bloc75 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Hi, New to this forum, and I guess those who are new are going through personal hell and need to talk about it. Well me and my wife of 7 years (11 in total) are now separated and its not going to reconciled at all. Basically what has caused the issue is when she was on a girls holiday she was unfaithful. I don't know the details, I don't want to know the details. But she was drunk and it happened and she regretted it instantly. This was around 18 months ago. In the past 3 months I had felt that something was wrong and I was just increasingly become scared that she was going to leave me. 4 nights ago she told me that it was over, that she just didn't have any romantic feelings for me. I was angry, bitter, annoyed. The usual, I asked her if there was anybody else and she said there wasn't. The next day I decided to be pro-active, probably still in shock and looked for a new place to live. We were both rattling around the house though, I was trying to do some work, she was packing her bags in floods of tears. I tried to keep her here but she said there was no chance of her mind being changed. So ok, she went. I sent her messages explaining my love for her, and she came back thinking that we could try and work through it. We spent the night, hugged and it was nice. In the morning she was crying and then dropped the bombshell. But still I wasn't angry, I was hurt and upset, but not angry. I still said I wanted to try and work through it. We went for a walk, and some food and it was nice. She decided though to spend the night at her friends to try and think about what she wanted and what was best for us both. At this point its worth noting that I wasn't angry because I felt myself that I had driven her to that point, and if I was in the same situation it may have been reversed. Anyway, the next day she said that we should split. I tried my best to try and save it. To the point of obsession. I spoke with our friends who all agreed that they thought we should stay together, but I just think it came down to her not having any romantic feelings for me and our problems in the bedroom are just too much of an issue. In a way she thinks I deserve someone better. I don't really want anyone else. I've been fighting it, but I still love her, probably more. So does that make me a fool? Love is not something you can turn off/on. Today was possibly the worse day of my life. Because I was hoping her friends could really persuade her, but her mind is made up and that's that. I've been breaking down all day, but have now decided to come and stay at my parents house until I can find the money for a new place to rent. I also have 4 cats, 1 of which she will keep, so I need to find a place for 3 cats to live. I'm also a freelancer and I've been neglecting my clients because of this. I don't think today could get any worse, so I'm hoping and praying that Day 1 starts tomorrow.
worldgonewrong Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Hi, In a way she thinks I deserve someone better. She's right; you DO deserve someone better. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through.
Author bloc75 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Yeah but I don't blame her for what happened. I wasn't anywhere near as attentive as I could have been. We are both to blame in a way, and I have no regrets for our marriage. Just gutted that I drove her to do that.
GuyInLimbo Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 STOP BLAMING YOURSELF! Did she ever say anything to you about you not being attentive enough before she cheated? What problems preceded this? Did you guys ever discuss the issues you had? Dude, she made the decision to cheat. That's her responsibility and her fault. NOT yours.
Author bloc75 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I'm not just blaming myself, but I could have done more and I know I could have. We both knew there was an issue, but it just happened. Things happen when people are drunk. But it was because of how we were. Every other part of our relationship was fine. I don't hate it, and I won't hate her. I hate what happened, but I can't hate her. I love her and I will always love her. She was my wife, my best friend and my soul mate. She messed up, I messed up. She just messed up worse. I know its easy to put the blame on one person and then that makes you feel better and move past it. But how come I am still massively in love with the girl? Those feelings will never leave me. I hope to find someone else who won't hurt me, but I will never stop loving her.
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