Olzman Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I am a newbie and this will be my first post so I'll explain the whole situation. My girlfriend actually fiancée of 4 years went to work abroad for the summer and I was always going to go out there and see her and work aswell. She was out there a month before I got the funds together to go see her I arranged the dates and everything. I was so excited to see her it was unreal I had 1000 butterflies in my stomach but when I saw her something didn't seem right nor was the cuddle or kiss, later on that day she drops this bomb shell that she doesn't want to be with me she wants to do her own thing and tells me she's flying to another country with girls she met working abroad so at this stage were not together.we had the most amazing week together we share a bed had sex a few times and then she flies with her girls to another country. Then I find out that actually the girls she met abroad had a few male friends fly over and see them for 2 weeks and My fiancée had got really close to one of the lads. Now my ex has moved to a different coutry meant to be living with the girls she's met but she isnt she's staying with the lad she met abroad and is now going out with him bearig in mind she wanted to do her own thing and has just come out a four year relationship 2 weeks ago. She sometimes says I love you, and she hasn't moved on she's moving on an all this. It's really messing with my head and I don't know what to do, do I go n/c and just get on with my life like she has or do I stay in contact dreaming about maybe her realising she has made the wrong decisions I constantly check Facebook to see if she messages me or something It Rediculos it's taking over my life any help or advice would be amazing.. Than you Ollie .
burningashes Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Wow, that's got to hurt! She LET you fly all the way over there knowing she was going to dump you... that's cold. Yes, don't contact her, she made that bed for her so let her! I would suggest cutting her off, she can make her own "decisions" when she's alone. I would also suspect cheating, I would also bet that she started shacking up with this lad before breaking the news to you. Sorry 2
Balzac Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Welcome to LS Ollie, lots of knowledgeable, helpful people here. Post away and vent to your own best interest. Stop checking FB for starters. Be grateful that your extended engagement had not become a marriage. It sounds as if you are both recently out of the education process and into new career jobs? Your situation sounds as if you were blind sighted. How shocking and painful. Why are you doubting what her intentions are? She has spoken to you in deceptive ways, why are you wondering what she's now doing? It's not with you, it's not about you. Work on feeling your emotions about this loss if a live and dreams for a future. Spend less energy on why. I'm sorry you're miserable and searching, it's an awful outcome but you dodged a bullet. 1
Jennifer2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Omg! This is so awful. I'd be so hurt if that happened to me. 4 years is a long time AND you guys were engaged. What is she thinking!? Personally, I'd really step back from things and try to take some time to just heal. This person has like no regard for your feelings. It's actually good that you discovered this before the wedding though! Hang in there :-)
Author Olzman Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Burningashes; yes she made me fly out ther and the excuse for not telling me anything over the phone was because she would have rather done it face to face, I don't know if she cheated but I wouldn't put it past her now after what she has done! Balzac; Thankyou for the warm welcome to you and everybody. Yes I really do need to stop checking Facebook that thing is evil, also we have been out of education 3-4 years now and we were working she worked in a night club I work for the same nightclub aswell as another job. I'm not really doubting her intentions Just she putting the doubts into my head as such, she most defiantly was very deceptive. I wonder what she's doing because I still care about her I know nothing is with me anymore so I understand I need to let go of everything but it's hard when you have unanswered questions. Jennifer2012; it did really hurt when you can be that excited for so long for it to crash in a matter of hours of getting off the plane. I'm glad it happens now and now a few more years down the line. The whole Facebook thing do I delete her off there so she isn't my friend or do I just ignore her ? I want/need to know more answers but then isn't the n/c golden for this sort of thing as I dont to cause problems between her and her new partner, she also said she would ring me in a few days which I highly doubt she will do! Why do you guys think she has done this just missed the attention as i wasn't there for a good 6 weeks ? Thankyou everybody for your replies i really appreciate it
Balzac Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Your mission and need to seek reasons is folly. That is where I recommend putting your focus immediately. You likely cannot determine "why". Firstly due to her deception and more importantly, it's not possible to make sense nor understand crazy. Many adults make poor decisions. More importantly, given opportunity to begin making good decisions, they persist in doing the same. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Try as best you can to accept this. Feel your feelings, embrace your losses and know that misery will pass. I know it's tough. Focus on being the best man you can be. Understand your own actions and contributions to this loss of love and dreams for a future. Move on. 1
Author Olzman Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Your mission and need to seek reasons is folly. That is where I recommend putting your focus immediately. You likely cannot determine "why". Firstly due to her deception and more importantly, it's not possible to make sense nor understand crazy. Many adults make poor decisions. More importantly, given opportunity to begin making good decisions, they persist in doing the same. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Try as best you can to accept this. Feel your feelings, embrace your losses and know that misery will pass. I know it's tough. Focus on being the best man you can be. Understand your own actions and contributions to this loss of love and dreams for a future. Move on. Thank you I have never had anybody say it to me like that before and that's what I needed ! Should I delete her off Facebook so I cant look anymore which would make it easier on myself ? Thank you again
Englishmanabroad Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Thank you I have never had anybody say it to me like that before and that's what I needed ! Should I delete her off Facebook so I cant look anymore which would make it easier on myself ? Thank you again Hi there mate, what a horrid situation, my feelings are with you, she's treated you really rough. Personally I recommend deleting her from FB though I know it's bloody hard, I've not yet been able to delete my ex (who went straight back to her ex 2 weeks ago after 7 months living abroad with me, one day was my loving and affectionate GF and I was going to move to Europe to join her, the next she flew home and moved straight back in with him though she'd lied and said she was moving back to a friend's, she now wants to keep contact and I know it's unnecessary torture for me). If you can't get yourself to delete her at least stay off FB chat and get her updates blocked. A girl that does this to you really isn't worth your time and effort, just as she abused your trust she'll probably do the same to this guy, but it shouldn't be your problem. You need to hang out as much as possible with good friends, work on yourself, keep as busy as you can, and try and get out and meet other girls, there are loads of chicas out there who're far more worthy of your attention. Any contact with her will just be more pain that you don't need and stop you moving on and putting this nightmare behind you, you're better off with her out of your life. In the meantime good luck with everything, stay strong and hold your head high!
