Mount Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I have to admit that NC is hard, but it makes me mad to myself that I caved to MM. I wonder MM must feel good, ego boosting that his OW always is hanging on them...:(:( I am just so mad......so mad.....to him and myself.
MourningLosses Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I feel for you Mount but at least he feels something. I think my friend is just angry with *me* for wanting an explanation of what happened and why he went NC without telling me, then again after just a very cruel email. He seems to get no ego boost from my contacting Jim. I don't know what to make of that. Stay strong though as NC is your choice.
Spark1111 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I have to admit that NC is hard, but it makes me mad to myself that I caved to MM. I wonder MM must feel good, ego boosting that his OW always is hanging on them...:(:( I am just so mad......so mad.....to him and myself. Yes, some MM are like that and it should infuriate you! Forgive yourself and try to realize that some men would never put you in that position. They would not want, nor encourage a woman to give, give, give, or feed, feed, feed their ego and make them wait, wait, wait until they were available and absent from their primary relationship to spend time with you. You deserve better....a man who will put you first...a man who loves and cherishes and respects you for who you are.....not just what you will do for him. You are worth more. Demand it.
Author Mount Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 I am partly infuriated at myself, that I can not resist the MM so I guess if I were the MM, "I" must feel very good that there such OW is so hanging on me. Last Friday we did meet up again, and had a bit intimated actions. And the MM wanted me to have full $#@ and I rejected. But again how come the MM so shameless, if he does not truly love me (even though he claims he does), what makes him think he deserves the #$% from me. What makes me more mad is that, after he left I sent him some text messages with challenging question, then he retreated again, saying he wants to be normal with me. That always makes me angry, every time I stressed him a bit, he retreats. I knew the MM is not good, that is why I am so mad at myself. Yes, some MM are like that and it should infuriate you! Forgive yourself and try to realize that some men would never put you in that position. They would not want, nor encourage a woman to give, give, give, or feed, feed, feed their ego and make them wait, wait, wait until they were available and absent from their primary relationship to spend time with you. You deserve better....a man who will put you first...a man who loves and cherishes and respects you for who you are.....not just what you will do for him. You are worth more. Demand it.
mercy Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 When you don't expect more from yourself why should he? You are making yourself available. Then he gets to leave and go home. Stop it. Yes, it's that simple. 4
Author Mount Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Yes that is why my this post claims - I am so MAD at myself, more than the MM. I am really really p%^& off at myself. Seriously, I am so mad at myself. When you don't expect more from yourself why should he? You are making yourself available. Then he gets to leave and go home. Stop it. Yes, it's that simple.
mercy Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Yes that is why my this post claims - I am so MAD at myself, more than the MM. I am really really p%^& off at myself. Seriously, I am so mad at myself. Evidently you're not pi$$ed enough. Mount you aren't a victim in this. You are a willing participant. When we know better we do better. Or not. 1
Author Mount Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Yes Mercy, I know. I did not say I am victim, I am just so mad at myself still having feeling to the MM. Evidently you're not pi$$ed enough. Mount you aren't a victim in this. You are a willing participant. When we know better we do better. Or not.
mercy Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Yes Mercy, I know. I did not say I am victim, I am just so mad at myself still having feeling to the MM. What makes him so lovable? Certainly not the way he treats you. 1
Author Mount Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Exactly....that is why I am so mad at myself.....my brain and my mind (feeling) does not connect right now. What makes him so lovable? Certainly not the way he treats you.
mercy Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Exactly....that is why I am so mad at myself.....my brain and my mind (feeling) does not connect right now. You're lonely, Mount. You're settling. When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. You'll stop. Until then you'll settle I don't think you're mad I think you're feeling sorry for yourself. Who were you before this affair? I think you were a strong woman. I could be wrong.
