Almost 40 and no relationship experience

[Big Blue Box]

To me, a woman in her 30s with a long list of failed long term relationships is much more of a red flag than anything else.

 

True that someone that had LTRs is going to be trouble free. However, those problems are still nothing compared to the men and women that had no LTRs at all.

[thatone]

Completely disagree. OLD is much more worth my time if someone is honest and knows what to write. I'd rather know someone's morals/principles, if they have hobbies and what they are, what they are looking for, etc up front than waste my time for months to find out.

 

but that's the thing, a very large percentage of people on dating sites are not honest at all. and there's no way to filter that, so you have no choice but to spend far more time on dishonest people than they deserve.

[Big Blue Box]

Ha!

 

I'll just use that from now on.

 

She asks me, "So why haven't you had a girlfriend yet at 30 yeas old?"

I respond, "Oh I just haven't met anybody I was compatible with."

 

Good point. I can just hear a woman's response to that. I think it would be "Oh really? If you haven't had a girlfriend because none of the thousands of available women are somehow "compatible" then how are we going to be "compatible" then? Let's just be friends, OK?" Hell, she may even omit the last line and just brush the guy off and go to her next date that has experience and get into a relationship with him. Women tend to be more finicky than men when it comes to things like experience, weight, and height just to name a few.

[irc333]

Much like a person looking for a job. The employer insists on prior experience but, how will they get experience, if no one is willing to give it to them?

 

DITTO this!

[irc333]

I look at it more as you make moves and do things to get over humps.

 

I'll be honest. I think any guy who is in his 30s and a virgin should go pay for sex. Hire an escort and get over that hump. Feel what it's like and thus carry on a new man.

 

Secondly, I still say many inexperienced men out there should seriously invest money to fix the problem. There are real-life "Hitch" dating coaches that make a living helping guys. Hire one, listen to him/her, do the things and get out of "constantly friendzoned" and into "met Ms Right".

 

Talking on a board isn't the same thing.

 

 

Third, I think women should stop thinking a guy who hasn't been in a long RL is instantly a guy who wants to remain single or whatever "playa" fantasy you believe.

 

Start thinking perhaps while he seems sweet, kind, cute, and wonderful...perhaps he was the guy who was constantly passed up. My own fiancee still can't understand why so many women rejected me in my life, but she's not complaining.

 

The reality is 20something women are different from 30 and 40something women. Maybe in your 20s you were obsessed with the athletic stylish exciting guy at the club, but now in your 30s you're happy with just a decent looking guy who wants to settle down, and thus you see the past guy as "ewww...what was I thinking?"

 

So now imagine that "decent looking guy who wants to settle down" in his 20s...constantly rejected, barely ever getting to the point of a RL before the girl flakes and moves on, and perhaps even still a virgin.

 

That's why he's lacking in experience...and if your choices are guys with little experience versus actual playas who have decreed they will remain "single and bangin" for the rest of their lives, you women then might want to stop complaining about the state of males and instead help build men out of these inexperienced guys.

 

Yeah, that's probably why some of these guys lack the relationship experience. They attempt, but they either get women that flake on them or put them in the FZ.

 

These women aren't helping their cause either.

 

Some people haven't had a LTR because they haven't found someone compatible. This is much more preferable to me than someone who has had many LTR because they don't know what they are looking for.

 

Right, people in long term relationships, that wind up staying in them even though they aren't even into the person or don't know what they want, in fact....I think their issues far outweigh those who don't have much experience.

 

Also, people lacking in experience, probably have better morals than people who relationship hop or sleep around.

Edited August 26, 2012 by irc333

[Big Blue Box]

Are you for real? It's not as uncommon as you think and it isn't an orange or red flag. Some people from strict religious/cultural backgrounds don't start dating until their early 20s, for example. Other people have their own reasons, from focusing on their education and work to problems with their lives. Hell it could be that they used to be really fat or something and couldn't get dates but then worked and lost the weight.

 

Anyway, it's easy to lie about past encounters or old relationships. Chances are a new partner isn't going to care enough to quiz you on it too much. No experience sexually can also be sorted out.. find a ONS or get a prostitute.

 

BTW, a new partner can generally sense when someone is inexperienced as they will not have the skills necessary for building a LTR.

 

Yes, I am for real.

Edited April 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ascendotum]

BTW, a new partner can generally sense when someone is inexperienced as they will not have the skills necessary for building a LTR.

