Melodic Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Honestly I don't even know where to begin so I'm just gonna jump in there. Where is it ok to draw a line in the bedroom? I know that compromise is great, but what about when it comes to sex? Is compromise a good thing? Does it hurt self-respect or a relationship? If one partner honestly feels uncomfortable with something how should it be handled? Now some background. I am relatively sexually inexperienced. My boyfriend right now is the only sexual partner I have ever had (though I was brutally raped as a child). He however was sexually experienced before we started going and cheated on me long ago in the beginning of our relationship. We've been going out for 4 years now and often because of my naivete and inexperience something comes up that I am honestly unsure of how to handle. My boyfriend is generally understanding but there are some things that I find disrespectful or distasteful that he obviously has a taste for. I don't know how to handle situations like this when they come up. When am I being a prude or being sexually selfish? Men please tell me the best way to dissuade you from pressure or convince you that a woman really does not like something. Women, what have you found to be the best way? I really love my boyfriend and I know he loves me but sometimes I just don't know what boundaries to set. Thanks in advance!
guest1 Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 I was thinking today about how men can be so selfish - yes, I am generalizing....sorry to the nice men out there. When it comes to sex, there are still many men, who think that a good sex life is a sex life where THEY are happy and satisfied. My bf is what most people consider a nice and sweet man, and he adores me, but he is one selfish guy in bed. I do not understand it...at times, he has actually said to me "maybe next time"...arggg... ...where WE can be "selfish" is to say..and it has taken me many years to get to that point...that if I do not feel comfortable..it will not happen. You cannot go through your life, doing things you do not feel comfortable with just to make him happy in bed. I have had good lovers and bad ones, but mostly generally selfish ones at some level. I think we women tend to be more given and try to please men more. At some level, we tend to believe that if we do not do it, they will dump us. It is our insecurity. When I think of doing something I do not want to do, I think about how he would not do anything he does not enjoy for me or how I believe that most women will get up their sofa and perform a bj in a man even if they are tired while the guy is less likely to get up to reciprocate. I am not a men hater. I am just very realistic..or hopefully, that is just the sort of guy I have met and I am the exception. Please stand your ground. I once told someone who wanted me to do something I did not: "my dear, if I do it, I will be unhappy, If I don't you will. Frankly, I rather if you are the unhappy one" That was the end of his constant bugging.
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