PJKino Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Likely we spend more time talking about women's physical appearance because that's what initially draws us to them the majority of the time. It's not the PC answer, but it's what I see mostly. Guys do tend to take personality into account, but it won't really mean much if the man isn't sexually attracted to her. I can honestly say that we DO talk about girls and their personalities a LOT more than given credit for, but it often doesn't go noticed among the mass amount of talk that gets given about women's physical attractiveness. And to be honest, women talk about our physical attractiveness just as much in my experiences. It's not like that, you guys just see it like that because "it's too hard". I reiterate - making yourself attractive might take work, but it's not impossible. One of the main things is simply to identify your best characteristics, supplement them, and learn things that can make you more attractive i.e words, body language, movement etc. Id rather be me and they can take it or leave it then try to fit the mold of some ideal that was drained into the womens heads by social conditioning and movies..
PJKino Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 To be fair, we analyze our own personalities way more than women do. Nah i never sat around and had discussions about alphas and betas and having confidence with my male friends like women bring up about men.. Though all these labels men are given seems to be an online thing much more then i see in real life
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 My beef is that women want some perfect movie character man that doesnt exist.. SOME women. And some men want the "perfect" stepford centerfold that doesn't exist. That's THEIR problem, not ours. THEY are the ones who are going through life thwarted by superficial and unrealistic desires. I think the OP here is a man; whether they are or not, I don't think they exactly have their finger on the pulse of "what women want." Confidence almost always helps one succeed in all aspects of life. Being withdrawn, awkward, insecure and / or shy makes many things more difficult. That doesn't mean everybody has to go out and enact this OP's definition of "perfect" to get dates. Why have so many seem to have lost track of this simple idea: We all can improve upon ourselves, but at the core of each one of us is who we really are. Are you seriously interested in pretending to be a different person than you really are so you can get dates or have sex? Don't you want to be close to people who see you and care for you because of who you really are? We all can't be Cassanova or some kind of femme fatale … It's okay. 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Well we will agree to disagree on that its obvious your narrow view on men is holding you back.. My narrow views on men hold me back....but what holds you back? Women? Not yourself? My issues are my issues but your issues are because of women? You do see the inconsistancy in that right?
PJKino Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 My narrow views on men hold me back....but what holds you back? Women? Not yourself? My issues are my issues but your issues are because of women? You do see the inconsistancy in that right? I never said i dont have my own issues i realize i get in my own way a lot i simply stated at least on this site mens personality traits are overanalyzed to death..
Cracker Jack Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 The women who expect this so called 24/7 "movie character" confidence are hardly in the majority, anyway. That's a heavy exaggeration. Most women just expect their men to not be soft, which isn't an issue at all. It's fine to be unique, but understand there's a certain way to go about things. Me? I ain't no Stone Cold Steve Austin, but I know you have to be a man and have some backbone when it comes to pursuing and attracting women. Some people would rather armchair QB, generalize and talk about their issues with the opposite sex when they're the ones with deep issues. At the end of the day, women aren't looking for an additional pussy taking the shape of a man--that's what butches are for; and even they can be tougher than some men:laugh: 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Likely we spend more time talking about women's physical appearance because that's what initially draws us to them the majority of the time. It's not the PC answer, but it's what I see mostly. Guys do tend to take personality into account, but it won't really mean much if the man isn't sexually attracted to her. I can honestly say that we DO talk about girls and their personalities a LOT more than given credit for, but it often doesn't go noticed among the mass amount of talk that gets given about women's physical attractiveness. And to be honest, women talk about our physical attractiveness just as much in my experiences. Give me some credit Wholigan, I did say men care about personality. But there appears to be such a focus on women's looks more then anything else. Even over women that are focusing on a man's bank account. A lot of men don't even know what he would need emotionally from a woman to be happy. A lot of guys will put up with crappy treatment from a woman if she is hot enough. I never claimed that women don't talk about physical attractiveness. But women seem to be able to talk about a wider range of qualities then men do. This message board is a very small sliver of that. Post after post about men talking about what they want from women physically, post after post about men posting pictures of women they hunted for online from photoshopped magazines or celebrities or porn and idealizing them. Ask these men if they really know what they really need from a woman, I'm not sure most guys would know. While I don't discount women do this as well, you simply don't see women doing it to the extent men do. And I am always left with the impression that a lot of guys here are very eager to share what they like phyiscally in women..like they are proud of it or something..like it says something about him..I don't know..it's kind of strange to me. But there are always threads that come up where men are very eager to talk about waht they like physically. Other then the fact that it gets a bit old and tiring, it does show us what men ultimately care about. 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I never said i dont have my own issues i realize i get in my own way a lot i simply stated at least on this site mens personality traits are overanalyzed to death.. Then why lecture me on mine and write off my comments because of what you think my issues are? I feel the same way you do though except that's how I feel about once again seeing a nother bane topic about how much guys like t&A and watching the guys pile in eagerly displaying the kind of women they like like little boys showing off new toys. At least personality traits make up who you really are!