Yes, I am for real.

 

So I gather you plan on being single for the rest of your life?

You think girls did the right thing avoiding you when you were younger, and now at this point in your life you are damaged goods and they have even more reason to not give you a shot, except for maybe as a friend.

Not all guys who miss getting into LTRs in their 20s were clingy or stalkers, though the propensity is there for them to be that way as the years go by and they don't do any serious evaluation of their weaknesses and try to adapt to what women want.

Edited April 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[somedude81]

Yeah, that's probably why some of these guys lack the relationship experience. They attempt, but they either get women that flake on them or put them in the FZ.

 

These women aren't helping their cause either.

Exactly.

 

While flaking has never been a problem for me, I'm frequently friendzoned or girls do the fade on me and just disappear.

 

So I'm basically trying to get a job, when all jobs require experience, and I never make it pass the interview.

[fortyninethousand322]

That thread is from 2010. Why is it being brought up now? There's been tons of more recent "inexperienced" threads since then.

[Big Blue Box]

So I gather you plan on being single for the rest of your life?

 

You think girls did the right thing avoiding you when you were younger, and now at this point in your life you are damaged goods and they have even more reason to not give you a shot, except for maybe as a friend.

 

Yes I do as I know my behaviour will continue with the nextdate. On top of thatI have no relationship skills and it will not last to even become a relationship let alone a LTR. BTW, I was given a few chances as I havedates, unfortunately I scared them off with my creepy personality.

 

Not all guys who miss getting into LTRs in their 20s were clingy or stalkers, though the propensity is there for them to be that way as the years go by and they don't do any serious evaluation of their weaknesses and try to adapt to what women want.

 

Of course not. Nowhere in my posts did I say thatall men are that way. However, if a man or woman don't even have one LTR by the age of 30 there is a reason, and it generally isn't a good one. There are those that have a good reason they haven't been in a LTR by 30, but it isn't really worth the effort to sort through all sorts of losers to get that proverbial diamond in the rough. My last date had proven that as she didn't have any relationship experience either, and she turned out to be a loser like me.

[fortyninethousand322]

But on the subject at hand. Anyone who would seriously consider not dating someone solely on the fact that they had never had a serious relationship, is clinically insane. And no I don't mean that as an exaggeration. You're looking at someone and considering them now, as is. Not how they were 5 or 10 years ago.

 

And if that's not enough for you and you want to continue to date whoever it is you've been dating, go ahead. You get what you deserve though.

[Big Blue Box]

That thread is from 2010. Why is it being brought up now? There's been tons of more recent "inexperienced" threads since then.

 

Simple, I was expanding on the points made by Ruby. Perhaps a thread could be made to combine all of the threads dealing with the lack of relationship experience as it is an ongoing problem for some people.

 

But on the subject at hand. Anyone who would seriously consider not dating someone solely on the fact that they had never had a serious relationship, is clinically insane. And no I don't mean that as an exaggeration. You're looking at someone and considering them now, as is. Not how they were 5 or 10 years ago.

 

Not really, there is a reason people lack relationship experience and it always boils down to problems with self. If someone is determined enough he or she will find a way and find the time for dating in hopes of it becoming a relationship.

 

 

And if that's not enough for you and you want to continue to date whoever it is you've been dating, go ahead. You get what you deserve though.

 

Agreed there, which is why those in their 30s+ have little to no relationship experience should be avoided. Is this person going to be creepy by being clingy to the point of stalking? Is this person going to bail out on the relationship at the first sign of trouble? Is this person going to be too demanding or too pushy? There are many other things that would go through someone's mind if his or her dating partner has little or no relationship experience let alone any LTRs. In any case the person will lack all of the skills that are necessary to take the friendship and eventually relationship to a new level. That is why it is not worth the time and effort for those that have the experience. If man or woman does continue to date someone that is inexperienced they are asking for trouble. It may not always be that way, but it is the case 99% of the time.

[fortyninethousand322]

I agree on all points Big Blue Box, inexperienced people are clingy, pushy, etc. I was saying though that those should be the reasons (clingy, pushy, etc.) not to date someone. Not the experience or lack of experience itself.

[Big Blue Box]

I agree on all points Big Blue Box, inexperienced people are clingy, pushy, etc. I was saying though that those should be the reasons (clingy, pushy, etc.) not to date someone. Not the experience or lack of experience itself.

