rutgers24 Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 My boyfriend and I broke up about a month and a half ago. We were going out for two years and both 20 years old. The reason we broke up was because he wanted to be on his own for a while and I guess do his thing. But there is an important factor in all of this. His best friend backstabbed him about 6 months ago and they stopped speaking. Maybe around three months ago I see his ex best friend at the gym and I confront him. I tell him that they should talk and patch things up. Well to make a long story short, they patched things up, but my boyfriend started changing. He still hung out with me and we were the same, but something was off. He was now always out with his friends and he just changed personality wise. So he broke up with me, like I said last month. Now here is my problem. Yesterday, he called me up to say Hi and see if I wanted to have some coffee. I said Yes and didnt think anything of it. When I saw him, he kept smiling from like ear to ear. At first I didn't say much because it was weird. So he kept asking me whats new and than he said joking around, "You love to talk and your not talking, and now Im the one thats talking". I just got a feeling that he was nervous that I wasnt saying much at first. So we went out and had coffee, than he asked if I was hungry so we got something to eat. I offered to pay for my own food but he said no. After we were done eating, he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his friends, but I said no. After we went out to eat, we ran into his friend(the ex best friend in the story). He had the nerve to not say Hi to him until my ex boyfriend told him"Hey, you dont know how to say Hi". The friend proceeded to say he didn't see me, which I knew he saw me. When the evening was over, he said bye and told me to call him whenever I wanted to hang out. So my question is, why did he call me to hang out? All my friends say its because he misses me and wants to have me there when he's done doing his thing. I guess Im kinda surprised that he would want to hang out this soon into the breakup. I was his first love and he was mine. Also, when we broke up, he was like "Your the perfect girl for me, and I hope I end up with me, but right now I need to be on my own. But, Im not surprised because we're only 20 yrs old, and if its meant to be it'll be. The part that throws me off is that he doesn't believe in being friends with an ex. He always said either we're together or not. So why does he want to be my friend?!I just need ADVICE PLEASE about why he wanted to hang out.
jw32802 Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Ok when you broke up a month and a half ago, did you break all contact? Did you stop calling him, did you date others, did he?
Fayebelle Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Do you want him back or are you happy to be friends?
uriel Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Your friends are right. Your ex is making sure you are still there for him -- or will be when he gets around to wanting to see you again. Your agreeing to coffee and food shows him you are. Guys are funny, too, about their girls seeing other guys, even when the girl in question is a significant ex. In this case, he probably wanted news of whether you had moved on yet. If you haven't, you made him happy. Frankly, I think you ought to avoid this ex. He broke up with you and you ought to hold that against him. I'm not saying to be bitter or vengeful, but you shouldn't be totally open, accepting, or passive about that either. Unless he comes back around with something more specific to offer, he's just playing cat and mouse. That's not nice coming from a guy who broke your heart so he could cruise chicks. -- uriel
Fayebelle Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Originally posted by uriel Your friends are right. Your ex is making sure you are still there for him -- or will be when he gets around to wanting to see you again. Your agreeing to coffee and food shows him you are. Guys are funny, too, about their girls seeing other guys, even when the girl in question is a significant ex. In this case, he probably wanted news of whether you had moved on yet. If you haven't, you made him happy. Frankly, I think you ought to avoid this ex. He broke up with you and you ought to hold that against him. I'm not saying to be bitter or vengeful, but you shouldn't be totally open, accepting, or passive about that either. Unless he comes back around with something more specific to offer, he's just playing cat and mouse. That's not nice coming from a guy who broke your heart so he could cruise chicks. -- uriel It is possible that he wants to get back together BUT it is also totally possible he wants to start a friendship w/out romance. That is why it is important for you to decide what you want from him. If you want to get back w/him than proceed w/extreme caution so you don't get hurt if that isn't his intent. But if you just want his friendship than move slow and see how it goes. Either way he has placed it in your hands to see how often you talk so make sure you know what you want before you proceed.
Author rutgers24 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 First off, I want to thank everyone for their replies. I didn't contact my ex when we broke up. He called me four days later after he broke up with me to see how I was doing. We hadn't spoken in like 3 weeks and than he called me to hang out. I'm just going to be careful and not think anything of it. I do want to get back together but at the same time I'm not stressing it. I dont need to be someone's second choice.
simplybrill Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Thats right, I wouldnt want to be anyone's second choice either! My ex is trying to play the same game, but when we were together- he acted like he didnt need a girl! Well now he's trying to contact me and "have lunch sometime" but guess who's definitely not avaliable for him, heh heh heh.
Author rutgers24 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 In my opinion, I believe you dont know what you have until its gone. When my ex and I hung out yesterday, I didn't feel excited or anything. I know the reason I wasn't excited was because I just don't care anymore. I'm not going to spend my days thinking or worrying about him coming back. I feel that everyone should understand that no one is worth crying for. They will all realize in time what they had and REGRET it. Right now, my ex wants to be friends because he doesn't want to lose me. But people need to understand that the world doesn't revolve around them and what is convenient for them. The biggest lesson I've learned is that I'm my first priority. I love my ex and his family as well, but at the same time, I'm not going to be played a fool. If anyone is going through a situation similiar to mine, its important to understand that some people, like my ex, want to do "their own thing", but the party doesn't last forever. It gets old quickly. Everything happens when you least expect it. I hope this helps anyone out there :-)
jw32802 Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Rutgers I really hope you are right. I hope that mine realizes what he had and comes crawling back so i can say forget it. If he comes back and says hes changed, I will make him wait a few months begging and make him prove it before i take him back. I do believe you don't know what you've got till it's gone. I wonder how long it takes them to realize this? It's been 2 weeks since ive had contact w/ my ex, maybe thats not long enough for him to miss me quite yet? See, we broke up 3-4 mths ago but we always ended up talking or texting at least once a week. This time i changed my number and WONT call him. if he calls i will ignore it and make him beg. Hes supposedly dating someone but i know that she is not as great as me. (sorry, dont mean to brag but i know im better than this girl). Secretly, i thought that since its been 2 weeks, he would have came to my house or emailed by now but maybe he needs more time to miss me. I know im the best he will ever get. Is 2 weeks too short of time to expect that he's missing me? hmm i wonder how much longer. you can email me if you want [email protected] ; we seem to be in the same boat!
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