I'm nuts Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 went to work abroad for the summer. Oh dear, the alarms bells should have been ringing with just those words, I live in a hot country and I know what 'working abroad for the summer' nudge nudge really means:o The writing was on already on the wall.
Author Olzman Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Hi there mate, what a horrid situation, my feelings are with you, she's treated you really rough. Personally I recommend deleting her from FB though I know it's bloody hard, I've not yet been able to delete my ex (who went straight back to her ex 2 weeks ago after 7 months living abroad with me, one day was my loving and affectionate GF and I was going to move to Europe to join her, the next she flew home and moved straight back in with him though she'd lied and said she was moving back to a friend's, she now wants to keep contact and I know it's unnecessary torture for me). If you can't get yourself to delete her at least stay off FB chat and get her updates blocked. A girl that does this to you really isn't worth your time and effort, just as she abused your trust she'll probably do the same to this guy, but it shouldn't be your problem. You need to hang out as much as possible with good friends, work on yourself, keep as busy as you can, and try and get out and meet other girls, there are loads of chicas out there who're far more worthy of your attention. Any contact with her will just be more pain that you don't need and stop you moving on and putting this nightmare behind you, you're better off with her out of your life. In the meantime good luck with everything, stay strong and hold your head high! I'm sorry for you aswell and thank you for the advice it is hard as she wants to stay friends but it will be easier if I have no contact at all, I know she isn't worth my time anymore. I will keep my head high move on and try very hard not to look back ! Thank you everybody that has helped me. Today I feel I have moved on a step all because of you guys !
I'm nuts Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 The whole Facebook thing do I delete her off there so she isn't my friend or do I just ignore her ? I want/need to know more answers but then isn't the n/c golden for this sort of thing as I dont to cause problems between her and her new partner, she also said she would ring me in a few days which I highly doubt she will do! Why do you guys think she has done this just missed the attention as i wasn't there for a good 6 weeks ? Facebook really is a joke Just look now at it's value on the market 6 weeks in nothing my friend, nada, she already had it all planed.
Crila16 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Wow. What a biatch. I can't believe she let you fly all the way over there, only to end it with you. When I first started reading your story, I already knew there was another man. When people go from hot to super cold in a very short period of time, that's usually the reason. You're both young. She needs to explore other options maybe. Sometimes people come into your life that you just don't expect. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but the only thing you can do is cut her off completely. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life...and if it doesn't work out with this other guy, your the first person she's going to come running back to. Take heart. This girl WILL miss you, especially if you cut off all contact. She's going to realize she made a huge mistake. It may be...or is hopefully too late when that time comes.
Author Olzman Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Wow. What a biatch. I can't believe she let you fly all the way over there, only to end it with you. When I first started reading your story, I already knew there was another man. When people go from hot to super cold in a very short period of time, that's usually the reason. You're both young. She needs to explore other options maybe. Sometimes people come into your life that you just don't expect. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but the only thing you can do is cut her off completely. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life...and if it doesn't work out with this other guy, your the first person she's going to come running back to. Take heart. This girl WILL miss you, especially if you cut off all contact. She's going to realize she made a huge mistake. It may be...or is hopefully too late when that time comes. Yes I know I knew as soon as I got out there and found out some lads where there it was another fella that had caused this, I have deleted all ways of contacting her now so that should stop the temptation, but I have just been told by a friend she is comming back to our home town with her new boyfriend. I want her to miss me and realise that I treated her so well never done a bad thing wrong, I hope it is to late when she realises all of that. Thanks for the help guys and advice !
