blue_jay_bird Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 So i went to a therapist told her my situation: 7 year's together, he came to me one day said i don't want to marry you, it's over. To me it was out of the blue, looking back i see the red flags. She stated that "i still think he will come back. ( and i do) and that im waiting for him." The only way to heal, is to confront him, (which will lead to the same responses). BUT in turn will allow me to really accept it's over. Iv told her i can't do it. I have the sick idea, if i wait long enough he will see the he has done the wrong thing. We have been together since we where 17. If he just sleep's around enough, he will see what we have is special and come back. I will grow/ he will grow, and we will get back together. Typing all this i sound crazy. But crazy i am. Anyways i guess after she hears this, she see in how much denial i am in. As a result thinks i should break NC. Should i?
ThatJustHappened Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I agree with your therapist. Not trying to be harsh, but you need a good healthy dose of reality..otherwise you're going to waste your life pining away for this guy who is not interested. Letting go of him is win/win. That way if he comes back, you can accept him or not but it will be YOUR choice..and if he doesn't come back then you're ok anyway. You need to let go of him. I vote break NC. 2
MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 It depends. I would say no. You have the power to realise that he's not coming back and you can work with that with dignity intact. The alternative might back-fire. What if he doesn't just say "No I'm not coming back" what if he says "Maybe one day I will"? Stay NC. Your feelings will catch up with your head eventually. Stay strong. 2
Brokendude Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 The answer was already given by him not askin u back. If he wanted to be back u guys would be together already, i really dont want to hurt ur feelings but breaking nc would just state the obvious, but after ud have much less control and feel worse about it, keep the little power u already have now tgat u kept nc. Im so sorry i kno u dont want to hear this but i really just dont want u hurting even more. Obv id respect whatever it is u decide, just giving u an honest perspective 1
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Maybe you should open the Caliguy No Contact Guide (see my signature), copy, paste into a word.doc and print it off to show her, and tell her also that hundreds of people who stick with it, can testify to it's effectiveness - in supporting them in moving on.... NC isn't against 'them' - it's 'for' you.....
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 How do you heal with NC, when you are pinning with the belief he will come back. NC Does NC work in the just by the passage of time. Because what if i believe, that with in a year or so we could find each other again. Wont that mean im going to suffer a year of waiting. Isn't this healing process slow and painful. Breaking NC Yes it will hurt, yes i will have no control. I'll will cry, i'll try not to beg. But won't this other shock of pain, and reality make the healing process go faster.
MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 How do you heal with NC, when you are pinning with the belief he will come back. Feelings are fickle. By sticking with something like NC you are sending a powerful message to your own feelings; this person is not there anymore. That message is worth a thousand times him telling you that he doesn't want to come back. It might help to write down everything you want to say. Just don't send it.
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 How do you heal with NC, when you are pinning with the belief he will come back. first of all, you have to really realise, understand and accept that the NC guide is not only brutally honest - but that it works. But it can only work under one circumstance: that you 100% apply it, 100% of the time, with the right intention: of getting you through the post-break-up heartbreak. This is a healing process - but you really want to have to heal. NC Does NC work in the just by the passage of time. Because what if i believe, that with in a year or so we could find each other again. Wont that mean im going to suffer a year of waiting. Isn't this healing process slow and painful. Why do you believe this? What concrete evidence has he laid at your feet to indicate this is a strong possibility? Are you definitely convinced this is on the cards - or are you wishfully thinking? Please don't surround your heart with so much barbed-wire against your own healing - that you starve your heart of the oxygen of living again.... Breaking NC Yes it will hurt, yes i will have no control. I'll will cry, i'll try not to beg. But won't this other shock of pain, and reality make the healing process go faster. Never ever break the No Contact rule - you'll be ripping the stitches out and causing yourself untold pain and anguish every time....
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 oh, by the way - read this - an amazing post from an amazing person: It will give you the strength, resolve and determination you need.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 oh, by the way - read this - an amazing post from an amazing person: It will give you the strength, resolve and determination you need. lol, you do know thats my post, and if you did ty for reminding me I said that.
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 of course i knew... nothing like a bit of personal advice to give one's self a kick up the @ss!!
Appleness Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 I have no idea why a therapist would tell you to do something that you obviously don't want to do. It's just going to make you hold on more (IMHO). My counselor dissected my problem (aka relationship) with me and told me (in very medical terms) to do whatever the heck I pleased once I saw the problem. I chose to stay NC. I truly do believe in the "out of sight, out of mind" principle. Everyone is right about you having to let go. You don't need to dose of "reality" by going off NC. What if he says something stupid like "oh I miss you but I'm just confused"? That will just mess your head up more! You want him to give you closure by being mean and blunt and telling you that he wants you out of his life but it doesn't always go the way you expect. Face it: NO ONE likes to be the bad guy. He doesn't want to marry you but he may want to not be a complete d-bag. One thing I've learned is that only you can give closure to yourself. You just can't trust what he tells you. His opinion is skewed and that's why he left you. He's still remembering everything bad. And why do you believe all that BS about if you hold out long enough he'll come back? You might be senile by then; it could take like 40 years! Knock this guy off his pedestal and open yourself up to the possibility of someone better! You deserve it! 1
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