RebeccaWalsh Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, i am currently 6 months pregnant and have been living with him since we actually got together. Ever since i became pregnant he does not have an interest in me sexually, he does not want to pleasure me or even look at me in that way, we have sex about once a week and when we do i feel like a robot completing his needs. We had this problem before and spoke about it and then things returned back to normal, however now its just gone back to what it was. I don't know if its my hormones or that i'm just not happy in our relationship anymore, he never surprises me with anything to try and make me happy, he's never random and treats me to the cinema or anything. He just goes to work comes home and then eats dinner and goes to bed. I am not happy in our relationship and i'm not sure what i should do.
Balzac Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Was this an unplanned pregnancy? Honestly from reading your post it seems you two have a history of sexual incompatabity? That may be my reading but in fact what you meant was only after this pregnancy? You two barely knew each other. Are you together out of necessity due to this child?
Author RebeccaWalsh Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 It was not a planned pregnancy but we both accepted it andgot on with it We rarely had sex that often before pregnancy but he was more caring during intercourse
Author RebeccaWalsh Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I grew up without a father and because I live with him and do not have a high paying job like him I dont want to leave
Balzac Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 So despite being miserable in the relationship you are staying out of perceived financial stability. Got it. What is your goal here to vent? Seek recommendations for how to become happy? Communicate your desires with this man. If you two cannot find common goals, reduce your expectations or develop skills to become financially independent of him. 4
rocketman122 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 im waiting for the person to post the comment "he has someone else" like they always do on these forums. every single problem that arises.."he has someone else" sheesh.. pregnancy can change a lot of things. maybe your weight is an issue. maybe he's not too happy with having a child soon. talk to him and try to find out. what do you do to try and show him affection? what do you do to try and make him happy? it goes both ways. 2
Balzac Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 HaHa great call on the "other love interest"!! So true.
yessy21 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I grew up without a father and because I live with him and do not have a high paying job like him I dont want to leave Rebecca- By the way that this post sounds... its like.... your not IN LOVE with him and he seems to not be IN LOVE with you. Please do yourself and the baby a favor... start saving money. when the baby is around 3 months leave. if you save the right way you will have enough to cover a couple of months of rent and extra costs with no problem. he will pay you child support. If i did it you can do it. At least you have the chance to save. He threw me and my baby out in the street. He didnt care. Not for anything but protecting yourself to not be in this situation was both of your responsobilities... and just because you are financially well doesnt mean that the baby will be in a loving enviorment. the energy you have around them is the energy that they will always feel comftorable in... dont let it be negative.
yessy21 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 No need to be so aggressive AlexCross. The experience that i had with that individual was the same as she is experiencing. Lack of sex... and when it does happen you dont feel connected in any way. OH and i was just letting her know that after a year or so of Not feeling 'Connected'... he connected with someone else and threw me and our child out to the street. i never said he was going to do it to her but just in case... she should save. you can never be too ready for anything. you never know. Child support isnt always just through court but it is preferable. at first i was receiving 425. a month with a verbal agreement. but he didnt pay for 6 months and when he went to court... he had to really pay me 510.00 a month.
rocketman122 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 thats what you suggest? get out and run away? is that how you are in your relationships when things get a little tough? sex is not something you need to feel connected. it strengthens the relationship but it isnt the only thing you need to feel connected. many times in marriages the sex wont be there but its because of things that are happening around. stress from work, moving, or even a new born child. youre talking nonsense. instead of telling her to try and work things out you tell her to expect the worst and run away.. great. your personal experience doesnt mean its the same she's going through. she didnt say there was no sex. things are simply slowing down and IMO not enough communication is happening between them.
Negative Nancy Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) Even though women discuss these things with men as a courtesy ultimately men have no say in the matter when the metal hits the road. Which is probably for the better or else even more children would be aborted, since many men like to pump and dump and not deal with the potential consequences. Some men would probably suggest abortion as an acceptable alternative of "contraception". OP, he probably just doesn't find you "hot" enough anymore with the knowledge of a baby inisde you or even a baby belly. Don't expect any man to be supportive during pregnancy, they all want their fun, but when it comes to dealing with the consequences like a man, they all revert back the pre-thumb-sucking child stage. In fact, with many men you're not going to have one child, but two instead. Edited August 21, 2012 by Negative Nancy
yessy21 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 o.O she needs to get off her lazy arse and go show those kids that in life you have to work hard to reach your goals... not live off of their childsupport money. my condolensces to your friend... he's got a real gem raising his children.
FitChick Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) Even in happy, stable marriages the birth of a child places incredible stress on the couple, often leading to divorce. Children are not dolls nor dogs. Be unselfish and put the baby up for adoption so it has a happy family and you and the father can get on with your lives separately. In 18 years the child will come looking for you and thank you for giving it a wonderful life. If you keep it, it's more likely to resent you and you it because you will be on welfare. Edited August 21, 2012 by FitChick
pink_sugar Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 OP, it sounds like your lack of a father figure has a lot to do with this situation. Don't take this the wrong way, I am not trying to criticize you, but I know from experience and other relatives, that if you do not seek therapy for such issues, you end up repeating the cycle. Such as your baby potentially not having a father figure if you were to leave him or he were to leave you. You started your relationship when you moved in together? How long did you know each other before hand? Your relationship is so new and you've been pregnant for at least half that time, who knows what his reasoning is. That's why it is so important to get to know the person before committing long term. (Moving in together, having children together etc) 2
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