Inj Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I am pretty sure my boyfriend is falling out of love with me. he has mentioned that he thinks the spark is gone from our relationship and that his feelings toward me have changed. I however, feel the exact same love towards him that I did since we started dating over 2 years ago. he has also been showing me lately that he is not someone I could depend on. or rely on. for almost anything. I have to instruct him on what he needs to do to make me happy or to get something done. and he has not figured it out yet. and he has not been putting a lot of effort into our relationship lately. and he has been acting very selfish. with that all said. I love him! it is very hard for me to imagine my life without him. he is my first everything and i gave up a lot and fought hard for this guy. my mother who is the only one of my parents that knows about him is completely against him. and I have gotten into a lot of disagreements with her over him. (I attribute her dislike to the fact that my bf is white, and I am middle eastern. ) we have had multiple discussions about him converting to my religion if we ever get married and he has promised that he will look into it. and I have periodically brought it up, and he has too. and he recently confessed that he just avoids that conversations and puts it off. because he just doesnt want to deal with it. while at the same time promising me that he will try to learn something about the religion. he has put zero effort in remembering any of my holidays. even to the point that I would mention to him that a holiday was coming up the night before. and i still dont get a text or any mention of it. I truly believe that it does not matter what culture or religion you end up marrying. but I do want to raise my kids one day in my own religion. which he was not opposed to since he doesnt have one. I just don't have the strength to break up with him. I have put so much effort into the relationship and just do not want it to end. he just let me down so much and I feel so disappointed in him. its like I do not know him at all. I feel stupid for dating him. and think I will be so miserable without him even though he annoys me so much. and a part of me thinks I will be alone forever. and just too scared to be alone in the near future anyway. could somebody please tell me how they were able to let go?
Meg717 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 How old are the two of you?? From my personal experience, I feel that you need to have a discussion, one where he can't talk his way out of, about all the issues you've been having. If no agreement is reached, especially about converting to religion, it's best to move on. Religion is tough...even if it was the love of my life, I don't think I could convert for someone bc I don't believe in organized religion, so you may have to compromise.. 2 years ago, I went through this with my ex (not the religion part)..he would tell me he wasn't sure if he loved me blah blah..anyway, we broke up for about a week and then he had some family issues and we got back together...Fast forward to 2012 - he broke up with me for not loving me anymore...same reason 2 years go...and we won't be getting back together this time.. Don't drag it on...
irin Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I am pretty sure my boyfriend is falling out of love with me. he has mentioned that he thinks the spark is gone from our relationship and that his feelings toward me have changed. I however, feel the exact same love towards him that I did since we started dating over 2 years ago. he has also been showing me lately that he is not someone I could depend on. or rely on. for almost anything. I have to instruct him on what he needs to do to make me happy or to get something done. and he has not figured it out yet. and he has not been putting a lot of effort into our relationship lately. and he has been acting very selfish. with that all said. I love him! it is very hard for me to imagine my life without him. he is my first everything and i gave up a lot and fought hard for this guy. my mother who is the only one of my parents that knows about him is completely against him. and I have gotten into a lot of disagreements with her over him. (I attribute her dislike to the fact that my bf is white, and I am middle eastern. ) we have had multiple discussions about him converting to my religion if we ever get married and he has promised that he will look into it. and I have periodically brought it up, and he has too. and he recently confessed that he just avoids that conversations and puts it off. because he just doesnt want to deal with it. while at the same time promising me that he will try to learn something about the religion. he has put zero effort in remembering any of my holidays. even to the point that I would mention to him that a holiday was coming up the night before. and i still dont get a text or any mention of it. I truly believe that it does not matter what culture or religion you end up marrying. but I do want to raise my kids one day in my own religion. which he was not opposed to since he doesnt have one. I just don't have the strength to break up with him. I have put so much effort into the relationship and just do not want it to end. he just let me down so much and I feel so disappointed in him. its like I do not know him at all. I feel stupid for dating him. and think I will be so miserable without him even though he annoys me so much. and a part of me thinks I will be alone forever. and just too scared to be alone in the near future anyway. could somebody please tell me how they were able to let go? ouch big mistake never give things up for people who dont respect your cultural/religious views, they dont deserve it. p.s eid mubarak.
Author Inj Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Thanks Meg. I am almost 25 he is 22. its the first long term relationship for both of us. the first ever for me. and Irin. to be honest I am not sure I can say he does not respect my religion or culture. last year we fasted together, until I had to stop because of health reasons. so he was trying to be supportive and participate with me. but then I told him it was eid the night before and all I wanted was a godamn happy eid text. But he is not a bad guy, he works hard and is nice to me. he is just a happy guy. and he has always tried to listen to me, and let me tell him about any problems I have had. I went through a depression phase when we were together. and dealt with major family issues. which are now driving him away as well. but in the beginning of our relationship, the things my family was doing and saying would have sent any guy running in the opposite direction. he would come see me and his parents were concerned for his safety because my parents seemed like they could be violent towards him or hurt me. I just can't tell if what we are going through is temporary or If i just did not know him well enough. it has only been the last few months that I am starting to feel this way and these things came up. he just keeps disappointing me. like the other day I had a final exam at 7pm. and it was the night before that we had this long discussion and I was emotional and cried a lot. and we both did not get to bed till about 3 am. we both got up at 7. he went to work and I spent the whole day studying. we agreed that I would get take a nap before my test and he would come over after hes done work at 5. to wake me up and take me to my final. and I set an alarm for 5.30 and when I got up he was not there. I texted him where he was, and he goes oh I dont think i am going to make it before your exam. sorry. that made me panic and rush out the door. as now instead of having an hour to kill before heading there I have to take the bus an hour early. all I wanted was a phone call letting me know he wasnt gonna be there! so I dont have to freak out about getting to my exam. and when I brought it up later he said that he would have come drive me to the exam if i missed the bus or if I asked him to. anyway I better stop blabbing. I really appreciate that I get a chance to somewhat talk about this.
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