Mariana345 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I'm close to the 3 months mark. I'm starting the 11th week after BU and I don't know how many of NC, wich started almost immediately, but I think the real NC started like 3 weeks after BU. He didn't contacted me, just one time to ask for his money and that's all. I unfriend him from facebook and he blocked me about one month ago. So we now don't have any link real or virtual between us, just some mutual friends who are the best and don't say anything about him to me. I love those friends I packed all the presents he gave me in those almost 5 years because it was really hurtful to see them and knowing he was not in my life anymore. I tried to go out more, but I had so many memories in this city with him that is been dificult not to remember. But still I'm trying. For some reason I still have this feeling that he would come back some day, but I no longer want that, since I found out he left me for someone else, its not completely confirmed because my friends don't want to tell me, but all the evidences point that, so I'm believing the worst case scenario. I still miss him a lot, but I don't want to get back with him, I couldn't, the little trust I had in him is lost forever, and getting back won't work ever again. He was my first real love, I cared dearly for him, I drop my biggest dreams to stay with him, wich also made me really unhappy and frustrated and that got through the relationship. I just saw his photo in facebook (I couldn't help it, but it made me good), he changed it, he is alone and really serious, he seem a little thinner and I didn't recognize the background. So I came to realize that we already started our lifes apart, and that is really sad. I actually believed that we will spend our lifes together, and now is over. He will find someone else and I will find someone else, and most likely we are not going to see each other anymore. We shared a lot of great memories, a lot of great stories, We were each other first love and that is something that we will never going to forget. I can't see us together anymore, I just can't. We would just be figthing, those happy times are not going back, never. I still have this heaviness in my heart when I think about it. Just a little sad and heavy feeling, for something great that failed. I want to travel, I want to go abroad and study or volunteer, I have set my goals for the next years, and today I'm going to start working on them, nobody is going to stop me now, nobody, even myself. From today I won't look for reconciliation stories in this or other sites, I have learned everything I could about non-chalant, keep the dignity, NC, LC, NIC, about cheaters, about successfull reconciliation, and I noticed that it wouldn't work with us, mostly because I don't want to. I don't have anything to come back to, so I'm moving forward. I will like to say to HIM: I really loved you, I wanted this to work. For some reason I never completely trust you and now I know why. I should trust my instincts and "hear" your actions, not your words. I think you will regret later, too late unfortunately, I will never go back to that. You are not worth to leave myself for, and I will never going to do it again. I will find someone who love me for who I am, with my good maners, my good heart and my biggest dreams, and he won't want me to be less that what I can. He will impel me to be the best one, he will love more dearly than you and won't be intimidated for the great person that I am and I will be. Now I'm really dumping you, I will take you out from my heart in no time, since you already are half way and I'm going to be really, really happy without you in my life. I don't have any wishes for you. I don't wish you happiness but neither to be unhappy, I just wish you to enjoy your life the best you can, and that's all. All the love that I had for you is now gone. Live well, I think. So, now I'm "graduating". I will spend less time here and more time in my real life XD I will seek for that abroad life, and for that career path that I always wanted. I am open for love again and this time I won't settle, I will find the real one. I will do the things that I love and I'm sure I will find him there, just in my way, and we then could walk together. I do believe that, and I'm going to make that happen 2
InAFog Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Fantastic!! congratulations! I am also at the 3 month mark. I wish i could feel the same as you. i am so tired of dragging these feelings around. i will return to your post for inspiration. Thanks!
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I'm at the three month marker too. Some days I feel better; like I am moving on with my life - the last two though, I have felt a sadness (albeit one that I know will soon pass). NC is the only way to heal and the realization that digging for information about the other person is only going to set you back. Most days I have a calmness, I too still have that heaviness in my heart, but it has dulled from a "longing" feeling to just a realization that I am empty at the moment. In time I know that emptiness will subside by new things in my life, better things, and hopefully at some point a new love that is a 180 of the last. That wants the best things for me. It's a long journey but we'll get there!
Author Mariana345 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Yes, NC is a 2 way street, for us to heal, forget and move on, for them to realize, miss, and have their space. I wish both of you can heal soon. Remember to think about this issue as a whole, not just the good things, that bad habits, those things that made us feel sad or angry, all the problems are part of them and the Relationship, and either for reconciliation or move on it is necessary to consider them. Good luck! You can do it
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