first heart break

[heartbroken26]

I'll try to keep this short and simple. I am 26 years old and I dated my BF since high school at 16. We dated for 10 years. We met in HS and we fell instantly in love. He was my first love and I was his. After our high school graduation we went thru college together and we were inseparable. I was with him all day long and did everything with him. We took all the same classes in college. We got so close to each other that we abandoned both our family and friends. Over the years we got comfortable and things were sometimes rocky, however we managed to overcome our problems. He was a nice guy and I took him for granted. He loved me so much and I never appreciated him. I started focusing more on school and pushed him away. I never thought that he would leave or cheat.

 

For the past year he started living a double life (around sept. 2011). He made new friends and went out to clubs, bars & lounges on Thursday-Sunday nights. I knew nothing about this and never thought he would betray me. I was busy in my last clinical rotation at the hospital, so I didn't notice. He met another girl and started distancing himself from me. I noticed this year, but I trusted him and didn't think anything of it. In January I caught him going out behind my back and we talked about it and I forgave him. I told him to not lie to me again. He continued to party behind my back again and I knew nothing about it because I trusted him. I caught him again in March and I broke it off with him and he just let me go. Then the next day we made up. He promised me he won't do it again and that he wasn't cheating. I believed him.

 

In April, I found out a girl was involved and he just left me just like that. I cried and begged for him back like a crazy person, but he says he just wanted to be single and party. I lost sleep, weight and was so depressed without him. He keeps saying he will come back to me after he is done partying. He still continues to see this new girl and he takes her out every night. I have never met any of his NEW friends and they all have met her. I was just tired of chasing him for 4 months, so just recently I initiated the NC (2 weeks ago) hoping that he would come back to me. He didn't call or tried at all. Our suppose to be 11 year anniversary is coming up next month, so I am waiting until then to see if he will contact me. When we last spoke he told me that he was happier without me and that he has moved on and he thinks that I should too. Then he says I might come back- and that he doesn't know. Its just so confusing and I really don't know what he wants. So I decided to block his calls from my phone and made him do the same. So we cannot contact each other. However, if he really wanted to see me I live 10 minutes away. We been together for 10 years- how can he get over me so quickly? He seems happier with this new girl. In a way I am happy for him, for I couldn't make him this happy. However, I am so miserable without him.

Edited August 20, 2012 by heartbroken26

[Car10e]

Hi, I'm kind of in a similar situation. My ex bf started seeing a new girl while we were on a break for a month. All the signs were there, but I refused to believe there was another girl, because I didn't expect him to do it. I trusted him. It seems he left me for her, even though he denies he is seeing someone.

 

I can't imagine how much pain you must feel. 10 years is such a long time to date someone! I was only at 4 1/2 years which I considered a long time. I'm going to tell you what people tell me. It could just be a rebound. Considering he was in a relationship with you for so long, it is impossible for him to just drop you like that. There is no way he has stopped thinking of you completely.

 

My advice to you is just let it be. Let him have fun with the new girl. Right now he is in the honeymoon stage. Everything seems dandy right now, but they will start to know each other better. Problems will start to arise.

[blue_jay_bird]

I allways dislike giving advise on these sites because we all seem like we are on the same boat. I feel like im the blind leading the blind. But what i do know is two weeks of NC is not long enough.

 

What i remember in my two week's of NC is crying, mentally blaming myself, being a emotional mess. You need more time to think, heel, and just calm down. Two Months NC, Your head will feel lighter, you will be able think clear. You will be able to look at this relationship better. And well you will just feel like less crap.

[pteromom]

I know this is your life, but honestly, this sounds like a pretty textbook break-up of a high school sweetheart romance. He made it to age 26 before he wanted to see what else is out there and be free, and now he is.

 

I think your ex is right - move on. Go on some dates yourself and try to reinvent yourself as a single adult.

 

Don't count on him coming back. It may happen, but certainly don't put your life on hold in hopes it will.

[DarlingWallflower]

I am really sorry about your situation. I'm even upset just reading this. First of all, never beg someone to be with you. If someone doesn't want to then let them go. You deserve better.

 

Ten years is a long time so it's perfectly natural for you to mourn this huge loss. This man has been such an important part of your life from 16-26.

 

I wish I could discover some powerful medicine to cure heartbreak but I can't. The pain you feel right now is necessary to move on and be able to grow as a person.

 

I obviously can't tell you what to do but this guy clearly doesn't want to be with you. I mean he has another life and another girl.

 

You have your entire life a head of you and don't let this break up get the best of you. The best thing you can do is move on and be happy. This guy doesn't value you or care about your feelings. It will be hard to move on if you keep thinking he'll come back to you. I don't know the details of your relationship but really sweetie, you can do better. Know your self worth because you are more than this. You'll feel horrible for a while and have days when you just want to die. Remember that things get better and that your true love is still out there.

 

You need to find new hobbies and new ways to spend your time. Do things you always wanted to and go from there. You may think that you'll never move on but you will. In ten years I am sure you've learned a thing or two about love so take all the good and learn from your relationship.

 

You may want to be this guy's friend but I don't think it's the best. You won't be able to move on and you'll just be dragged along for his selfish ride.

 

Good luck, I was dumped last wednesday after two years. I'm pissed but hey, I am 20 and still have my youth.

 

Keep on with NC even though you'll have days where you wish to hear his voice. Don't contact him because you'll just go backwards. Keep a journal and make a list of things you'd like to do.

 

You WILL overcome this. Trust.