Author Olzman Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Oh dear, the alarms bells should have been ringing with just those words, I live in a hot country and I know what 'working abroad for the summer' nudge nudge really means:o The writing was on already on the wall. Haha yea the signs were all there really just really love blind I guess !!
cincinnatikid Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 wish this broad the best, drop her like a bad habit, and keep moving. if this is what she wants then let her have it. she's a grown woman and is allowed to make her own decisions. no reason in making your own and doing your own thing as well. only time tells with anything, regardless of the outcome. don't be the typical piker and sit around and pine. it's not good for you at all and does you no good. remember, you ALWAYS come first. take care of yourself and only yourself. don't worry about anything else but that right now. the rest will take one day at a time.
Crila16 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Well...the brightest flame burns the quickest. She just met this guy, barely knows him, dumps a 4 year...and she thinks it will work? Good luck to her.
Author Olzman Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Well...the brightest flame burns the quickest. She just met this guy, barely knows him, dumps a 4 year...and she thinks it will work? Good luck to her. Yea I know it's comical really I don't see nagatives anymore only the positive and now the possibilitys that have opened up to me! Will still be hard as I know she's comming to my/our home town with her new boyfriend and I will proberly bump into her when she is here ! Thank you everybody !
Crila16 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Best thing is...try to avoid the situation. Try to avoid seeing them. It's not going to help you, it will only upset and aggravate you. It's not worth it. It's a joke. Also, coming from a girl who has dated many many many Europeans...it's a completely different world. It's great in the beginning. I'm not saying it can't work out...I'm just saying, it's different. For me, dating American is much easier.
Olly23 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Hi mate I'm called too also and have just split with my 4 year ex. If it was a game of top trumps you win mate, she sounds like a proper c*#t!, I only registered to reply to this. Dont call her, don't hope for anything, your the most important person in your life not her,you've dodged a bullet. Reconnect with family and friend and move on. Im dealing with my **** by joining the gym and in may 18 I'm entering the toughest mudder, down your way actually. You have all the time to do what the f#*k you want buddy. Chin up!!
Author Olzman Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Hi mate I'm called too also and have just split with my 4 year ex. If it was a game of top trumps you win mate, she sounds like a proper c*#t!, I only registered to reply to this. Dont call her, don't hope for anything, your the most important person in your life not her,you've dodged a bullet. Reconnect with family and friend and move on. Im dealing with my **** by joining the gym and in may 18 I'm entering the toughest mudder, down your way actually. You have all the time to do what the f#*k you want buddy. Chin up!! Yea man I'm joining the gym to sort myself out she is filth in all honesty, yea I know I've dodged a bullet however hard it is ATM it will only get easier with time and time heals all !! I'm sorry about your loss and everybodys eles that replying to this ! I'm going to do what I want without feeling any remorse or guilt as I have nothing to feel guilty about I've already started building bridges with my friends !
Author Olzman Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Well the ex tried contacting me asking me to ring her for a chat and also ask why I deleted her off Facebook neither did I reply, but the one thing that Hurt was a picture I took whilst we was away and she was in bed sleeping ! Somebody put " where's pa " ( her new boyfriend ) she replied " he's under the covers " which f**ked me off !! When she blantently new it was when we was away !!
Dblock10 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Best thing is...try to avoid the situation. Try to avoid seeing them. It's not going to help you, it will only upset and aggravate you. It's not worth it. It's a joke. Also, coming from a girl who has dated many many many Europeans...it's a completely different world. It's great in the beginning. I'm not saying it can't work out...I'm just saying, it's different. For me, dating American is much easier. explain? so your english and dating american is easier? and op, wtf. what a bitch, for real have nothing to do with her. i dont know how you can hear this sort of ****. that would make me feel terrible
Author Olzman Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 explain? so your english and dating american is easier? and op, wtf. what a bitch, for real have nothing to do with her. i dont know how you can hear this sort of ****. that would make me feel terrible Yea I did a little bit but It made me angry at first then I found it funny that shes saying that but knowing the person behind the camera was me ! So it quite funny in a sense, I do oviously miss her, more the female company and just laying in bed chatting hours on end. Im still sticking to N/C and it's making it easier as I'm not waiting for a reply and what makes it even easier she's waiting for me to reply to her which isn't going to happen.
Author Olzman Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 I want/feel the need to write here because I don't want to contact the ex I know she's treated me really bad but I can't help make excuses and protect her from what she has done its madness it's almost been a month now maybe longer I'm not to sure I'm not counting the days or anything I just want to know if there is any relevant time scale I will stop think about the b**ch. Im 20 years old and have my whole life ahead of me but I'm thinking about one girl all the time I chat to other girls all the time but I just pick up on the flaws of them rather than the positives and if I do find a girl I like she's got a boyfriend or something similar any advice guys/girls would be nice. It's almost like my life has gone on self destruct mode !
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