She doesn't want to start a relationship because of band camp? BS?

[lover4721]

If Philosoraptor could reply, that'd be awesome! You give good insightful posts. We have common interests as well. I'm majoring in either Computer Maintenance, OR Information Security. Right now, it's maintenance, but it really jumps from Psychology, Neuroscience, and computers lol.

 

 

 

So one day, I randomly got an email from Zoosk... I gave this woman (Kim) my facebook URL and we talked for a while. We started to text and she said she wanted to hangout with someone, and if she didn't, it could be bad... I knew for a fact this was me.

 

I don't want this to be as long as my other posts. So I will give a summary.

 

She does like me, and since I'm shy, I held it off for a while to hangout with her. She said several times that she denied many guys for me. At times, she said she was done with me, but then we were okay. We hung out, had fun, and then she went back home. The day after, we hung out again as this was our plan for a few days. My sister actually had a gingerbread house kit that her and I made. We had fun doing it. Then, we played the logo quiz game trying to find a movie. We went to Subway, bought her a hoagie, she was happy and said thank you and gave me a hug. She saw my phone and saw my dating apps that I never use. I don't do online dating, but I like to see what kind of people are out there.

 

She felt like jealous, all most.

 

We actually went to a party after that lol. I don't party, we are only 19, almost 20. I was never the party type. She drank, I was the driver. She works with the girl who asked her, and I graduated with her...

She got insanely drunk and slept at my house. We only slept, didn't engage into any other activities - which is fine, but I am adding this for future reference.

 

We woke up, holding hands, and she said she had to leave so her parents don't worry. We are both 19, so no one got into trouble, but she didn't want her parents to worry.

 

NOW, I asked her if she would like to be more than friends (I didn't officially ask) and she kept asking "what about me going to college three hours away? :("

 

I said I didn't worry about it, because I could always drive and see her every weekend or so. She only lives 10 minutes away from me. College 3 hours away.

 

She keeps saying she wants to wait until band camp is over, because she can't be a good girlfriend. I ask how, and she said she wants to give me majority of her time, and right now, band has it.

 

I ask if it's that she doesn't wanna tell me she doesn't want a distant relationship, and she said it's okay with her. She says she wants to date me like nothing before. However, it just seems like she doesn't wanna tell me she doesn't like me or something.

 

NOW, last year, she had told her boyfriend she couldn't date him anymore because she would be busy. So they broke up. Months later, they hung out, they had sex, and she found out he had a girlfriend. So she was hurt.

 

If she could tell her boyfriend they were breaking up, she would have no issue telling me she didn't want a relationship.

 

SO, she shows that she likes me, but I'm unsure. She says she responds to messages on Zoosk, and isn't on there anymore. She says she is not interested, to the guys on zoosk. She changed her city to the city of her college, and I asked her about it, and she said it was her friend.

 

Her friend knows all about me because she told her, and showed her the car I drive, and she loves it lol...

 

So, I don't know if I'm getting played with, OR she really wants to commit 100% of her time like she says. I think she doesn't want to be in a relationship, and ruin it because I 'may' get mad if we don't Skype or something, which isn't true. I accept that she is busy.

 

ALSO, one time, I posted a status (saying, how could I trust someone who changes their city on a dating site, to find more guys) and the girl we went to the party with showed Kim. Then Kim yelled at me and said she wants me to trust her, and wanted to say 'I was being silly, I will be yours'. So she said she was going to be mine, and say she was kidding about setting time aside for her and I, away from college.

 

So it's really complicated. She hadn't added anyone on FB, except one guy that said "I am free to text when your free lol" and she said "Okay cool :)"

 

However, his cover photo is something about sex, and she said she wanted some guy who loved her for her, not for sex. She said she randomly had a guy at the mall tell her she is only f*ckable.

 

So what does this sound like? lol.

Does it sound like she is trying to look for someone else, and I'm the fallback guy?

