youngnlove89 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) "I don't love you that way and I never will" All day those cold words stuck to the back of my mind. How could he say that? Did he really mean it? I know, I know. He did mean it. But that's what hurts. That's what makes my hands shake, those words are what made my heart break. This morning I woke up from a dream about him, I turned over fully expecting him to be laying next to me, and it was almost shocking to find his side empty. But before I could let the ache hit me, I got up and just repeated what he told me last night "I don't love you that way and I never will" Since this morning, I've been repeating it over and over. Every time I think about him, I say it again. I haven't allowed myself to cry. I don't think I could anyways. I'm fueled by anger and disappointment. I wasted my time and my feelings on a lie. I keep looking at my phone expecting to see something from him. I keep coming home to my apartment expecting him to be sitting on the stairs waiting for me. I keep expecting. This is the hope that I don't know how to let go of. It is the "what-if" that I can't rationalize with. I can't accept what is meant to be. I can't picture him not coming back. I can't picture him out of my life. I can't accept that he will never love me back. Maybe because I don't want to. There, I said it: I don't want to accept it. I love someone who doesn't love me. Does that make me a bad person? Did I make it that easy for him to just walk right in and out of my life? I guess basically, I just need words of wisdom. I need to know that my heart will heal. I need to know that not turning back is okay. I need to know that although I love him, sometimes love isn't enough but it will be okay. I need to know that I'm not walking away from something that could be. I just need to know it's okay to let him go now. That I'll be okay. Edited August 21, 2012 by youngnlove89
DuckSoup Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I assume you are in your early 20's. If you bf is around that same age, most likely, it really has nothing to do with you. Until they get near 30, most guys just aren't ready for that kind of a commitment. They are scared of it. Your ex is a human being and human beings make mistakes. He had someone who really loved him and threw that away. Who knows what he thinks is out there that is "better." Maybe in ten or fifteen years he will look back on this and really regret it. At some point in order to have a healthy relationship he will have to really commit. He's just not ready yet and might not be for a few years. Some people never are. You don't really want to tie your life to someone like that, no matter how much you love him. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I assume you are in your early 20's. If you bf is around that same age, most likely, it really has nothing to do with you. Until they get near 30, most guys just aren't ready for that kind of a commitment. They are scared of it. Your ex is a human being and human beings make mistakes. He had someone who really loved him and threw that away. Who knows what he thinks is out there that is "better." Maybe in ten or fifteen years he will look back on this and really regret it. At some point in order to have a healthy relationship he will have to really commit. He's just not ready yet and might not be for a few years. Some people never are. You don't really want to tie your life to someone like that, no matter how much you love him. Thanks. He was 28. I'm 23. He did have commitment issues, he told me this. But I thought that time would change him. I thought that maybe I would be the exception, but indeed, I turned out to be the rule. But that's the thing, I want commitment and he can't give that to me. So in the end, he wasn't what I wanted... Wow...that just hit me.
kindest Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Hmmm ducksoup when me and my ex were together he was 28. I was 29 (a year older than him). I don't think commitment issues are always tied to age (although it could be a big factor) but my ex is just who he is. He was pushing for a commitment with me at first, like you wouldn't believe... And when I gave in and things were getting more serious, he bailed. Anyhow, youngnlove, you are still young, and I'm sure quite a catch... I know you might be tired of hearing this but as soon as you put yourself out there you'll ask yourself why you were so fixated on this one guy who can't even give you what you want. There's always a lesson to be learned in every relationship, no matter how bad the outcome. You may not understand it now, but it will come to you in time. In the meantime, charge this one to 'experience'. 1
Pod81 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Just like you, I was a victim of a commitment-phobic ex and thought that I could have changed her. Alas, she ran away when things got too serious for her. If there's any silver lining to this, take this as a lesson - you cannot be a hero and expect to change someone. Red flags are there for a reason...confront and deal with them rather than just sweep it under a rug. You know what else too? He may not love you that way and never will, but there are others who WILL. The way I think of it is (and you should too) is that the ex's loss will be someone else's gain.
