aaf314 Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 First off, I just wanted to say that me and my girlfriend have been going out for a little over 6 months and we both just graduated from high school. Lately though, I have felt that we have been drifting apart. She has been really busy lately so I haven't been able to see her, but the real problem is that she never seems to get into contact me when she has time to be with me. Unless I setup the entire thing, we won't do anything with each other. When I talked to her about this, she told me I was being selfish and that she has other friends that she wants to be with before she goes to college. I completely understand this and I want her to be with her friends, however, I barely get to see her more than 2 or 3 times a week. Our relationship is already hard because she is a "conservative catholic" raised in a military family so she has a hard time dealing with issues of being intimate, nothing sexual, but just normal things that you do. Also, her parents are very overprotective of her and usually during the week, she has to be home around 10 o'clock. She is also very naive when it comes to sexuality (she didn't know that guys masterbate, didn't understand what oral sex was, stuff like that) and she always feels guilty of whenever we do things, especially if it deals with her breasts. Now the problem with that is that she really does enjoy it and loves it, but she isn't sure if she should be doing it, so I respect that, but I'm still gonna try every once in awhile because who knows when it she'll decide, but I'm not gonna force her. The major problem though is that I feel like I don't get enough attention from her and I really feel like she treats me like a friend. I have talked this over with many people, from my best friends, to my sisters, to even my mom and even her closest and best friend, and they all agree with me that she does struggle with these things and that I deserve better. I have talked to her aobut this a few times, but she doesn't seem to get it. She tries to do things like invite me to go to the pool with her family or go to this spanish dancing thing, but what I really want from her is just to have her come over and just relax, cuddle, all those good things and make it feel like we are close again. I really don't know what to do because I really do love her and she is such a great girl, but I can't stand not being able to spend time with her. I've gotten to the point where I'd rather just break up with her so I don't feel like she is supposed to be with me. Can somebody give me some advice, I'd really appreciate it.
Author aaf314 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 Since the start of July, we have hung out only 5 times.
RoboHobo Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 Hi aaf314, I'm sorry that you are in such a cruddy situation. It's good to hear that for a change a guy respects the girls wishes, in general guys are way to self-centered. I think that maybe you guys should set one day a week aside to spend time alone, use this time to watch a movie at your house or something that allows you to sit close and cuddle. Maybe make her breakfast or a nice lunch first. The rest of the week can be for seeing friends and doing social things together. I think that this just helps to get the closeness into a relationship. Once you guys are a bit more comfortable you can begin to be more spontaneous. Rather than trying every now and then to push physical things further, rather talk to her. Have some deep conversations about and once she gets to the point where she is ready to move further she will let you know. This way she wont do anything that she will regret and you will get to know her better. If you love this girl don't give up yet, what is happening between happens to most people. Your relationship doesn't seem bad at all, you just have to work on it. She also sounds a little scared to me, she will learn to relax in time, just give the time to her. Good luck, and enjoy being in love, it's a very special thing to have.
Author aaf314 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 see the problem with talking with her is that she hates comfrontations, even though our talks aren't them. She gets no respect in her house due to the military thing and she has a hard time sticking up for herself and her beliefs. She gives in to peer pressure and will try to be popular and stuff even though that isn't her. The thing bout our relationship is not only am I going out with her, it feels like I'm also raising her as well because I have to force her to tell me what she is really thinking or otherwise she will just say nevermind. I am really worried for her because she is going to college in like a month and really worried she'll do something dumb and really regret it. I just wish I could get her to act like the person she really is because that is the girl I fell in love with.
RoboHobo Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 I know how hard it can be, but I don't mean that by talking you should immediately bring up the subject of physical affection. Tell her your opinions on a wide range of subjects, talk about movie, art, literature, anything that interests you. Get her to open up about her opinions, eventually you will end up talking about the physical stuff, it will come up in conversation naturally. I know you want to protect her from making a mistake, but if she never falls how can she ever learn anything? It is **** hard to let go, I know. I want to protect my ex from everything, I want to see her happy, not hurt. I can't even begin to describe the amount of emotional rubbish she has to deal with, and I can see it breaking her. All I want to do is protect her and make everything better, but I can't she would end up resenting me because she would be so dependent on me. I have to let go, and so do you. Put yourself first, as hard as that is to do. I'm not being sarcastic, it is very difficult for me to put myself first. You can't raise her and be her boyfriend, it isn't fair on you or her. Try to solve these problems now though, I waited too long because I thought my love would be enough. It isn't, life takes a huge amount of effort to get through, it will get easier but start now. Please believe me on this. I am falling apart because of this, don't let it happen to you.
Author aaf314 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 Here is the thing, she wants to think of herself as a normal teenager, but when she went up to her college orientation, she was the only one who didn't drink or party and she freaked out because she felt like she was a dork or something. IDK, she tries to act like someone she doesn't want to be and so that is why I have tried to expose her to things such as parties and stuff, but she will decline because really, she doesn't want to go. I just want to show her that it is ok to go hang out with people who drink and not to drink with them. Most of my friends actually have a great deal of respect for me because I don't do stuff like that just to be like the other people. However, my girlfriend is someone who hasn't been exposed to the crazyness of our high school/college culture that I just wanted to try and help be prepared. But I don't think I can do that. The thing I miss is when the first few months we went out she seemed to be such an independent person and she would tell me how she really felt. We had some of the greatest conversations I have ever had. But lately, she always seems to be afraid of not agreeing with me and when she finally does it, she does it because she is pissed off at me. I just don't know how to get that back because that is what I really miss, the closeness we used to have.
Author aaf314 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 Do you guys think I should just break up with her or just stop asking her to do things and see if she gets it?
Author aaf314 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 If I broke up with her, I would still remain friends with her. What do you guys think?
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