onyxangyll Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 So i've been seeing a guy for the past few months whom i used to be friends with back in high school.. his mom used to be one of my teachers and she really disliked me for reasons that i wont disclose here.. i was just a kid. anyways i've been trying to get her to like me by being polite, buying her nice gifts etc.. but she is still making it really obvious that she doesn't want me around her son. recently we were having a casual convo and out of the blue she said, 'yeah, all of my boys are with girls i dont like'.. seriously she couldnt possibly be more obvious. my bf is awesome..he's trying to get his mom to soften up too, but the thing is, his parents are divorced and he never really had a close relationship with his mom. still, i dont think this can work out if she dislikes me so much. recently my bf and i had planned to go out with his mom to her fav french restaurant but she called it off at the last minute for very ambiguous reasons.. how can i get her to like me?
The Way I Am Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 She's had a bad impression of you for many years, so it's going to be kind of hard change that impression. Without knowing anything about the reason she dislikes you, my advice is limited. The only thing I can suggest is to sit down and talk with her. Explain why her impression of you is wrong. If it was a correct impression at one time but isn't any longer, then tell her you understand why she feels that way but that you're different now. If there are actions you can take to show her you've changed or her impression has always been wrong, then do that. If the reason she dislikes you has to do with getting caught at or reported for any sort of sexual thing, you probably have an icicle's chance in hell of getting her to like you dating her son.
amaysngrace Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I would call her out on her BS. I know it sounds harsh and disrespectful but she's disrespecting you by saying that she doesn't like you. I would flat out ask her "why?" I would also do my best to keep your BF from being stuck in the middle of it. If you get up the nerve to challenge her, make sure she knows that you care about her son. Who knows? She may appreciate your balls and if she doesn't?...well she already doesn't like you... 1
MuscleCarFan Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 This reminds me of my father-in-law who doesn't like me or my B-I-L's fiancee for that matter. Honestly I think he's a douchebag and I could care less. In my opinion, since she doesn't care for you just avoid her as much as possible. No sense in dealing with toxic people.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 You've only been seeing this guy for the past few months...what's the rush in gaining the favor of his mother? do you have issues with being liked by everyone? She's not going to warm up to you right away because of your history, but you should at least lay low and just focus on your relationship, as two months is nothing....you want to waste all you energy in trying to gain the mothers favor then have the relationship falling apart at the end of six months where it doesn't matter anyway? you sound young and I don't see why you're taking this that seriously, It's not like you guys are engaged, you're probably overestimating the seriousness of your relationship at this time unless he's already about to down on bended knee for you and propose. It'll take time for her to like or get to know you...and she may never will, whatever you do you shouldn't be bombarding her with niceties, it's just too obvious and will likely just make her stick her nose up in the air at you because she knows you're trying to gain her approval. I would retain self-respect, holding your tongue on some things and defending yourself on others as to not be walked over...I think it shows her stubbornness and attitude/immaturity however making those kinds of remarks in front of you so you need to be careful whether she is just waiting for you to say something so she can unleash her thoughts and comments on you...so I definitely wouldn't play her game and react just because she's trying to get under your skin. Give it time...bringing mom into this after only a few months is a foolish idea anyway imo, you don't have real relationship foundation for her to even take this seriously anyway. 1
KathyM Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I think you need to learn how to suck up to her. Compliment her on how well she raised her son. Say nice things about your boyfriend to her. Compliment your boyfriend in front of her. And make sure you are respectful to her and friendly to her. If she sees you treat her son well and are respectful to her, she'll likely come around.
The Way I Am Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I agree with amaysngrace and MuscleCarFan that there's no reason to put up with the BS of toxic people who just hate on you for no reason. Except that doesn't seem to be the case here. You know exactly why she doesn't like you. And the fact that you don't want to say makes me think it's something bad enough that her dislike of you justified -- or at least you believe it is. Being able to have a rational, adult discussion with her is a good way to improve her opinion of you from when you were in high school. I don't see any good in putting off dealing with or ignoring the fact that she doesn't like you. If you talk to her now and her tune doesn't change, then it's safe to assume it'll always be that way. Then you can decide if that's something you can handle in your life or not. 1
phineas Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I agree with amaysngrace and MuscleCarFan that there's no reason to put up with the BS of toxic people who just hate on you for no reason. Except that doesn't seem to be the case here. You know exactly why she doesn't like you. And the fact that you don't want to say makes me think it's something bad enough that her dislike of you justified -- or at least you believe it is. Being able to have a rational, adult discussion with her is a good way to improve her opinion of you from when you were in high school. I don't see any good in putting off dealing with or ignoring the fact that she doesn't like you. If you talk to her now and her tune doesn't change, then it's safe to assume it'll always be that way. Then you can decide if that's something you can handle in your life or not. This. I hate to admit this, but if my Mom didn't like 'em, they have always turned out to be a bad seed.
