanks guys for the responses. Ill maintain NC and forget about texting her happy birthday. Its not gonna help me out one bit. I need to just move on and stop looking back. THERE YA GO! it sucks, i know. i had to fight the same urge, and will again in less than a month.
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