Author Mount Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Yes, loneliness might be the reason that got me into the A. Yes I was very strong woman (how did you know:rolleyes:), I conquered and achieved everything by myself alone....but I was falling the trap of the MM (here I am not going to detail how the MM was giving signs all the time in the past). I think I am getting there - sick and tired of being sick and tired. But just right now I am so angry at myself I can not detach right away - wish just like a switch on and off. You're lonely, Mount. You're settling. When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. You'll stop. Until then you'll settle I don't think you're mad I think you're feeling sorry for yourself. Who were you before this affair? I think you were a strong woman. I could be wrong.
mercy Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Yes, loneliness might be the reason that got me into the A. Yes I was very strong woman (how did you know:rolleyes:), I conquered and achieved everything by myself alone....but I was falling the trap of the MM (here I am not going to detail how the MM was giving signs all the time in the past). I think I am getting there - sick and tired of being sick and tired. But just right now I am so angry at myself I can not detach right away - wish just like a switch on and off. Well, just like I said in my first post to you in this thread - When you don't expect more from yourself why should he? You are making yourself available. Then he gets to leave and go home. Stop it. Yes, it's that simple. 'night Mount.
Owl Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 NC is hard...but this is why you got so many responses telling you that LC (limited contact...i.e...working together) is nearly impossible. NC is hard...but it's also your best bet for ending the affair. Pretty much the only way for the vast majority of people. And as you're learning painfully, you're probably in that vast majority. This will finally end when you find the strength to truly go NC. I wish you the best...and hope you find that strength soon.
Spark1111 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I am partly infuriated at myself, that I can not resist the MM so I guess if I were the MM, "I" must feel very good that there such OW is so hanging on me. Last Friday we did meet up again, and had a bit intimated actions. And the MM wanted me to have full $#@ and I rejected. But again how come the MM so shameless, if he does not truly love me (even though he claims he does), what makes him think he deserves the #$% from me. What makes me more mad is that, after he left I sent him some text messages with challenging question, then he retreated again, saying he wants to be normal with me. That always makes me angry, every time I stressed him a bit, he retreats. I knew the MM is not good, that is why I am so mad at myself. Well, you are smart in that you are learning how he avoids conflict. When the going gets tough, he runs away. Can you imagine a full time relationship with this man? How infuriating it would be? As long as all is pleasant and easy, he is happy. Demand one whit more and poof! he disappears. Deny him sex...he disappears. I am happy you are getting good and angry. Get angry enough and go NC. It is the only way. The lure, the pull of wanting someone you cannot have is just too great. It plays havoc with your hormones and your emotions. There are chemicals involved very similiar to addictions. NC is cold turkey. Do it for yourself. One day you will look back and think, what did I ever see in him.
Author Mount Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) Thanks for your words. Yes I am angry to myself but I am not getting good apparently, I still had a bit intimated $%^* with him although I refused the 100% of his request. But my choice last Friday was still meaning I was caved to my weak willpower, which wanted to be close with the MM. Also the retreat of the MM after I raised the challenging questions that stressing him makes me so angry to him. I don't know when it can be over, completely....to detach the feeling from the MM, although I am trying so hard. Well, you are smart in that you are learning how he avoids conflict. When the going gets tough, he runs away. Can you imagine a full time relationship with this man? How infuriating it would be? As long as all is pleasant and easy, he is happy. Demand one whit more and poof! he disappears. Deny him sex...he disappears. I am happy you are getting good and angry. Get angry enough and go NC. It is the only way. The lure, the pull of wanting someone you cannot have is just too great. It plays havoc with your hormones and your emotions. There are chemicals involved very similiar to addictions. NC is cold turkey. Do it for yourself. One day you will look back and think, what did I ever see in him. Edited August 22, 2012 by Mount
Author Mount Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 I was sending txt msgs regarding some co-workers that we are having different opinions with. Are you asking him (again) if he loves you or if the two of you are going to have a future? The man is not leaving his marriage of almost four decades for you. What do you get out playing this sick game? Because now it's a game (for both of you) when you do NC and "reunite" as many times as you've done.