 

Fair enough. However, how can a man or woman know without continuing to date someone who is inexperienced? By the time the problems begin to surface time and money has been wasted with the loser. Even so everyone has every chance in the world to get experienced by the age of 30 so there are no excuses when it comes to relationship experience.

 

No one will give Joe or Jane Sixpack a chance? Find ways to improve, pick up a hobby, lose weight, etc. Keep asking those that are slightly attractive to improve the odds of dating. Improving those odds will eventually improve the odds of a LTR forming.

 

No time for a relationship? If someone wants one bad enough he or she will make time for a relationship.

 

Those that make it beyond 30 without any relationship experience have either made all sorts of excuses as to why they can't date, or they are not relationship material to begin with and they will never be relationship material.

 

This is why it is best to just avoid inexperienced losers and save the time, money, and heartaches attached with dating someone who isn't relationship worthy. However, life is not over if someone goes through life without any relationships at all. There are ways to enjoy life without a significant other.

[Later82012]

Ladies and gentlemen, the fact of the matter is more than half of the world's population is getting married without any dating or relationship experience and they're doing better both in terms of fidelity and divorce rate. You don't need to get depressed over it if you don't have any.

[Jane2011]

I'm dating a guy who's 25 and has little sex and relationship experience. He had sex for the first time when he was 16, but it was only once or twice, and has only kissed two women since then. I had sex with him for the first time two nights ago and am basically teaching him. It is fun. I even helped him put a condom on, etc. He admitted to me that he doesn't know what he's doing (although he was not bad). So, I am a person who's willing to give a person experience. Of course, he's not a virgin, but he may as well be one.

 

He's inexperienced in relationships, as well, but he certainly knows how to keep my interest. He's been generous, made creative date plans, takes the initiative, treats me well, expresses his feelings, etc.

 

It is fun teaching a person about sex. We've only done it once so far, but I have plans to teach him more. There is no rush. I hope we get to the point where he's like so good at it that I want to marry him.

[Jane2011]

I'll be honest. I think any guy who is in his 30s and a virgin should go pay for sex. Hire an escort and get over that hump. Feel what it's like and thus carry on a new man.

 

I've always thought this too. Pay for it.

 

I had this conversation with a couple guy friends recently (they're not virgins; they have sex regularly; somehow this topic just came up). One was appalled that I thought a guy should pay for sex. He was like, "What about STDs?"

 

As if you can't get STDs even when you don't pay for sex?

[somedude81]

I'm dating a guy who's 25 and has little sex and relationship experience. He had sex for the first time when he was 16, but it was only once or twice, and has only kissed two women since then. I had sex with him for the first time two nights ago and am basically teaching him. It is fun. I even helped him put a condom on, etc. He admitted to me that he doesn't know what he's doing (although he was not bad). So, I am a person who's willing to give a person experience. Of course, he's not a virgin, but he may as well be one.

 

He's inexperienced in relationships, as well, but he certainly knows how to keep my interest. He's been generous, made creative date plans, takes the initiative, treats me well, expresses his feelings, etc.

 

It is fun teaching a person about sex. We've only done it once so far, but I have plans to teach him more. There is no rush. I hope we get to the point where he's like so good at it that I want to marry him.

That's exactly what I need.

 

Was his inexperience a factor for you in anything?

[somedude81]

I've always thought this too. Pay for it.

 

I had this conversation with a couple guy friends recently (they're not virgins; they have sex regularly; somehow this topic just came up). One was appalled that I thought a guy should pay for sex. He was like, "What about STDs?"

 

As if you can't get STDs even when you don't pay for sex?

The problem is, that for every one girl that is OK with men paying for sex, five have a problem with it.

[Jane2011]

That's exactly what I need.

 

Was his inexperience a factor for you in anything?

 

He told me on our second date that he hadn't had a girlfriend or sex since he was 16, nine years ago. Initially, it turned me off a little bit. But when I went out with him again, he was so attractive to me on a personal level that I just didn't care and thought I want to have sex with him even if I have to be the aggressor and teach him. I don't think I'd normally be this generous, if you will, except that he has a lot going for him. His intellect level is off-the-charts; he's way more intellectual than I am. He's into philosophy and politics and has the most interesting theories about things. That turns me on a lot. He's also good-looking and has good social skills in terms of not being creepy or overbearing. He is a little socially awkward because of his lack of dating/relationship experience (I have no doubt that I make him nervous sometimes. I sat in a movie theater with him on one of our first few dates and he was stiff as a board at first. Only after about forty-five minutes did he seem to relax at all). But his normalcy outweighs his mild social awkwardness.