ThaWholigan Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Id rather be me and they can take it or leave it then try to fit the mold of some ideal that was drained into the womens heads by social conditioning and movies.. For goodness sake. This is what the other guy said the other day when I said something similar to him........ It's not about trying to fit ANY mold - EXCEPT your own. So you think that making yourself a more attractive person means trying to jump through hoops for women and follow women's ideals? If this is what some of you guys think, then it's precisely why women won't find you (general you) attractive. I don't follow every woman's mold of an attractive man in their heads. I know what is attractive to a subset of women, I analyze my own character, and I find a medium. I know what things I can do to make myself more attractive without sacrificing my true character, and I don't see it as jumping through hoops at all, if it makes me a more attractive man then I'm doing something right. 1
YellowShark Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I tend to agree with PJ. Men are attracted to looks first. Men are visual. It's no secret. A guy has to be sexually attracted to a girl before he makes a move on her. Women tend to have yardsticks that men don't. They include confidence, finances, sense of danger, empathy, etc. Sometimes those yardsticks trump looks for many women. I base this observation in the fact that women do swoon over celebrities and musicians who are frankly quite ugly. If they were plumbers or roofers they wouldn't get a second look. But since they represent money and power their looks become secondary. So many men see this as women dont want just a guy "who is simply confident but caring." Anyhow, the key is to find a good person who treats you right and has a nice balance of everything that fits you. It's hard to do, but it can be done.
ThaWholigan Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Give me some credit Wholigan, I did say men care about personality. But there appears to be such a focus on women's looks more then anything else. Even over women that are focusing on a man's bank account. A lot of men don't even know what he would need emotionally from a woman to be happy. A lot of guys will put up with crappy treatment from a woman if she is hot enough. I never claimed that women don't talk about physical attractiveness. But women seem to be able to talk about a wider range of qualities then men do. This message board is a very small sliver of that. Post after post about men talking about what they want from women physically, post after post about men posting pictures of women they hunted for online from photoshopped magazines or celebrities or porn and idealizing them. Ask these men if they really know what they really need from a woman, I'm not sure most guys would know. While I don't discount women do this as well, you simply don't see women doing it to the extent men do. And I am always left with the impression that a lot of guys here are very eager to share what they like phyiscally in women..like they are proud of it or something..like it says something about him..I don't know..it's kind of strange to me. But there are always threads that come up where men are very eager to talk about waht they like physically. Other then the fact that it gets a bit old and tiring, it does show us what men ultimately care about. It's because we like women's bodies. There's nothing sinister about it, it just is. You could just make a thread if you really think that's the case. "name attractive traits about women that don't include her body". Simples . 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 If you are interested in dating a stupid, damaged or seriously immature person, you need to worry a lot about how their brains are formed by what movies, porn, television shows, video games or whatever are exposing it to. Otherwise, the rest of us learn how to differentiate between media and real life when we reach a certain stage of life. Personally, I think that if you haven't reached that stage yet you aren't ready to have an intimate relationship with anybody.
