LC1976 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Because I don't meet any men that I truly want. I would say that I am kinda like that. But I have loved three women in my life (and one was in my teens, so...) but none worked out in the end.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Are you taking medication for depression? What? No. I am not depressed at all.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Good! Sometimes those drugs blunt romantic feelings. I think that I am probably still emotionally drained from my last serious relationship that ended 6 months ago. Hopefully my ability to feel something will return in time.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) I know what you're talking about, ES. In the early stages of dating my current BF, I felt a bit of that "nervous anxiety" for the first time in my dating life. It was because I really, really liked him. Even though he was very into me and showed it by frequent calling, texting, and dates, I still had in the back of my mind that because I found him so "desirable," surely he'd find something wrong with me and find someone better. But, in retrospect, I also realized that he's the first guy I've dated that I've been totally, 100% "into": I found everything about him, physically and mentally/emotionally, attractive. In the past I've always sacrificed one element, usually that magnetic physical attraction, in favour of intellectual and emotional chemistry. Being that my current guy had "all of the above" in my eyes was very intimidating and, in the beginning, a little bit anxiety-causing. You look great in your new avi by the way! Edited August 22, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup
Emilia Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I get the loneliness. But, that is not the remedy and as you can see it gets old fast. Furthermore, I believe it dilutes your senses. When you drink too much cheap wine you cannot enjoy a good one. 100% This is also the sure way to get addicted to anything
venusianx13 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) You get obsessive when YOU are being needy - have internal problems. Does not have anything to do with the other person. If you become more feeling independent (i.e can feel good independent on other's reaction to you), while still appreciating the connections you make, you're gonna be at a much better spot. Let me add something to this...when you become needy and obsessive, I believe it is likely that you cause a problem in the relationship where no problem actually existed before. If you constantly obsess that something might be wrong, well, you're subconsciously sabotaging. For me, I got so used to something being so very wrong in my last LTR (there was always cause for concern, and that is not an exaggeration in the least), that it became a pattern in my thinking even after that relationship ended that I am struggling to break it still. I have absolutely no cause for concern in my current relationship and I believe that the nurture of the relationship will overcome what has become my "nature" (i.e. to believe something is always wrong). My boyfriend is the complete opposite of my last, too - constantly initiating communication with me, wanting to spend almost all of his free time with me, being transparent about his daily routine and plans, etc. I still cannot help but feel afraid, and he knows this, knows why, and is supportive. While I KNOW I am safe with him, just the feeling of that security and warmth spawns negative thinking in me, and I believe the same is true for others: you are becoming attached to something/someone and you are afraid to lose it. Such is the dilemma with desirous attachment. Edited August 22, 2012 by venusianx13
xxoo Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) As for men being too emotionally damaged to love any woman, I don't buy that for a second. That's just a convenient excuse they use to play you. How would it be an excuse for anything, or play you? If he doesn't treat you right, you shouldn't want him around. My point is that it might not be about you being "the one", but rather about him. He might not be able to treat any woman right. So no worries, just dump him. Certain groups of personality disorders are known as "relationship destroyers". People suffering with those have a hard time having a healthy relationship with anyone. Edited August 22, 2012 by xxoo
monkey00 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 No, never. Then again, I tend to only date guys who are REALLY into me, so I have no doubts about their feelings for me. The more open and honest a guy is with me, the more I like him. The guys that plays their cards close to their chest bore me. I don't think having feelings for someone is something to be ashamed of or something that needs to be kept secret lest you 'scare' the other person away. If a person is scared away by my honesty or my love, then they're not worth having around in the first place. I'm actually the same way with women. The more someone likes me and doesn't try to hide it, the more I like them back. Of course this only works if I find them somewhat physically attractive. All my past girlfriends have been like this and there are no games at all. Women that have come off aloof or lukewarm about me have me have never really progressed anywhere. I'm not sure if obsessive is the right terminology. But the essence of it is there for me when I meet someone I really like and if my actions are reciprocated.
monkey00 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) It is rather simple. It has to do with emotional needs. The most common needs are: Admiration Attention Conversation Support Sex etc If someone provides that you may like them back quite a bit. For many women is admiration and attention. That is why they like the guys that pay attention to them. The more the guy likes them they more they enjoy the attention and the more horny they get. This is all subconscious. Agreed. I think the correct word the OP is looking for is excitement..and the actions that stem from those feelings for the other person. What you describe above though applies to mentally healthy and balanced women. For other women; those with issues and baggage tend to be the opposite and somehow are attracted to jerks and guys that are aloof or don't make their interests known. Particular with women that have low self esteem. I don't know, it's a mixed bag. Some low self esteem women need eve more attention and validation Edited August 22, 2012 by monkey00
pteromom Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I tend to be an obsessive over-analyser in relationships/dating. I think OBSESSING and OVER-ANALYZING are two different things. One is great; the other is destructive. Obsessing = You REALLY like him. You think about him all the time. You spend as much time as you can with him. Every song reminds you of him. You find yourself smiling about him to yourself. Good stuff! Over-analyzing = You take what he says/does and extrapolate what YOU think he must mean by it. If it is something you deem negative, you worry and fret. You are constantly wondering what he's thinking; what he's feeling; how into you he is. Dangerous! NEVER over-analyze. If you want to know how he feels, ask. If you don't quite understand his actions, ask. If you want to know if he meant something the way you took it, ask. COMMUNICATION is key. Guessing what someone else is feeling/thinking is a bad path to travel. So - if you just obsess but don't cross into the guessing game, there is no change needed. If you find yourself over-analyzing, you need to work on communication and the whole "letting go of that which is out of your control" thing.
Shaun-Dro Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I tend to be an obsessive over-analyser in relationships/dating. My obsessivness is really only reserved for a select few, the guys that I am REALLY into. The others I date; see me more as an ice queen (according to them ) and feel that I lack emotion (if only they knew...). My ex has pointed out that he always found my obsessivness and over-anlysing unattractive. I have been trying to work on that and it SEEMED to get better, but the trick was, I never truly liked the guys I dated in the last few months. So of course, I didn't care/think much of when and if they replied to texts or e-mails, when they called, did they seem distant etc etc. Reading many threads on here, I got the impresion that MOST people do the obsessive thing when they are into someone, at least in the beginning stages. I am not even sure if it's that much of a flaw or if I really need to work on it...perhaps it's just part of human nature and falling in love. Or maybe I should stick to dating guys I am not really into. Thoughts? Obsessing is useless and troublesome. Why surrender yourself to that crap and put yourself out of the realm? And why are you dating guys you don't want? Boredom again?
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