robkris8079 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Long story short started dating her at 20. We split when she was 25. I was thinking marriage and kids and she got scared at the end and she wanted to party and experience things. Fast forward to 6 months after the split. We are both in new relationships. She doesn't really like her guy but mine treats me like gold. I still do have feelings for my ex. I even told my current one that and for some god awful reason she is ok with it and says it will fade more her and I are together (red flag). Well I am getting the "I made the biggest mistake of my life", "I want to be with you", "I want everything with you" stuff from her. What the **** did I just do? I told her that it's prob for the best she just leaves me alone. I think I'm gonna be sick
weallfalldown Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 good for you mate......don't give her the satisfaction, make her suffer .....
Author robkris8079 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 honestly I want my ex. I do love her and I don't love my current gf. But then again I didn't love my ex 3 months into the relationship. Guess this is why they say to fully heal before trying to move on. Ha! No one listens to the advice given on this board including me. Things just need to be experienced on their own.
Mike_d Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 What the **** did I just do? umm, the thing that felt true to you?? well done, by doing that you are well ahead of many here. thankfully I have not had to face that situation yet, I hope that I would be as solid as you were if/when
weallfalldown Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 you wanna just go with the flow....and forget about your ex......mate she left you for another......GET IT!!!!????? and you want her??????....i'd rather shove dog **** down her throat.
Author robkris8079 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 wish I knew she left me for another guy for sure because I would get the dog ****. I do know she had a few text exchanges with him before she started acting weird and I broke up with her.
Crila16 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Careful. Don't be a fool. The ex wants you back because she knows you're happy and she's not. It is a case of the GIGS. Once you get her back, it's not going to be what you think. I can tell you from experience. You're going to end it with this current girlfriend, you'll take back your ex...then you're going to miss the current girlfriend and resent the ex. My boyfriend (now ex) put me through the ringer. He broke up with me for his ex girlfriend. Oh yeah...he got her back and lost me. Once he was back with her...all he could think about was me. Then he left her, and I took him back (I was a fool). Once he got me back, he wanted her again. So he dumped me for her. This went on for 3 years. Finally...I didn't want him anymore. He was stuck with her and hated her. He dumped her for good and wouldn't even talk to her. He proposed, he did everything he could. He spent 2-1/2 years trying to win me back. 10 years later, he's still not over me. He can't stand her.
Author robkris8079 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 that hurt my brain to read and I have no clue who ended up with who? 1
Crila16 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 He ended up with no one. He lost me, because he chose his ex girlfriend...just like you're thinking about doing. Once he had her...he couldn't stand her and missed me...just like you'll miss your current girlfriend. Get it now????
MuscleCarFan Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I feel like a moron but...what is GIGS? You're not the only one, lol.
Pogona Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Click below: Grass is Greener Syndrome Enlightening, thank you.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Dont get back with her. When she sees that another woman wants you, she wants to know what she missed out on, and maybe she was wrong about her attraction to you. Her new guy isnt working out and thats the only reason she is looking for you. Remember she was ready to move onto another guy, and she will do it again, because the reasons she wasnt attracted to you in the first place didnt change. Its her lonlieness that is looking for you, not attractiveness. Thats not a reason to get back with her.
big bear Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Careful. Don't be a fool. The ex wants you back because she knows you're happy and she's not. It is a case of the GIGS. Once you get her back, it's not going to be what you think. I can tell you from experience. You're going to end it with this current girlfriend, you'll take back your ex...then you're going to miss the current girlfriend and resent the ex. My boyfriend (now ex) put me through the ringer. He broke up with me for his ex girlfriend. Oh yeah...he got her back and lost me. Once he was back with her...all he could think about was me. Then he left her, and I took him back (I was a fool). Once he got me back, he wanted her again. So he dumped me for her. This went on for 3 years. Finally...I didn't want him anymore. He was stuck with her and hated her. He dumped her for good and wouldn't even talk to her. He proposed, he did everything he could. He spent 2-1/2 years trying to win me back. 10 years later, he's still not over me. He can't stand her. Scary but very true and plausible..