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Mount..It'll end completely when you are ready to fully let go and not want him in your life. The pain has to be unbearable and you know the only way out is to go total NC (minus work related issues), no personal stuff, no texting about work stuff either after hours. It can wait until the next day. Hugs to you. (No tough love today - Just know that you DO have it in you to walk away. Trust your instincts and your gut.) 1
Author Mount Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Hi WWI, thank you. I have to be honest with you that the txt msg was not totally work related, as I was mad about him talking about a female coworker I suspected having relationship with him although he insisted they are only work related. So that txt msg did involve my personal feeling that related to the A with the MM. Again, I was just mad to myself why I still have feeling towards the MM, knowing he is only caring about himself.:( Mount..It'll end completely when you are ready to fully let go and not want him in your life. The pain has to be unbearable and you know the only way out is to go total NC (minus work related issues), no personal stuff, no texting about work stuff either after hours. It can wait until the next day. Hugs to you. (No tough love today - Just know that you DO have it in you to walk away. Trust your instincts and your gut.)
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Hi WWI, thank you. I have to be honest with you that the txt msg was not totally work related, as I was mad about him talking about a female coworker I suspected having relationship with him although he insisted they are only work related. So that txt msg did involve my personal feeling that related to the A with the MM. Again, I was just mad to myself why I still have feeling towards the MM, knowing he is only caring about himself.:( I'll kick your butt soon eh! :love: Just think every single time you question him, on a personal level (whether it be how he feels towards you, or how he feels towards someone else) about his life, or anything - HE gets off on it. HUGE ego feed! He loves that it upsets you and he's playing/stringing you along. GET mad. Then cut him off for good. At the end of the day he is who he is and you know this. All of it is pointless.. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all disappear for you. 1
Author Mount Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Ah...WWI, why you said the MM loves that it upsets me and he is playing/stringing you along. Are you saying he is playing mind game with me, for what purpose though. I feel like the MM does not want to deal with the stress I am giving him, thus retreats. That causes me angry as well. I'll kick your butt soon eh! :love: Just think every single time you question him, on a personal level (whether it be how he feels towards you, or how he feels towards someone else) about his life, or anything - HE gets off on it. HUGE ego feed! He loves that it upsets you and he's playing/stringing you along. GET mad. Then cut him off for good. At the end of the day he is who he is and you know this. All of it is pointless.. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all disappear for you.
Author Mount Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 No, LadyGrey, I hate the drama, don't you not see I am so exhausted by that. I want to cut it off, want to detach my personal feeling from the MM but it is so hard. I feel like the detachment is progressing a little bit, but the speed is so slow. Mount, you are playing the game with him. He knows it, you know it. Some people like drama in relationships, they get a high from it. Do you?
Spark1111 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Ah...WWI, why you said the MM loves that it upsets me and he is playing/stringing you along. Are you saying he is playing mind game with me, for what purpose though. I feel like the MM does not want to deal with the stress I am giving him, thus retreats. That causes me angry as well. Well he retreats cuz he can't stand the demands.....but he LOVES that you are jealous, that you are still obssessed with him enough to be upset with him....sigh.
jwi71 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 No, LadyGrey, I hate the drama, don't you not see I am so exhausted by that. I want to cut it off, want to detach my personal feeling from the MM but it is so hard. I feel like the detachment is progressing a little bit, but the speed is so slow. You want to cut off it do badly you text him about another female in the office he might be involved with. Really? How's turn is it now in this juvenile game - yours or his? And who's winning? What's the score? Are the game power ups like in Super Mario?
Author Mount Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) Why you said he loves me being jealous, ego boosting per say? My real question is that what I shall do to make him not feel good about himself, not feel like I am obssessed with him? Well he retreats cuz he can't stand the demands.....but he LOVES that you are jealous, that you are still obssessed with him enough to be upset with him....sigh. Edited August 23, 2012 by Mount
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