SteveC80 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Niceness is not a very good trait in a man in terms of attracting women..confidence dominance power are traits women talk about that they are attracted to none of those traits are close to "nice".. Remember women look at men as the authoritian figure the superior so to speak..they want to look up to their man as the leader of the household sort of like they way they looked at their father..no matter what they say they dont want an equal really they want somebody better its wired into them.. Also remember how powerful a womens ego and need to be validated and feel special are so in a way a women would almost prefer a stoic at times emotionally unavalaible guy who isnt overly nice to a lot of people because when hes nice to her it doesnt feel "special" When the jerk or guy with an edge is nice to her of all people it makes her fel validated and special..
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 It's because we like women's bodies. There's nothing sinister about it, it just is. You could just make a thread if you really think that's the case. "name attractive traits about women that don't include her body". Simples . Hey, look! This thread is being steered into that old, familiar and oh-so-tedious territory. Somebody quick, grab the wheel!
PJKino Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Then why lecture me on mine and write off my comments because of what you think my issues are? I feel the same way you do though except that's how I feel about once again seeing a nother bane topic about how much guys like t&A and watching the guys pile in eagerly displaying the kind of women they like like little boys showing off new toys. At least personality traits make up who you really are! I think you seriously overrate how shallow men are and underrate how shallow women can be.. Ive said it numerous times women are just as into looks and as shallow as men are..its the truth reagrdless if you refuse to beleive it
Author StillReigning Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 SOME women. And some men want the "perfect" stepford centerfold that doesn't exist. That's THEIR problem, not ours. THEY are the ones who are going through life thwarted by superficial and unrealistic desires. I think the OP here is a man; whether they are or not, I don't think they exactly have their finger on the pulse of "what women want." Confidence almost always helps one succeed in all aspects of life. Being withdrawn, awkward, insecure and / or shy makes many things more difficult. That doesn't mean everybody has to go out and enact this OP's definition of "perfect" to get dates. Why have so many seem to have lost track of this simple idea: We all can improve upon ourselves, but at the core of each one of us is who we really are. Are you seriously interested in pretending to be a different person than you really are so you can get dates or have sex? Don't you want to be close to people who see you and care for you because of who you really are? We all can't be Cassanova or some kind of femme fatale … It's okay. You don't have to be a cassanova though or pretend to be somebody else. If you just work on yourself to be more confident and comfortable with yourself, your success in the dating game will be higher. This is true for both men and women, but especially men (because women are more forgiving of physical flaws) It's not about pretending to be somebody else, it's about improving who you are. Do you tell a fat guy to just be himself and continue to be fat if he wants to improve and get in better shape? 1
Author StillReigning Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Niceness is not a very good trait in a man in terms of attracting women..confidence dominance power are traits women talk about that they are attracted to none of those traits are close to "nice".. Remember women look at men as the authoritian figure the superior so to speak..they want to look up to their man as the leader of the household sort of like they way they looked at their father..no matter what they say they dont want an equal really they want somebody better its wired into them.. Also remember how powerful a womens ego and need to be validated and feel special are so in a way a women would almost prefer a stoic at times emotionally unavalaible guy who isnt overly nice to a lot of people because when hes nice to her it doesnt feel "special" When the jerk or guy with an edge is nice to her of all people it makes her fel validated and special.. Confidence/dominance is great but you're a fool if you think being nice is not part of the equation as well Women need the safety of the nice guy and the excitement/confidence of the bad boy to be satisfied
ThaWholigan Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Confidence/dominance is great but you're a fool if you think being nice is not part of the equation as well Women need the safety of the nice guy and the excitement/confidence of the bad boy to be satisfied There are the exceptions out there who like the edge and can live without the niceness.