Author robkris8079 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 well I went home and told my girlfriend everything. About my ex contacting me, exactly what she has been saying, that she wants me back and that I still feel like I love her. I was called an idiot among many other names. She was out and texted me even worse things. Obviously alcohol involved. End of the night after talking to the ex via text message and venting some things I've wanted to say to her in the past and listening to her responses I decided to finally tell her to stop contacting me. I need to move on and she needs to do the same. No way this girl has changed in 6 months. Her relationship is miserable and she is finally going to be moving out into the world getting her own apartment and she is scared. I always took care of her, was there for support and help when she needed it. She is still lacking these life experiences I feel. I feel if I went back she really would just leave again. On the side of my girlfriend well I still have feelings for an ex. I like my gf, we are compatible in so many ways but I can't give my all to her. I don't want to lose her but if I were to stay with her it's unfair. It's selfish and it's me being a person I don't want to be. Basically I think I'm just going to be alone.
Frank13 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 What the **** did I just do? I told her that it's prob for the best she just leaves me alone. I think I'm gonna be sick If you would have let her back she would have probably said no. Everyone wants what they can't have. We see it over and over here. Person A is pinning for Person B and wants them back. Person B finally comes back and now Person A doesn't want them. So person B leaves which causes Person A to now want them. Person A now goes begging to Person B, but now Person B doesn't want Person A. That's why people want contact. They want the ego stroke. Once they get it they feel they can then move on. A lot of the problem with break ups is the rejection and blow to the ego. People don't really want to get back togther. They just want to feel validated by the other person. Had you said "Yes" your ex probably would have then said 'No".
Tree_Salmon Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Long story short started dating her at 20. We split when she was 25. I was thinking marriage and kids and she got scared at the end and she wanted to party and experience things. Fast forward to 6 months after the split. We are both in new relationships. She doesn't really like her guy but mine treats me like gold. I still do have feelings for my ex. I even told my current one that and for some god awful reason she is ok with it and says it will fade more her and I are together (red flag). Well I am getting the "I made the biggest mistake of my life", "I want to be with you", "I want everything with you" stuff from her. What the **** did I just do? I told her that it's prob for the best she just leaves me alone. I think I'm gonna be sick I went through the same thing. It's not worth it. Just stay happy and do your thing
Author robkris8079 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 my girlfriend is perfect and makes me happy. Thoughts of an ex cloud my head. I shouldn't have thoughts but I never closed the door. I left it open by allowing her to text me and letting mutual friends tell me ****. I never gave my girlfriend a chance at all but I want too. I am scared, not going to lie.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 my girlfriend is perfect and makes me happy. Thoughts of an ex cloud my head. I shouldn't have thoughts but I never closed the door. I left it open by allowing her to text me and letting mutual friends tell me ****. I never gave my girlfriend a chance at all but I want too. I am scared, not going to lie. I dunno Rob, now that you closed the door on your ex, it might not take long for your heart to give the new gf a chance. Not many people have the will to completely shut out an ex like you have. Kudos to you. Keep that door closed, and you will move on faster. If you can keep up that state of mind, you might even be able to switch your mind to the new gf. Give it a shot.
Author robkris8079 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 I'm going to try. I already told her not to contact me and made it so she can't check up on me on the social media sites. Just knowing she could see them before made me post things with the intention of her seeing it! Next up is to make it clear to all friends and family I don't want to know anything about her or hear her name.
weallfalldown Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 i'm warning you, if you don't put the effort in with the new one, you'll lose everything!!!!!!
