kitkatz29 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I've been dating a Guy for 3 months that I met on an online dating site. We have been seeing each other about once a week, on rare occasion twice a wk since we first met and text daily and talk on the phone about one to two times a wk. Since the beginning he said he likes to take things slow and I agreed. As a result, we waited almost two months before having sex. That first time we had sex it was awkward and it just stopped. Probably because it was planned and I let my insecurities get in the way. We decided the next time to let things happen naturally. But there hasn't been a next time just yet. We have had oral sex pretty consistently however. From the beginning he's told me he has a busy schedule and can't commit to seeing each other more often and I've been ok with that. He's been pretty honest and upfront with me until now. At least that I know of. But he still has his profile open on the dating site and I can see that he goes on it pretty regularly and has continued to update his profile. In addition, I feel like I have had to initiate conversations with him (via txt or phone) more often than him lately. Plus sometimes he doesn't respond to certain texts. Part of me wants to believe he is interested in me. But the other part of me questions it because of the fact that we aren't having sex, we rarely go out when we see each other and he still has his dating profile available. We haven't had the what are we conversation just yet. And I'm hesitant to have this conversation with him because I sense he's not ready to define things yet. But I just don't know what to think. We've discussed the fact that if he were to lose interest that he would tell me. He flat out promised that he wouldn't be that Guy to just blow me off and leave me wondering. So I want to believe that unless he says otherwise, he is in fact still interested. But part of me feels like evidence says otherwise. Any opinions? Advice?
truth_seeker Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 He's not that into you, but is keeping you on the back burner if he doesn't find someone he likes better. Some people do not like to be direct. They would rather be cold so you will get the hint and disappear. I think you should date other men. 1
KatZee Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Yeah, I'd say he's dating around. You're not exclusive to him, so until you have THAT conversation, you need to be assuming he's still seeing other women. I know, I know... you're probably like... WHAT!? But that's usually what guys do who are on those sites. They see what's out there, they date multiple women, they hook up with multiple women, etc. I'd say you only see him once a week because he's filling other slots with other women, whether it be casual dating as in a first date, or women he's taken home to have oral sex with as well. I'm not going to say he's NOT into you, I mean he is having a good time with you... but as to taking it further... I think he's fibbing when he says he doesn't have the "time" for it... I think he's just not trying to be seriously tied down to someone right now. And if that's what you're looking for... best to cut the losses now rather than later. 1
Lizzie60 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 DUMP HIM!!! He's a player! Don't waste anymore energy and time on him.. move on! If he was really interested, he would call and keep you...
Frogwife Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I always find questions like this a little sad because who really cares whether he's into you or not... the better question would be "Are YOU happy?" Clearly you are not, or you wouldn't be putting this question on a forum. And if (by some off chance) you ARE happy with a set up like this, that begets a big "WHY??"... a guy you hardly see, mediocre sex, sucking his d*ck from time to time, you don't go out and do things, he doesn't initiate contact and he's still out there on a dating site hoping to meet other people... What on earth kind of relationship is that?? 3
pteromom Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I always find questions like this a little sad because who really cares whether he's into you or not... the better question would be "Are YOU happy?" Clearly you are not, or you wouldn't be putting this question on a forum. And if (by some off chance) you ARE happy with a set up like this, that begets a big "WHY??"... a guy you hardly see, mediocre sex, sucking his d*ck from time to time, you don't go out and do things, he doesn't initiate contact and he's still out there on a dating site hoping to meet other people... What on earth kind of relationship is that?? Awesome post, and I agree! The question isn't "is he into me?" The question is "Am I satisfied with what I am getting?" The answer has to be NO in this situation. So your options are to continue hanging on, hoping he gets more invested (unlikely!), have the talk and accept the outcome (either he's willing to take things to the next level or he isn't.), or just start dating other guys yourself and move on.
Author kitkatz29 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I appreciate all of your opinions and advice and think you all have made some valid points. However, I do feel like I'm being judged a little too harshly by FROGWIFE and (mostly) PIERRE. To say that it saddens you to read my post, or to jump to the conclusion that I have low self esteem based on this one entry I've written is a little unnecessary. I posted on here to get an unbiased view point from different people, not to be judged or accused of having low self esteem. While I can admit that I do have a tendency to set myself up to be taken advantage of at times, it's not for lack of self esteem. I'm pretty confident with who I am, and while I am fully aware that I am no where near perfect, I like the person that I am. With that said, I do have to agree with those of you that said I need to ask myself whether I am happy with the situation I am in. I also agree with the person that said it sounds like I'm being put on the back burner until he finds someone "better." The truth is, that's what's been in the back of my mind every time I see his profile online and notice he's been updating it. But because my emotions are involved and I have grown to care for this man, I continue to hope that I'm wrong; When I should be facing the reality that the only reason he would keep his profile up and continue to update it is because he is keeping his options open. Now to answer the questions of whether or not I am happy with the current situation, here is my answer. I am content with the amount of time I get to spend with him. Of course I would love to see him more, but once a week is fine. For me, it's more about the effort he makes to see me. He and I did have a conversation regarding the amount of time we spend together a couple weeks ago. I had explained to him that I was a little frustrated with the fact that I felt like I was the one having to initiate us getting together, and over the two weeks preceding that conversation every time I initiated he was unable to get together. I told him that I can understand his busy schedule (he works like 60hrs a wk, goes out of town once a wk for 1-2days, and has a child that he has split custody with), and understand sometimes we wont be able to get together. However, if he truly is interested in me and wants to continue seeing me, I need to see him making an effort. I would rather him try to make plans and have to cancel because something came up, rather than not try at all. Since that conversation I will give him credit, he has made more of an effort to spend time with me and has initiated more when it comes to getting together. I may have given the wrong impression in my first post when it comes him initiating communication via text and calling. He does initiate as well. I just feel like I have to initiate a little more frequently than he does. That's the part that makes me want to give him the benefit of the doubt. The fact that he actually listened to what I was saying and had appeared to make more of an effort since that conversation. I guess the real root of all my doubt is really the whole online dating profile thing. I realize that is a MAJOR red flag and the only way I'm going to be able to put my mind at ease if I continue to see him is if I suck it up and bring it up to him. And like someone on here previously said I will need to just accept the outcome and be prepared that the response I get may not be what I want to hear. While I can be content with only seeing him 1-2times a week, I cannot and will not be content with being anyone's "Plan B." So if he is seeing other people and is not willing to remove his profile from that site after 3 months, then I will have to cut ties. Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts. Much appreciated!
Recommended Posts