How to actively persue without coming across desperate/needy/stalkerish/creepy

[Failboy]

Whenever I actively persue a woman who is not all over me, I immediately feel like a desperate tool - and apparently so do those women - as they are only pushed off by my advances and eventually cut ties completely.

 

Now, the obvious answer might be "don't persue women who aren't interested".

Well, yes. But thing is.. some women appear very interested, but still won't initiate the dating process or comply quickly to requests. Even though they actually want to date, they also want to be persued and they sure as hell don't want to "be easy".

Also, I've heard women say that they "gave in" and decided to give some guy "a chance" after he persued them heavily for weeks. Sounds very weird to me - chances are if I aggressively persue a woman for weeks, she'll call the cops on me.

 

So I guess I need to make some changes. For instance, there was this girl who was really, really interested on the evening we met. But since then, she initially didn't pick up the phone and then replied to my texted dating request that she is not dating at all right now and likes being single and without men right now. So I figured I write a couple more texts, she replied fast and in a friendly manner.

So then, I gave her a facebook friend request, which is not a big deal at all - I've gotten requests from straight guys after talking for 2 minutes at a party or so - but she rejected it and didn't text back. Made me feel like a needy creep, who stalks facebook accounts even though my persuit was not aggressive at all compared to what other men do when there is chemistry...

 

P.S.: Just doing "nothing" does nothing for me. If I did that with her, I'm sure she would have never, ever called me.

[pteromom]

Show interest and make the first move.

 

If she seems interested, continue. If she turns cold and rejecting, stop pursuing.

 

Never take the initiative on looking up stuff about her. If she gives you her FB info, great. If you look it up and take it upon yourself to FR her - CREEPY.

 

I once broke it off with a guy. We went on one date, and apparently I told him where I worked during the date. The next day, he SHOWED UP AT MY WORK. I was completely freaked out, because I didn't invite him... he just looked up the address and showed up!

 

So - show interest. If it is reciprocated, get or give contact info and/or ask for a date. If she still shows interest, keep pursuing. But don't push things or just take it upon yourself to make a decision she should have some say in.

[truth_seeker]

Show interest and make the first move.

 

If she seems interested, continue. If she turns cold and rejecting, stop pursuing.

 

Never take the initiative on looking up stuff about her. If she gives you her FB info, great. If you look it up and take it upon yourself to FR her - CREEPY.

 

I once broke it off with a guy. We went on one date, and apparently I told him where I worked during the date. The next day, he SHOWED UP AT MY WORK. I was completely freaked out, because I didn't invite him... he just looked up the address and showed up!

 

So - show interest. If it is reciprocated, get or give contact info and/or ask for a date. If she still shows interest, keep pursuing. But don't push things or just take it upon yourself to make a decision she should have some say in.

 

Facebook I disagree with. It's a social network website. No harm in contacting someone on there. Just make sure to send a message telling the person who you are and where you know them from.

 

The guy showing up at your work, that's scary.

 

It's one thing to get a message online. It's another to have someone look you up and show up at your work place.

[xpaperxcutx]

Social media is not a good dating platform. Very rarely have I developed anything serious withguys who decided to tske the lazy way of Facebook friending me. In fact I believe they're more conscience of the number of friends they can amass.

 

I can say for certain if you are interested in pursuing a girl, or any girls for that matter, you chase them and give them enough hint that you are interested. Half of the time they will be flattered and the other half will leave you hanging. However your most important mindset is that if your efforts aren't rewarded, you know when it's time to walk away.

With my boyfriend, we started off as friends. He made it known to me he was interested even though I fought off the idea of a serious relationship. Yet after some convincingl on his part, I ended up being the one bringing up a relationship. Sometimes it takes a little convincing for a girl to see your potentials.

[The Way I Am]

You did nothing wrong up until you kept pursing after she turned you down. When she said she's not dating and happy being single, that was a rejection. She initially seemed interested but turned out not to be. It happens. Don't beat yourself up about it.

 

You should take initiative, but don't continue pursing after you've received negative feedback. When you ignore rejection and keep pursuing, that's where you end up seeming creepy or going out with women who've just caved in.

 

Do you think you have trouble telling when a women is turning you down?

 

A good rule to go by is if you ask her out and she says no, "I'm not dating", or "I'm busy that day" without suggesting an alternative, then move on.

[gaius]

A woman who's into you will think your creepy stalking is fantastic. As long as you don't come off as desperate. The art is mostly about reading the woman, determining if she has any kind of legitimate interest in you or not. You also have to be careful with women who haven't dated in a while. Usually there's a reason for that, they just don't want to date period. I've pursued a handful of them and usually it doesn't work out. There have been exceptions though.

[MaxNoob]

A woman who's into you will think your creepy stalking is fantastic.

 

Yeah, if you can make her laugh, you can get away with creeping in the bushes by her house with a Jason mask on.