SpiralOut Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I don't tell very many people about this. My ex had paranoid schitzophrenia. He was high functioning. As in, I didn't realize anything was wrong until we'd been together a couple of months and he told me about his condition. I thought it would be shallow of me to stop seeing him just because of that so we stayed together. We lasted two years. The first year living apart, the second year living together. That second year was hell. I am having trouble getting over it, even though it has been about 1.5 years since we broke up. For about the first 6 months I could hardly speak about it at all. Before we broke up, we saw a couples counsellor and she basically spent the sessions explaining to him that he treats me with disrespect and he needs to listen to me and treat me with more respect. He said he understood and that he would change but he didn't. I was very angry for a long time. Also guilty because I know that it's not completely his fault. After we broke up, I found out from a family member (who saw some of his pill bottles) that some of his medication affects cognitive functioning. Which makes sense. I mean, sometimes he would be so clear and I could just tell that he got me. Then a few days later we would have the same argument and suddenly he didn't understand. It was so frustrating. Communication was impossible. I've been dealing with it by just not thinking about him, just trying to move on with my life. Lately the good memories are finally starting to come back. It's hard. I just hate so much that I acted the way I did towards him. And no matter how much of a dick he can be, of course people will be on his side because he can't help it, he's got an illness! It doesn't seem fair. He's not a bad guy, I don't think. Just very selfish and not capable of having an adult relationship. It also makes me question if something might have been wrong with me to go out with him at all. All the other girls he dated dumped him after finding out about his illness, but I didn't. Does that mean they were smarter than me, had more self-respect than me? It feels like the whole relationship was some sort of joke. By the end of it I saw him as more of a child I had to look after than a man. The way he treated me made me feel embarassed to be with him. Even his family made comments to him about the way he treated me. I wanted so badly to leave that second year but living together made me feel trapped.
Author SpiralOut Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Thanks, Mina. I'd like to hear whatever you want to tell me.
Pompom Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 You did nothing wrong by following your heart in and out of the relationship. You can't choose who to have feelings for and if it weren't for the hope that things will work out, nobody would find happiness in any relationship, ever. I had a wild and possibly mutual crush on someone once who first only told me about his obvious OCD. Then he also confessed that indeed, he is paranoid... Leaving me slandered for wrongdoings I hadn't even planned yet... And then the full-blown sociopath revealed himself. Totally okay to hit me I guess, since I yelled at him first... That was the abrupt end of all feelings I ever had for him. I just hope he never breeds.
CopingGal Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I dated someone with sociopathic tendencies and traits of narcissitic personality disorder. After all the lies and manipulations were revealed, it was just horrible....just horrible. He treated so badly. I've been picking up the pieces of my life for over a year now. My ex treated me terribly and I'm so glad I kicked him out of my life. He ripped my heart to pieces and thought nothing of it. He thought it was necessary to use me and manipulate me and he took pleasure in throwing the woman he cheated on me with in my face. TOTAL NC was the only way to end the pain. But know this, there are schizophrenic people who are surgeons and lawyers. Some are very high functioning. I commend you for following your heart.
Author SpiralOut Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) Thank you . . . I think it's just hard because so many people are quick to judge those with mental illness. I worry that I will be judged by association. I have kept this a secret from most people. And there are things that I never told my friends who do know. It's just something they can't understand. I think more than anything I resent being put into the position of a mother figure with him. I never felt like I had an equal partner, a teammate. I hate that. He had no understanding whatsoever for me. I mean, coming home from a 16 hour day of school + working, and there is nothing to eat. He wouldrather eat a bowl of cereal than make dinner. I ask if he wants to help me eat dinner. He says no, he's not hungry. So I wash the dishes he was supposed to have cleaned (he had the day off) so I can make dinner. When it's done he wants to eat some. By this point it is midnight, by the way, and I need to wake up at 7am the next day again. Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. That's the attitude he had towards me. It made me feel so worn down. And he didn't understand at all when I tried to explain how I felt. He only paid attention to me when I became too sad to even talk and I just wanted to be left alone. Then suddenly he wanted to know what was wrong and when I told him to please leave me alone, he wouldn't respect me enough to leave. Edited August 22, 2012 by SpiralOut
Recommended Posts