Tree_Salmon Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 i'm warning you, if you don't put the effort in with the new one, you'll lose everything!!!!!! This is true. Don't get stuck on the past because it will effect your present. You might find yourself feeling sorry that you never gave your current girlfriend the shot she deserved. Also, why the f**k are you dating without being over your ex?! This is the biggest reason most relationships are messed up nowadays. You should have dealt with your ex feelings first. I have a feeling this is going to heavily effect your current relationship. Maybe not now because you guys are still so infatuated with each other, but soon as it calms down. 1
Crila16 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 robkris...I'm sorry you're going through this but it's so sad that you're throwing away a quality girl, over a girl who isn't worth it. Wow...life is messed up. It's probably for the best that you break up with your current girlfriend, so she can find a guy who can give her 100% and really love her. If you don't have it to give, you're depriving her and not being fair. It's just sad (cause I'm a little older than you and have seen it before) that once you realize what a loser your ex is and all feelings fade (which they will), you'll be kicking yourself for losing the current girlfriend and she will be happy in a new relationship. That's when you're really going to kick yourself. It sounds like this new girl knows how to have a healthy relationship. It's a shame your ex has so much power over you.
Author robkris8079 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 This is true. Don't get stuck on the past because it will effect your present. You might find yourself feeling sorry that you never gave your current girlfriend the shot she deserved. Also, why the f**k are you dating without being over your ex?! This is the biggest reason most relationships are messed up nowadays. You should have dealt with your ex feelings first. I have a feeling this is going to heavily effect your current relationship. Maybe not now because you guys are still so infatuated with each other, but soon as it calms down. My past is already messing with my present and my future. Steps have been made to correct this. Effort on my part is being put in!! I'm going 100% Yup totally agree with the being over first before getting into something else. I felt that I might never be over my ex ever. Especially after reading so much stuff on here about how years later people are still in love with ex's. I was open and honest with my current gf from the beginning. How long i was with my ex, when we split, how I'm feeling and everything. I did not blindside her at all with any of this. Honestly I had been in NC and feeling pretty good but always had an itch in the back of my head. I needed to do this contact in order to actually let go. robkris...I'm sorry you're going through this but it's so sad that you're throwing away a quality girl, over a girl who isn't worth it. Wow...life is messed up. It's probably for the best that you break up with your current girlfriend, so she can find a guy who can give her 100% and really love her. If you don't have it to give, you're depriving her and not being fair. It's just sad (cause I'm a little older than you and have seen it before) that once you realize what a loser your ex is and all feelings fade (which they will), you'll be kicking yourself for losing the current girlfriend and she will be happy in a new relationship. That's when you're really going to kick yourself. It sounds like this new girl knows how to have a healthy relationship. It's a shame your ex has so much power over you. I'm not throwing the quality girl away at all. I want her in my life. I do not want the ex and I needed to this all to happen in order to get out of just the NC limbo. Agreed that I should break up with my current. We discussed it for quite awhile. I actually said almost the exact same words to her. For some reason she wants us to work. I do too, but it took me being a complete idiot to figure it out. For the first time in almost 6 years I seen who my ex was. Sure she was saying everything I wanted her to say when we were together but she is just saying it. She is inexperienced child that within these months apart from me did not learn or grow at all. "Loser" is a good word to describe her. I had so many realizations after the short communication with her. I have no clue how this woman had such a hold on me? My current gf does know how to have a healthy relationship. She is the smartest, most mature, and rational 26 year old I have ever met! Amazing how two people the same age can be in two totally different points in their lives. I am also amazed how attracted to those qualities I am. I really can't understand how I loved my ex not having them? In closing I better get my **** together, my head on straight and stop f#cking around before I lose the best gf I ever had. Even if her and I don't work for what ever reason in the future to let it not work now due to a person like my ex is just despicable and I will regret it.
Crila16 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 ...and yes you will regret it. As I told you above, my ex boyfriend found that out the hard way when he dumped me for his ex. He just couldn't stop loving her, even though she was horrible to him. He dumped her in the end and realized he couldn't stand her. It finally clicked in his brain, how awesome I was. 10 years later he's STILL trying to get me back. I don't want him. I won't even return his emails. Just think about letting your current girl go and how you're going to feel 6 months down the road when she's with a new guy who's loving her and holidng her at night, and you're alone. It will sting like a biatch.
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