HeartStompedOn Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) I used to be an abuser. Mostly when I was a teenager, but a few times while I was 20. I;m about to be 21 in 2 days. Well, back in November my ex left me because of a huge argument and now that I try to get her back she throws it up in my face. But I am extremely sorry. It's been months but we still acted as though we were together. But during the split, I looked at many ebooks and articles on to better myself and I have been doing good. I haven't put my hands on her since. Still, she doesn't believe me though. I've been with this girl since I was 16. I've known her since I was 15. She's a year and a half older but we were bestfriends and we connected. Like we were truly in love, especially since we talked all the time. We took each others virginity and everything. Well, like I said we've been split for a bit of time but remained close like we were together but 2 months ago after FINALLY getting tired of the games she was playing, I decided to do NC that all the relationship gurus was talking about (BAD IDEA). Saw her for the first time in almost 2 months and she didn't want to see me. So, I asked her straight up do you have someone, she tells me no but she's working on it. Says the guy is awesome and he's just this and that. Says she's waiting for him to ask her out. And saying she hopes they get together. It made me feel like crap. She acted as though she didn't even care about my feelings. Wouldn't even get out the car to give me a hug or kiss and when I would lean in she would lean away. She was even texting someone who was constantly texting her (in my face), answering phone calls (asking people what they're doing tonight and arranging dinners, now that I think about it, I'm sure it was the guy smh). Like she tells me we will never be again. Tells me she will be over to get her stuff but don't want to because she will be in my territory. Sadly, I believe her. I feel as though I lost a really good girl. I grew up seeing abuse and I always said I would never do it but I did like a dumb***. I hate myself right now but I want my baby back. This is our first breakup after a 3 and a half year relationship.. Why won't she give me another try?! I've done everything! I don't want her to be with this guy. Marry this guy or whatever! Lord knows, I am hurting! Please help! She tells me she's happiest she's been in a while. It hurts because aside from my abusive nature, I did everything for her. Was always there when she called and she admitted that's what she loves most about me. I'm extremely embarrassed. Like, never in a million years did I think I'd be an abuser. Thankfully, I changed and still working on it. The thing that made me change the most is when I put myself in her shoes and listened to not only what she had to say but other women when I would look up abuse articles. I begin to cry, literally. I don't know what I was thinking, at all. Edited August 21, 2012 by HeartStompedOn
yessy21 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 in some parts i agree with WHATYOUWANTTOHEAR. but in others i dont. i believe that if you truly love her you will let her go. I was abused. i was 16 and it lasted till i was 17. I will NEVER ever let another man lay his hands on me. either way... i want you to understand that what you did was wrong and trying to change is going to be a work in progress. a day at a time. the one thing that i learned about that was when the argument gets too heated and things start to look aggressive... Leave. go for a walk, because it can get worse. by the time you come back... you will see everything in a less aggressive stage. i have never seen my abuser again.. he still asks around for me. but he knows better now. Everyday i thank my lucky stars and my brother because i would have been dead by now. One time he stomped on my back so hard.. that i was in the hospital for a week not able to walk.
soccerrprp Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 HSO, you need therapy for your violent tendencies. This kind of psyche doesn't just go away w/o help and with the frustrations of life and especially dating, the violence will likely rear its head again. Sorry to say, the best thing is for you to get yourself completely straightened out and not date. You're a danger to the ladies and if not handled right, to yourself with all the rage you clearly have inside you. 1
Author HeartStompedOn Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) I am truly sorry for what I've done. You tell me to live with this pain for a while, my whole life I've been living with pain. I admit I had a problem and fix it and like everyone else you judge me as though I'm a monster. I was a ***** kid that made a mistake. I didn't lay a finger on her until I was about 18, still wrong but it's not like I been hitting her every since we knew each other. And btw, she hit me too. Hell, sometimes she would hit me and I DID walk away. While we were broken up she even hit me in my nose and made me bleed everywhere. It was a mistake but it happened. I gave you an excerpt and that's all you can say when I asked for help. I love this girl. You have no idea the things I've done for her. She was here for college. I drove her home when her parents couldn't come (300 miles to and from). And I did this more than 3 times! I took my fresh off the lot used car and this now. She had a research program in a city miles away. I would come and pick her up EVERY weekend so she wouldn't be alone. I used to rub her feet, give her full body massages. I used to always tell her whatever she was facing would be alright, and it turned out to be. So, before you judge off of ONE problem I had, understand I was a good boyfriend! It's not like I'm 25-30 and just finding out how much of an *** I was. I'm 20 years old! I'm basically STILL a kid. Edited August 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Thank God I've never been in a physically abusive relationship either giving or taking, I'll say this though to the original poster; usually the lack of control that would cause you to hit someone in the first place gets much, much worse unless it is controlled early on. What about if in ten years you are with the woman of your dreams, you have a wonderful life together and then in one moments lack of self-control you do something that ruins everything because it ruins her trust in you? I'm not going to judge you man, everyone hurts someone at some point (sometimes the worst abuse is psychological) but get this dealt with professionally NOW. Don't read up on abuse, read up on controlling your emotions and check out anger management programs. Good luck and I hope you get better.
yessy21 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 There was no respect in your relationship. thats all it is. It will take time to find someone new... i know you love her but its something you have to let go. I know that the day you meet another girl this will never happen... because you will understand that respect makes a relationship...with respect follows trust..that was earned with that respect.
Author HeartStompedOn Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 There was no respect in your relationship. thats all it is. It will take time to find someone new... i know you love her but its something you have to let go. I know that the day you meet another girl this will never happen... because you will understand that respect makes a relationship...with respect follows trust..that was earned with that respect. Yes, I do love her. I was so stupid and immature. I had someone really special. And now, I'm typing and crying like a baby. I text her and she tells me to please lose her number. After all we been thru. She used to be dead broke and I was there for her with what little I had as a teeneager. My life sucks. I have low self esttem now and just feel ugly. Like, she as the love of my life. I tried and tried t get her when she would push me off and she finally talked to me and I messed it up. I'm so hurt man. It's like I was made to fail in life. I was cursed. My first time being in love and this is what I do! I hate myself. I want to just end my life. How can she not care anymore. After all the times we had togther. Everything I put up with smh. I just want to die.
ThatJustHappened Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Leave her alone and go get therapy. You shouldn't be with ANYONE until you get a clean bill of health from a trained psychologist.
yessy21 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 There will be other loves. you need some counseling..so you wont ever do this again.
William Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 As this relatively short thread appears to incite strong emotional response, I'm going to call a Stage Three on it and will be infracting posters for each individual violation. Continue discussing within guidelines.
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