OR, is she being truthful, and doesn't want to ruin our friendship/relationship because of not having enough time?

 

There are more clues to her liking me, but I am flooded with these thoughts that I'm being played with. I just think if she didn't like me, she would have told me... She said she likes me a lot, and really wants to make sure she has the time.

 

P.S. She goes to the same college as the other distant relationship in my threads haha. Odd, I know. The other girl knows Kim, because Kim tried getting with her ex boyfriend. Now he doesn't go there.

 

Kim said if she didn't wait for me to hangout with her, she would have had a boyfriend already.

 

I think she likes me, but there are some assumptions I have that she doesn't like me. I really wish she could show me, or explain to me what I am to her, and maybe I will trust her... She asks me all the time and then she says "I'm speechless" but she could never tell me what I mean to her...

Edited August 22, 2012 by lover4721

[Emilia]

Her concerns about the distance and time are legitimate to me, it's how I would feel. Especially in a new relationship spending that little time with someone isn't much really and it wouldn't be enough for me either. It could be a blow off but to me it sounds like a legitimate thing. She slept with her ex because she had trouble letting go but overall it sounds to me that she usually tries to do what she thinks works.

[lover4721]

But she hasn't really mentioned that distance is trouble for her. Like I said, if she broke up with her boyfriend last year, she should have no issue telling me that she doesn't want a relationship. :/ She said she had a distant relationship. Also, with her ex, he was supposed to visit her when he raced his car near her college. So it honestly doesn't seem if distance is the issue. :/ She said it was not, she had already done it before.

 

I'd like to talk to her about it, but she doesn't really talk... When we do talk, she says, "Yes, she wants a relationship, but wants to set aside time for her and I after band camp."

 

 

She adds all these guys from all over. No one that she is adding is from the college... It's usually near home, near me, so I am assuming she is looking still. AND, I also asked if she wants someone closer to college, and she said, "No, I want you."

But, then again, her changing her city provides evidence for which she doesn't want a relationship where she will see me every weekend. She wants one closer...

 

I have no issue driving down there for the weekend... I enjoy driving a lot, and it provides calmness for me. IF she wanted someone who would see her weekly, she would ask me if I will drive down there to see her. lol.

 

Maybe I should tell her that if we go further, I would love to support her, and make a promise to be at all her marching band shows. I think maybe that will provide assurance that I am interested?

 

So what do I do? Wait until she texts me, since she never replied anyhow, and talk to her? I talk to her, and she says it's fine, she likes me a lot, I attract her, she wants to date me badly, but wants to wait until band camp is over so we can Skype, and she can be a good girlfriend. I'm not sure if this is the truth, OR not. I hate nagging her about it, because I've studied relationships and Psychology, and several negative interactions could ruin a relationship, indefinitely. I just don't feel as if she is telling me the truth, but again, if she broke up with her ex, she should have no problem letting me go...

Edited August 22, 2012 by lover4721

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I orginally read this as "She doesn't want to start a relatinship because of "bad cramps". In that case, yes, that would be BS..but in this case, I agree with Emilia.

[lover4721]

Haha what do you agree with? What do I do?

 

Now that I think of it, she did ask me to Skype several times, and stopped when we stopped talking. When we stopped talking, she started to add random people from home, so could she be looking for other people and think I'm not interested?

 

When we talked, we Skyped a lot... Maybe because she is trying to figure out if it's a good idea?

 

Should I give her space to miss me? Should I talk to her?

Should I be like every other male, and just say screw her, and be called the man that never gave her a chance?

 

She ALSO said the other day, she responds to messages on Zoosk, because she isn't rude. SO, I don't think she would play me and have me waiting?

Edited August 22, 2012 by lover4721

[lover4721]

Ah, I can't edit my post.

 

I would love nothing more than to talk to her about this, but it seems like we've talked about it a lot, and I'm unsure if she is giving me an honest answer...