EllieGirl77 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and living together for 2. We have a great relationship, love spending time together, and eventually would like to get married and have kids but not anytime soon Recently I decided I wanted to go back to school for my masters and got a great opportunity to study in London for a year. He has been extremely supportive through the entire process, but at the same time it has been very difficult for the last several months the closer and closer my travel date comes. Not going isn't an option - I have my apartment, my tuition paid, and my flight booked. He doesn't want me to miss out on this great opportunity either, but lately he has been saying how afraid and worried he is that this year apart will be very damaging to our relationship. He is worried we will grow apart and essentially "ruin" a great future together because we'll be apart. I don't know what to do with this. While I'm scared too, I certainly don't believe some time apart will ruin our chances of a happy future! He travels a lot for work, and oftentimes we will go 3, 4 or 5 weeks without seeing each other - so I feel that a year apart won't be the end of the world. We will probably be able to see each other for about a week every 8-10 weeks, which I think it a fair amount of time given the circumstances. I really think this year apart will be great for me personally and professionally, and I think it will help to solidify how we feel about each other - is it wrong of me to kind of see it this way? We are both awful on the phone, terrible. Usually when he travels we Skype once a week while he's gone and talk on the phone every 2-3 days, then text throughout the day every day. I told him I'd like to keep that type of routine when I'm in London, but he's panicked saying that it will "suck" and be "very difficult" and just doesn't know how he's going to handle it. He isn't sentimental, or romantic, so he doesn't like "cheesy", "cutesy" things like care packages and mix CDs. His big thing is spending quality time together which is obviously going to be difficult. Does anyone have any advice on how I can be supportive and re-assuring while we're a country, not to mention a 9-hour time difference, apart? And any words of wisdom to help me not freak out and worry about what could go wrong in the next year? I keep telling myself it's only a year, and we've already discussed how I'll be moving back home with him once school's over - but I'm also pretty scared that this decision may negatively affect our relationship but I'm sincerely trying to be optimistic, where as he is being "realistic" according to him.... it's a little stressful, any help would be amazing!
justwhoiam Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 9 hours will be an issue if he likes going to sleep early and you're not going to be available when he's not working. It's normal that he's worried. Contact might be very limited. Also, he's not into typing, which makes it even harder. He certainly thought of what it will feel like not seeing you for over 3 months in a row and probably other thoughts about you seeing new people. Be reassuring with him, but don't underestimate his feelings just because you don't feel that way. That's very annoying. Consider there might be conflicts and tension, if & when one of you misses a chance to get in touch with the other. It's not easy to keep in tune and you might not have the same need for contact (how often, how long, etc.) I would say it's not completely new to you two, as he travels and is away for even 5 weeks at a time. But this will be more extended...
anubis1311 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 He isn't sentimental, or romantic, so he doesn't like "cheesy", "cutesy" things like care packages and mix CDs. We are the opposite, i am a hopeless romantic and she hasn't got a romantic bone in her body. But i gave her a promise ring and despite her complete lack of ability to show public affection/buy into the idea of romance she was completely made up by it and it has helped us a lot. Have you thought about giving him a ring and along with it, promises to him? You could google promise rings or check out The Promise Ring « our long distance relationship as it's important you both understand what it is exactly you are promising (noone wants to mistake the meaning of a ring!!) It's not for everyone but for us it was amazing. She now keeps that promise i made to her everyday on her hand Hope things go well for you and i'll be cheering you on
Author EllieGirl77 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 We've discussed both of our expectations, and they were hard conversations. He is certainly aware that I could "meet" someone, although I have told him I have no interest in pursuing anyone else and only want to be with him. It's hard, but I am definitely going to try to just listen to his concerns and be as patient with it as possible - I certainly don't want to "downplay" his feelings, especially since it's hard for him to talk about them. I don't want to do a promise ring because he really isn't attracted to that idea of people "promising" to be together or that nothing will change while apart, he says it's completely unrealistic. Yes, he's certainly a romantic one! I'm putting together an "entertainment" box of things he can do while I'm gone when he gets lonely and bored since we usually spend all our time together when he's home. I'm including itunes gift cards, barnes and noble gift cards, movie gift cards, model kits for cars and airplanes - thing that he enjoys doing. Hopefully he won't consider it too cheesy!
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