Author StillReigning Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 The women who expect this so called 24/7 "movie character" confidence are hardly in the majority, anyway. Well it depends on who you're going for. A regular girl just wants a guy who is not a pussy but is also not a psychopath An attractive girl with a ton of options? You're not going to have a chance with her unless you are very confident 24/7. She needs to have a reason to pick you over the 50 other guys courting her Personally I think the confident/nice personality in both genders is very sexy. Women can raise their value immensely by being a very pleasant presence 1
carhill Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 The same actions of care and confidence can be perceived differently, depending upon the intrinsic sexual attraction or attractiveness of the person. Again, I'll pick two members of the public realm who are have presented themselves historically to be confident and caring away from their professional lives and both of whom have had successful marriages. A or B? A is Jason Alexander and his wife Daena; B is Clint Eastwood with his co-star Marsha Mason in a candid still on a movie set (Heartbreak Ridge) at a slightly older age. Both caring and confident and successful men. Who gets women more wet? Who do they lust after? Pretty individual stuff, granted, but generalities can be drawn. Simply put, Clint is better looking than Jason, so is more widely attractive. Confident and caring personalities are *not* irrelevant, but rather a given, for the success of long-term relations of most any type, including marriages. Of the two, all else being equal, Clint simply has, and has had, more potentials thrust in front of him due to his appearance. That he married someone 35 years younger than himself speaks volumes to that. That's how life works. 1
Negative Nancy Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Because women tend to care about personality in men. Not saying women don't like physical looks but women appear to have a little more sself awareness about what they need from a man emtionally. Do you see how many threads crop around here about women's bodies? This is all a lot of guys want to talk about. They don't stop to hink about personality. This is exactly what I've been saying all the time as well. Very good points as usual, DY. 2
Negative Nancy Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Guys do tend to take personality into account, but it won't really mean much if the man isn't sexually attracted to her. ....and guys have the nerve to call women "shallow".
Author StillReigning Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 The same actions of care and confidence can be perceived differently, depending upon the intrinsic sexual attraction or attractiveness of the person. Again, I'll pick two members of the public realm who are have presented themselves historically to be confident and caring away from their professional lives and both of whom have had successful marriages. A or B? A is Jason Alexander and his wife Daena; B is Clint Eastwood with his co-star Marsha Mason in a candid still on a movie set (Heartbreak Ridge) at a slightly older age. Both caring and confident and successful men. Who gets women more wet? Who do they lust after? Pretty individual stuff, granted, but generalities can be drawn. Simply put, Clint is better looking than Jason, so is more widely attractive. Confident and caring personalities are *not* irrelevant, but rather a given, for the success of long-term relations of most any type, including marriages. Of the two, all else being equal, Clint simply has, and has had, more potentials thrust in front of him due to his appearance. That he married someone 35 years younger than himself speaks volumes to that. That's how life works. Well, the physical aspect is big here too though. I never said looks don't matter for men. Jason Alexander has a great personality and would be beloved by women if he looked like Channing Tatum. That's just life My point in this thread is more about men going for a woman in his league. Obviously being confident and caring is not guaranteed success for a 5'7 chubby asian dude going for a 5'10 fitness babe
ThaWholigan Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Well it depends on who you're going for. A regular girl just wants a guy who is not a pussy but is also not a psychopath An attractive girl with a ton of options? You're not going to have a chance with her unless you are very confident 24/7. She needs to have a reason to pick you over the 50 other guys courting her Personally I think the confident/nice personality in both genders is very sexy. Women can raise their value immensely by being a very pleasant presence Truth . Although I would also argue that there are a variety of variables out there.
Author StillReigning Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 ....and guys have the nerve to call women "shallow". I can post a whole lot of similar posts like that from women who say they're not interested in a man if he's not at least somewhat attractive to her There are the exceptions out there who like the edge and can live without the niceness. Sure there are but I'm willing to bet even most those women would take the nice/confident guy in a heartbeat
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