KatZee Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I just had a 2nd date with a guy yesterday and he seems to be on a jet to a relationship. I mean it's the SECOND date and we did dinner and a movie. He kept holding my hand, putting his hand on my thigh, and I knew he was going to try a kiss at the end of the night. He kept calling me babe, baby... and although he seems like a nice guy, he just seems TOO nice? For example, I merely shifted in my seat during the movie and he was like, "Are you OK?!" or when I made a comment about how long my work week was going to be he was like, "Awww... Oh no babe!" It just seemed like he was trying way too hard, coming on way too strong, and it didn't feel natural or genuine to be acting like a bf/gf situation after only meeting him once prior, and for only 4 hours. To me it felt like he's looking for a relationship, and doesn't necessarily care about who it's with. Honestly, what does he know about me after two dates? I'm attractive? Funny? Nice? I don't think that's enough to judge as to whether you'd be in a serious commitment with someone. He also made some statements which popped up some red flags for me--- he asked whether or not I'd move to a different location (one with more space to have a yard, pool, etc) and I was like "Oh I'm not sure, I'm happy with where I am now..." (apartment)... and he's like "Well I mean when you settle down..." As if he was gauging if I'd want to settle down soon? After the 2nd date? Or how he keeps referring to things as "ours" or "we have to do this, or that" after a 2nd date? As I said, he did try to kiss me and it was extremely awkward... I'm about being friends with someone for a while, but he just came at me and what was I going to do? Push him away? So it was like a peck but it wasn't good at all. It pretty much cemented the fact that I didn't want to go on a third date with this guy. I didn't know whether to be scared of him, or just chalk it up to him being a "too nice" guy?? Give him another shot? Run away?
Pyro Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 He is definitely coming on too strong and it's obviously pushing you away. If you want to give him another try tell him at the beginning of the night to slow down some and just enjoy the moment, and if he throws a hissy fit then get rid of him. 1
pteromom Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I agree with Pyro. You have nothing to lose by telling him things are going too fast and seeing how he reacts. If he's willing to slow things down, great - see what happens. But if he gets upset or defensive, you can just go NC and walk away. 1
Author KatZee Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I agree with Pyro. You have nothing to lose by telling him things are going too fast and seeing how he reacts. If he's willing to slow things down, great - see what happens. But if he gets upset or defensive, you can just go NC and walk away. So nothing else about my OP sounds red-flaggish? Just going really fast? I don't feel he'd have any problem slowing it down at all... but it freaked me out so much that I'm almost scared to do a third date! hahaha. He just texted me and I'm freaking out on what to even do! So I'm keeping silent for now lol.
Pyro Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 So nothing else about my OP sounds red-flaggish? Just going really fast? I don't feel he'd have any problem slowing it down at all... but it freaked me out so much that I'm almost scared to do a third date! hahaha. He just texted me and I'm freaking out on what to even do! So I'm keeping silent for now lol. his actions definitely scream dependent and needy, but try talking to him first before you give up on him. Some people will slow down after having a talk. Respond back to him at your own pace.
Author KatZee Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 his actions definitely scream dependent and needy, but try talking to him first before you give up on him. Some people will slow down after having a talk. Respond back to him at your own pace. I absolutely felt this too. That he would become one of those stage-5 clingers. I'm new to this "dating" thing. I've never really dated in my life. I'm more of a serial monogamist. Now that I'm older and most everyone around is married or engaged it's hard to go out with single girls to just meet new people naturally. So I'm now a dater... I can't take the stress! hahaa. 1
Pyro Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I absolutely felt this too. That he would become one of those stage-5 clingers. I'm new to this "dating" thing. I've never really dated in my life. I'm more of a serial monogamist. Now that I'm older and most everyone around is married or engaged it's hard to go out with single girls to just meet new people naturally. So I'm now a dater... I can't take the stress! hahaa. Most important thing is to go at your own pace. Don't rush anything and have fun.
pteromom Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 So nothing else about my OP sounds red-flaggish? Not necessarily. He could just really like you. But you were there. If your gut is screaming at you that he's a creeper and you feel uncomfortable, just text him back and let him know that you just aren't feeling it, and wish him luck in dating.
Author KatZee Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Not necessarily. He could just really like you. But you were there. If your gut is screaming at you that he's a creeper and you feel uncomfortable, just text him back and let him know that you just aren't feeling it, and wish him luck in dating. He didn't seem like a creeper, just SUPER thrilled to have met a normal person finally? Just seems EXTREMELY nice and overeager, and I feel like my personality will just steamroll him since I'm more aggressive/independent, and I kind of need a guy who matches up to that, and doesn't just lay down and become my doormat. Not sure if this is HIM as a person to always be this nice or if he's just putting best foot forward.
pteromom Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Not sure if this is HIM as a person to always be this nice or if he's just putting best foot forward. In this case, I'd give him the opportunity to show you who he is. If you decide not to go out with him again, that decision would just be based on fear of who he MIGHT be. I'd give it one more date. If he starts being overly eager again, a discussion about going slowly is in order. If he doesn't respect where you are coming from, you are well within your right to just not go out with him again.
Author KatZee Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 In this case, I'd give him the opportunity to show you who he is. If you decide not to go out with him again, that decision would just be based on fear of who he MIGHT be. I'd give it one more date. If he starts being overly eager again, a discussion about going slowly is in order. If he doesn't respect where you are coming from, you are well within your right to just not go out with him again. OK cool... got it.
thatone Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 if he doesn't know how to behave on dates 1 and 2 what else does he not know how to do? i'd be checking out already if i were in your shoes.
FitChick Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 For all you know he has been told by other women that he was too detached and undemonstrative so he's trying to improve. Men can't win sometimes. Assert yourself and say what you want from him. It can't hurt, it can only help, if not you then the next woman when he dials it back a bit. Yes, I can get excited when I finally meet someone who is halfway normal! Plenty of women would trade places with you, especially the ones in a relationship or even living with a man for years wondering how he really feels about them. 1
fishtaco Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Not a player. Because if he were a player, he has already failed. It's all in the delivery. A man is SUPPOSED to go for physical contact, as intimate as the woman will allow it. A man is SUPPOSED to be aggressive and push for it, but without turning forceful. All the while, keeping everything light, fun, and casual. Sounds like he did it all wrong. Maybe he'll learn the game one day. If your dating styles don't match, find someone else.
It's Just Me Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 OH! I can SO relate to this! Calling me 'baby' or 'babe' on a second date gets you the yellow 'WTF-Is-Wrong-With-You' flag. Unfortunately, those never improved on the third date, even after a conversation. This guy is d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e. Is he in debt out the wazoo thanks to an ex-wife and kids that he's paying for? Are you his ticket out of debt hell, thanks to your solid job and paycheque? Those were the prematurely baby-baby-shmoopy-shmoopy guys, and they turned stalkerish until I shut them down completely. I came across three in my OLD travels.
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