 

I guess I would prefer if he were a little more experienced at sex. At the same time, I think it could be/will be something of a bonding experience for us to improve the sex thing together. He was much better than I thought he would be, anyway.

 

The upshot, I think, is that a woman would probably be okay with a guy's inexperience as long as the guy is attractive. So I think it does pay to work on yourself in areas that you have more control over. A woman will still know you're inexperienced and it may not be her ideal, but she'll work with you if you've got things going for you.

 

Plus, sex is often awkward at first even with more experienced people. I think with a guy who is inexperienced, the awkwardness might go on for a few more sex sessions than with an experienced guy (maybe even many more), but it will get better.

Edited September 4, 2012 by Jane2011

[AlexDP]

OP.

 

You have a weight issue. You can change that. You can't magically become experienced. Change what you can change for the better and try again. Don't do this self loathing thing.

[Cuzo]

I can relate, im 38 no kids and im uneducated and it's stressful but I'm more angry and don't give a damn than a guy to have hope the situation would change. Women look for alpha males these days especially black women.

[spooky48]

Hello,

 

I am 38, haven't had any love, romance, even any form of sex or physicality in 8+ years now.

 

This is NOT obviously, by choice b/c everyone needs love....I just believe if it was supposed to have "happened" it would've had by now.

 

I am though, living a life that is busy contrary to what people think. I am active in groups, on 4 dating sites, on a telephone line & active in my church & community.

 

I am trying to improve myself too, w/ my diet, looks, appearance & personality characteristics.

 

Enough about me....I sincerely hope you find what you're waiting for & keep yourself out there & don't listen to what anyone says but, your internal self & personality. Do not give-up unless you feel it's time to do so for YOURSELF.

 

Good luck.

[irc333]

Jane, more women should be like you. :-) You set a great example.

 

 

He told me on our second date that he hadn't had a girlfriend or sex since he was 16, nine years ago. Initially, it turned me off a little bit. But when I went out with him again, he was so attractive to me on a personal level that I just didn't care and thought I want to have sex with him even if I have to be the aggressor and teach him. I don't think I'd normally be this generous, if you will, except that he has a lot going for him. His intellect level is off-the-charts; he's way more intellectual than I am. He's into philosophy and politics and has the most interesting theories about things. That turns me on a lot. He's also good-looking and has good social skills in terms of not being creepy or overbearing. He is a little socially awkward because of his lack of dating/relationship experience (I have no doubt that I make him nervous sometimes. I sat in a movie theater with him on one of our first few dates and he was stiff as a board at first. Only after about forty-five minutes did he seem to relax at all). But his normalcy outweighs his mild social awkwardness.

 

I guess I would prefer if he were a little more experienced at sex. At the same time, I think it could be/will be something of a bonding experience for us to improve the sex thing together. He was much better than I thought he would be, anyway.

 

The upshot, I think, is that a woman would probably be okay with a guy's inexperience as long as the guy is attractive. So I think it does pay to work on yourself in areas that you have more control over. A woman will still know you're inexperienced and it may not be her ideal, but she'll work with you if you've got things going for you.

 

Plus, sex is often awkward at first even with more experienced people. I think with a guy who is inexperienced, the awkwardness might go on for a few more sex sessions than with an experienced guy (maybe even many more), but it will get better.

[irc333]

Not really, there is a reason people lack relationship experience and it always boils down to problems with self.

 

I really cannot wrap my head around what's the WORST possible outcome to dating someone who doesn't have much experience? Seriously.

 

I actually think the more obvious reasons would beneficial though.

 

Benefits:

 

1. Disease free

2. More than likely to be loyal

3. It'll be considered a special moment

4. Those that lack experience, they have to learn sooner or later, and the lover with experience would probably guide the person to the way that person enjoys it, no bad habits to break.

(Just to name a few

 

Negatives:

 

1. Lack of experience, which isn't really that big of a deal.

 

A lot say, "I'm not willing to teach someone", well, actually that says a lot about THEM. It's just pure laziness to not be willing to work with someone's lack of experience.

 

Pretty much the same reason people divorce at the drop of the hat, any inkling of a challenge in the relationship/marriage, they're willing to not even work at it or throw int he towel.