oracle Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Everything Gibson said... plus this: Your happiness should never rest on you being with a person. This is in essense giving your power away and a terrible starting point to be living your life from - because you will always be a prisoner of that situation. You need to be strong and powerful all on your own. This is one of the most attractive qualities you could have for attracting a quality mate. 3
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Thank you Gibson. I realized something this morning: he wasn't what I wanted. I wanted a boyfriend, I wanted to get married one day, I wanted affection. I wanted a lot of things that he couldn't give me. He didn't even want to be my boyfriend. So what makes me want him so bad? Comfort and familiarity. That is all it boils down too. I spent 18 months with this man. I have memories and good times with him. It will take some getting used to with him not being around anymore. I will miss the routine of him being in my life. That is all I miss. The comfort and familiarness of him.
rach24680 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 " I guess basically, I just need words of wisdom. I need to know that my heart will heal. I need to know that not turning back is okay. I need to know that although I love him, sometimes love isn't enough but it will be okay. I need to know that I'm not walking away from something that could be. I just need to know it's okay to let him go now. That I'll be okay. so i guess you went and met up with him... By the sounds of your posts before you went, you was actually healing and now you're back to square one because you got rejected by this major arsehole AGAIN. This is proof for anyone that you need to go NC to get over your ex and let time do it's magic. Read the part i've quoted, you already know all this, you know you'll heal, you know unrequited love isn't worth all the hassle and stress it causes, your angry and angrys good, realise why you're angry and maybe you're love will start to fade and along with it you'll start to feel better
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 "If you are strong and fit from working out on a regular basis, you will feel more confident taking on a physically demanding adventure - such as skiing, horseback riding, or a team sport. That's because you would be more agile, more powerful, and more graceful. The same thing could be said for taking on other kinds of challenges, such as the one you face now. Becoming more confident in this case could involve strengthening your physical condition, but it might also be useful to brush up on certain skills and to learn more about a certain subject. Give it a try to boost your confidence." that was my horoscope for today. so true...basically I need to focus on myself, love myself, take care of ME, and then everything else will fall into place..
Pogona Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 This may sound strange but...I wish my ex had been that honest with me when we broke up. I suspect that things just weren't meshing for her, that even though I thought things were good, she just wasn't that into me. Honestly I would be okay with that, it happens and I can understand it. Instead I get the old "I have emotional problems, it's not you it's me, but hey you're such a FANTASTIC person." She may have thought she was being merciful, and letting me down easy, but all the unanswered questions have so far robbed me of any closure. I'm sure it hurts like hell to hear that from someone you cared about. But at least now you know there is no chance of a future with your ex, and you can look for someone who deserves and returns your love, instead of wondering like hell what might have been.
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 This may sound strange but...I wish my ex had been that honest with me when we broke up. I suspect that things just weren't meshing for her, that even though I thought things were good, she just wasn't that into me. Honestly I would be okay with that, it happens and I can understand it. Instead I get the old "I have emotional problems, it's not you it's me, but hey you're such a FANTASTIC person." She may have thought she was being merciful, and letting me down easy, but all the unanswered questions have so far robbed me of any closure. I'm sure it hurts like hell to hear that from someone you cared about. But at least now you know there is no chance of a future with your ex, and you can look for someone who deserves and returns your love, instead of wondering like hell what might have been. I could see your point of view. Your ex gave you hope. She gave you a little more rope to hold onto just in case she decides to come back. Mine on the other hand, took my heart out, said "watch this", and stopped on it, spit on it and then put it back in my shacking hands only for him to walk away with his heart still intact. And here I am left to try and nurture my heart, try to revive it, try to bring it back to life. And guess what? I still have hope, even though my heart is on a life line. I still have that thought of him realizing what he lost and wanting it back. It's no way to live. Hope is a two faced friend. But if he does come back, I hope it's when another guy beat him to it, picked up my heart, mended it and put it back where it belongs. No matter what kind of break up you go through, you always hope. Because that's the only thing we have left. We lost the most important thing to us, the only natural thing to do is to want it back, even if there is no way in hell. 1
