Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Broke up a little over a month ago. Ex bf has moved on and gotten a new gf. People tell me to go out and find someone new, but I don't feel like I am in the right state if mind yet. I just wanted to know how long it has taken others to get back into dating following a break up?
Hornachero Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 It takes time! But you don't have to feel bad about it, you will be ready when you will be ready! And you'll know it when the time is right! Hang in there
ScienceGal Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I waited a couple months and forced myself to date, but it felt empty. I literally didn't care if things went sour or not. In a way, it was nice to get out and meet people and have zero anxiety, but... it was no way to find anything good or lasting because I was a shell of a person. Try to not think about him being with someone, since that has zero use to you. I would give yourself at least a couple more months before even considering dating.
Author Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I waited a couple months and forced myself to date, but it felt empty. I literally didn't care if things went sour or not. In a way, it was nice to get out and meet people and have zero anxiety, but... it was no way to find anything good or lasting because I was a shell of a person. Try to not think about him being with someone, since that has zero use to you. I would give yourself at least a couple more months before even considering dating. Thats what I don't want to happen. I don't want to force myself to date. I don't want to find someone else to make these feelings go away, because its really not fair to the other person.
ScienceGal Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Thats what I don't want to happen. I don't want to force myself to date. I don't want to find someone else to make these feelings go away, because its really not fair to the other person. It's not fair to yourself either. Find other things to fill your time with. Exercising, reading, movies, outdoor activities, anything artistic (e.g. writing, drawing, painting, photography). Join a group to do any of of these things or consider volunteering, even a little. The best thing is to 1) stay busy and allow time to heal, then 2) get out there and make new connections (platonic ones). One day you will be ready
Author Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 It's not fair to yourself either. Find other things to fill your time with. Exercising, reading, movies, outdoor activities, anything artistic (e.g. writing, drawing, painting, photography). Join a group to do any of of these things or consider volunteering, even a little. The best thing is to 1) stay busy and allow time to heal, then 2) get out there and make new connections (platonic ones). One day you will be ready Oh yeah I have been doing that. I've been keeping very busy. Even got closer to my brother. Thats one good thing that came out of all of this Plus, I start college again in a week. I'm ready to make new friends and to reunite with old ones.
ScienceGal Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Oh yeah I have been doing that. I've been keeping very busy. Even got closer to my brother. Thats one good thing that came out of all of this Plus, I start college again in a week. I'm ready to make new friends and to reunite with old ones. Awesome. There will be times when you'll get sad or depressed, but it's much better to have other things going on. I used to hate nights because I'd feel alone, but then I'd be happy in the morning because I would have things planned and I appreciated that it was a new day. You sound like you're going to be just fine
Author Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Awesome. There will be times when you'll get sad or depressed, but it's much better to have other things going on. I used to hate nights because I'd feel alone, but then I'd be happy in the morning because I would have things planned and I appreciated that it was a new day. You sound like you're going to be just fine Yeah I'm doing a lot better than I expected. I just hate how sometimes I'll feel really good, then all of a sudden feel really down. I feel good more often than feeling bad, so I guess thats a good sign. I usually wake up feeling sad and depressed, and nights are good for me. I have no problems sleeping really.
DuckSoup Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Don't you have some girlfriends you can go out and just party with?
Author Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Don't you have some girlfriends you can go out and just party with? yes.......
kindest Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) I'm having the same dilemma and it has been 6 months since I last went on a date! (the last date was with my ex) Everybody has been telling me to go out and meet people but like you I'm not in the right state of mind just yet. I do miss having a boyfriend but I know that missing being in a relationship is not reason enough to be in one. I feel some sort of pressure, just turning 30 and all but I don't want to for myself to jump in before I'm ready. We'll get there. Patience is a virtue. My ex on the other hand has been running around chasing all types of women like he'a going to run out of them. Honestly, and I know I might sound a little bitter, but I think what he's doing is kinda pathetic. Edited August 21, 2012 by kindest
Pod81 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 A little bit about my situation: relationship for 15 months, broken up about 3.5 months ago, NC for a little more than 2 months. I've started dating 2 girls within the last week and I feel like one of the fortunate few to get over my ex that quickly. If you had asked me that 3 months ago, I would have never believed it either. It feels great to be interested in others again and have that interest reciprocated, but like the others have said....you'll know when you are ready. You'll feel that "mojo" you had before and truly KNOW in your heart that you deserve better than your ex. Going out with the buddies, meeting new friends, introducing yourself to hobbies both new and old have really helped both with my confidence and getting over my ex. Yes, there has to be a time to grieve, but after a reasonable amount of time (I'd say no more than 3 or 4 months), you just think to yourself that you CANNOT let your ex dictate your happiness in the future. I refuse to let her hold that power - instead, I dig down and find happiness within myself!
Author Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 I'm having the same dilemma and it has been 6 months since I last went on a date! (the last date was with my ex) Everybody has been telling me to go out and meet people but like you I'm not in the right state of mind just yet. I do miss having a boyfriend but I know that missing being in a relationship is not reason enough to be in one. I feel some sort of pressure, just turning 30 and all but I don't want to for myself to jump in before I'm ready. We'll get there. Patience is a virtue. My ex on the other hand has been running around chasing all types of women like he'a going to run out of them. Honestly, and I know I might sound a little bitter, but I think what he's doing is kinda pathetic. Love is patient, Love is kind. I keep telling myself that. You don't sound bitter at all and I think it is pathetic as well. It doesn't mean we aren't able to find someone else, we are just being smart about it.
Author Car10e Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 A little bit about my situation: relationship for 15 months, broken up about 3.5 months ago, NC for a little more than 2 months. I've started dating 2 girls within the last week and I feel like one of the fortunate few to get over my ex that quickly. If you had asked me that 3 months ago, I would have never believed it either. It feels great to be interested in others again and have that interest reciprocated, but like the others have said....you'll know when you are ready. You'll feel that "mojo" you had before and truly KNOW in your heart that you deserve better than your ex. Going out with the buddies, meeting new friends, introducing yourself to hobbies both new and old have really helped both with my confidence and getting over my ex. Yes, there has to be a time to grieve, but after a reasonable amount of time (I'd say no more than 3 or 4 months), you just think to yourself that you CANNOT let your ex dictate your happiness in the future. I refuse to let her hold that power - instead, I dig down and find happiness within myself! Thanks for your response! I was in a relationship for 4 1/2 years with my ex bf, and he was my first everything. I don't really have experience dating, considering he's the only one I've been on a date with and he approached me. I was just thinking to myself earlier today I can't wait for school to start next week so I can meet new people.
jdids247 Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 It's one of those things that takes time. It's been almost 7 months out of a 6 year relationship with a 1 year engagement for me and I found out a couple months ago I'm not ready to see anyone else and no one deserves what I can give them at the moment. I still have too many feelings for my ex and the hurt and broken self esteem are still there. I always ask myself why I'm in a rush anyway to find someone new, so I'm spoiling myself lately!
sandflea Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 Just takes time. I made the mistake of jumping in too early before - and what a mess I made!!! (Real Estate!). Take it a day at a time, and don't try to force things. And, yes, spoil yourself relentlessly!!!!
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