justified3474 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 i love my boyfriend so much and would do anything for him and know he would do the same. we've been dating over 3 years and we got into big fights about things here and there. we get over them and are really good when we are good. but sometimes my insecurities resurface when something similar to a past fight comes up and makes me question if his mistakes were meaningful or they were just mistakes. i really dont like dwelling in the past, so i try not to re-think about things, but sometimes i can't help it :/ 1. in the beginning of our relationship, i read a conversation he had with one of his girl-friends whom I met. to me it was really flirty because they were calling each other baby and sending pics of themselves to each other. when i confronted him he said it meant nothing because that's just how they talk in their culture (she's hispanic and he's caribbean); they call everyone baby and sweetie and stuff like that. and although i believe him bc she definitely does call everyone papi and babe, their convo seemed over-the-top, and i've never heard him call other girls those names other than me (but that could also be bc he doesnt have many girl-friends) but he said he would stop and understood where i was coming from. i know he stopped and eventually i didnt see her as a threat at all. but it still makes me wonder if he would over-step these kinds of boundaries with other people.. 2. i read another convo he had with another girl-friend whom he's known since high school. this was also very flirty and had dirty jokes/innuendos in it...something along the lines of him referring to his privates as his Baby and she saying she would have to say hi to it and bring it presents/toys. he told me that this is how they've always joked around, and he said he stopped when we started dating, but started joking with her again because she told him about a traumatic event that happened to her and he was trying to make her feel better. recently we just argued about this girl because she was in town and he wanted to see her and say hi...i said i felt uncomfortable with this and although i would never seriously ask him to just plain not go see her, i asked if he would consent if i did ask. and he said no, because he doesnt see the big deal and it's my problem if i feel uncomfortable with it. i jsut feel like if he was considerate of my feelings, he would agree with this one thing i would ask of him.. 3. i was once using his phone for the internet and he acted all suspicious and was snatching the phone away...so i saw a convo he had with a coworker (guy) and literally every line was them talking about the girls at work and discussing who looked hot that day and who was wearing what skirt and what was accentuated..etc etc.. alot of it was pure joking but a lot of it wasnt. it really bothered me that he would talk so openly and sexually about other girls like that..i felt disrespected basically. i expressed that it was a side of him i hadnt seen ever (you know, the stupid frat-guy type), whether he's with me or his guy friends. but he said its just the way he talks with this one guy and doesnt mean thats who he is... 4. we broke up for a short while and during that time he was seeing another girl. when we got back together i was under the impression that they stopped talking. one weekend i was with him, he told me he would be right back to help a friend out with jump starting their car. then later, he told me he was going to his friends going away party and asked if i was coming. when i said yes, he confessed that she was the "friend" who needed the jump start and gone to her house, and that she would be at the party that night. at this point i felt so angry and betrayed that he hid it all from me...i asked if they ever kept in touch and talked and he said to my face that they dont. he even said check my phone if you want. so i went right ahead and checked his phone. and low and behold i see that theyve texted and called - albeit only a few times, but still he Lied. and that made me question what else he lied about, and maybe he had already deleted many of their texts and calls. 5. he completely lied to me one night and made up this big story about how he was just going to a bar with his buddies and he Always invites me out wherever he goes. so i thought it was a little weird that he told me it was guys night out, but i respected that. then the next day we were together i was just asking him how was his night and did he have fun..and he was acting all weird. later on, he confesses that he lied from the beginning because he went to a strip club for his friends brothers 18th birthday. again, i felt so betrayed bc he lied and had went through this whole mess to even come up with the name of the "bar" he went to and how it was half a lounge and half a club and the club required a certain dress code, etc. 6. he forgot what our anniversary date was this year 7. when we get into arguments he never sees my side of things. i understand that we may disagree on points and that could cause fights, but when i say my point of view that he thinks is stupid, he just dismisses it. he always tells me to be myself and let him know when something bothers me, but when i do, and he doesnt think its worthwhile, he sometimes just walks away or says "ugh, here we go." and just gets noticeabely annoyed and talking to me is the last thing he wants to be doing... and he always makes our arguments about Winning or losing - he always says things like Ugh, okay, you win.. i know a list of all the big fights we've had make him seem like a bad person, but he really is a good boyfriend and caring and loves me. but i am so afraid to be hurt and betrayed...do i have something to worry about?
Author justified3474 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 also if anyone wants to take the time to read my other post in the Abuse section, i revealed and opened up to my boyfriend about the traumas in my life just recently. and he is supportive and everything but in the few arguments we've gotten into since i opened up, i feel like he doesnt take into consideration everything I've told him about myself. he's not any more sympathetic or understanding or patient...he gets just as annoyed and dismissive
Titanwolf Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 so, how many times do you have to "feel betrayed" to learn that this guy is not right for you?. Also, what part of the carribean is he from? because I assure you that they don't call just anyone "baby" and "sweetie", usually older family members saying that to the youngsters.
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