Author onyxangyll Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 You cant bribe someone into changing their emotions and feelings about you. Why cant you disclose what you did as a student that was so bad ? It would help me get a better understanding and hence allow me to give you better advice. oh, well back in high school, i was just beginning to learn how to drive, and so this one time, my driving coach and i were in the school parking lot and i hit my bf's mom's car.. but i wasnt fined or anything because she wasn't supposed to park there anyway, but the damages were pretty bad and i suppose it must have cost a lot to fix it.
Radu Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Probably covered by her insurance. How did you act afterwards ?
Chocolat Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 oh, well back in high school, i was just beginning to learn how to drive, and so this one time, my driving coach and i were in the school parking lot and i hit my bf's mom's car.. but i wasnt fined or anything because she wasn't supposed to park there anyway, but the damages were pretty bad and i suppose it must have cost a lot to fix it. So you damaged someone's property and didn't pay for it? It's not hard to see why she's not a fan....
Chocolat Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 If the mother's insurance covered it, that means her rates went up. The only way this wouldn't happen is if the mother's insurance could recover from onyx's insurance. It doesn't sound like that's the case here.
Chocolat Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Negative, if she was parked it was a no fault accident on her part and her rates did not go up. Since her vehicle was not in motion and it was parked, it is considered a no fault accident on her part. You'd have to know which state this was in (asuming it is in the US) and her policy to know if she had no-fault insurance and what it's restrictions are. Even if you assume she had this coverage, she still had to bear the cost of the deductible plus the inconvenience of the repair. In addition, cars that have been in accidents have lower resale/trade-in values. The bottom line is that if the OP did damage to her bf's mother's property and never made amends -- either financial or emotional (apology) -- then it stands to reason that this woman does not like her.
Chocolat Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Well she didnt say if she made amends or not. Unless i missed it. Im watching my soap operas True. Maybe she will come back and update us.
phineas Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Maybe she just doesn't want her son climbing into the car with you op?
The Way I Am Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 There are a couple reasons I can see why she'd dislike you after that. She doesn't like way you handled it afterward and/or she knows she was wrong to park her car where it wasn't supposed to be but it's easier for her to blame you than to own her mistake. I'd also like to know if you ever apologized or tried to make amends.
Author onyxangyll Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 There are a couple reasons I can see why she'd dislike you after that. She doesn't like way you handled it afterward and/or she knows she was wrong to park her car where it wasn't supposed to be but it's easier for her to blame you than to own her mistake. I'd also like to know if you ever apologized or tried to make amends. i just tried to avoid talking to her about the incident afterwards, because she was clearly very upset at the time and almost threw a tantrum with the officer. a week later, i bought her expensive chocolates b'cuz i was afraid that she would give me a bad grade over the incident.. up till now i thought that she had gotten over it. oh well..
Lalah089 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 A lot of people have problems with their s/o's family. Don't let it get to ya. Some people are just bitter and unforgiving.
CC12 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 anyways i've been trying to get her to like me by being polite, buying her nice gifts etc.. i bought her expensive chocolates b'cuz i was afraid that she would give me a bad grade over the incident.. I'd like to suggest that you stop trying to use gifts as a way solve problems. Gifts might work for some people, but I'd imagine the majority of people would just be like, "Pfft. **** that. She can't buy me." I mean, giving her chocolates after the accident was a nice gesture, but don't try to get people to like you by buying them things. It just seems fake and phony, to me. Anyway, all you can do is always be respectful and polite to her and if she still doesn't like you, then it is what it is. Not everyone has to like you. If she actually does mean and spiteful things to you, that's best left up to your boyfriend to deal with. And there's no rule that says you have to interact with her at all.
Tiera D Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 my mum hated one my ex..because her past..i personally believe everybody deserve a second chance,i say be direct and ask her up whats the problem,talk like your equal level with her,be ready to accept criticisms..parents disapproval tend to give lots strain on relationships,i lost one girl i love to bits due to parents so i hope you wont walk the same path i did. TD
darkmoon Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 "how can i get her to like me?" you sound quite young snap out of it you're a grown woman stop being the little girl who still needs parental approval xx
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