steveblack Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I would rather hear that, than what I heard. "I am madly in love with you, but I need space" eh... At least you got some closure . Move on! 1
beyond Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I could see your point of view. Your ex gave you hope. She gave you a little more rope to hold onto just in case she decides to come back. Mine on the other hand, took my heart out, said "watch this", and stopped on it, spit on it and then put it back in my shacking hands only for him to walk away with his heart still intact. And here I am left to try and nurture my heart, try to revive it, try to bring it back to life. And guess what? I still have hope, even though my heart is on a life line. I still have that thought of him realizing what he lost and wanting it back. It's no way to live. Hope is a two faced friend. But if he does come back, I hope it's when another guy beat him to it, picked up my heart, mended it and put it back where it belongs. No matter what kind of break up you go through, you always hope. Because that's the only thing we have left. We lost the most important thing to us, the only natural thing to do is to want it back, even if there is no way in hell. Even better, why not pick it up yourself and mend it. Don't rely on another guy coming along to do that. Get strong within yourself and realise you deserve better, love YOURSELF. Then, when other guys come along, you will be a strong person who knows exactly what you will and wont put up with. I could say more, but it's all be said, much better than I could in post 6 on this thread. Read that post. Take a deep breath, then read it again. Go away, have a cup of tea, then read it again! 1
lingardx Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) i just commented on another thread of yours haha! when an ex FIANCE of mine from 2010 broke up with me it was simply that. he said "it's over, my mum will help you get your stuff back to your house" and still to this day the thing that hurts is i don't have any answers as to why he done it, as to why he just gave it all up. i would like answers but it's a can of worms i don't want to go opening. you've got your answer, you've got why he wants to move on and now it's time for you to do so. as much as you're sick of hearing it you need to make time for YOU you need to rely on yourself to mend your heart not a guy. you're the one in control of your happiness, don't less this guy hold you back anymore you posted on someone else's thread "what is done, is done. Now you have your answer, she isn't interested. Of course it hurts, but now this is your closure. This is what you needed to move forward. Put it behind you now " heed your own advice op, as much as it hurts what you said to the other person goes for you too Edited August 22, 2012 by lingardx
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 i just commented on another thread of yours haha! when an ex FIANCE of mine from 2010 broke up with me it was simply that. he said "it's over, my mum will help you get your stuff back to your house" and still to this day the thing that hurts is i don't have any answers as to why he done it, as to why he just gave it all up. i would like answers but it's a can of worms i don't want to go opening. you've got your answer, you've got why he wants to move on and now it's time for you to do so. as much as you're sick of hearing it you need to make time for YOU you need to rely on yourself to mend your heart not a guy. you're the one in control of your happiness, don't less this guy hold you back anymore you posted on someone else's thread "what is done, is done. Now you have your answer, she isn't interested. Of course it hurts, but now this is your closure. This is what you needed to move forward. Put it behind you now " heed your own advice op, as much as it hurts what you said to the other person goes for you too I know, it's so much easier to give advice then to take it. I could write a book about what you should do when you breakup. But would I take my own advice? psh, no because I'm foolishly blinded by love. My thoughts are clouded by what I think is right. I feel like I'm the exception, rather than the rule. I'm writing in my journal everyday so when I get through this breakup, I can look back and try to understand what was going on. So when I get in the next heartbreak I will know how to properly handle them. I'm 23 and a lot of my friends are older than me, way older, and they all say the more heartbreaks you go through the more easier it is to shut off those feelings and move on. And in a way it's true. I remember there were 2 other heartbreaks before this one and I did NOT handle them well at ALL! I was a little psycho and needy but I was immature. This heartbreak, I have kept my distance and haven't begged or show any immaturity. I've learned my lesson. I also have handled this heartbreak with a little more dignity. I don't cry or mope around. I write it out and then I feel better. But what I'm crossing my fingers for is that I don't go through another heartbreak ever again!
Recommended Posts