Cant get over her dating someone else so quickly

[epsilon007]

Hello everyone,

 

I am new here. My ex gf broke up with me about 7 weeks ago. it was not working out, I wanted something stable but after two years of dating, she started going out all the time again and doing drugs which bothered me and i started going crazy about it, fighting all the time, yelling and loosing trust in the relationship due to her behaviors. So she broke up with me claiming thagt I am too possessive and a controling BF, she said that she is 23 years old and still wants to live her life and the kind of relationship I want is what she will be looking for when she is 27.

 

the first few weeks were fine. I moved out and she kept texting me all the time (i didnt know about the NC rule since it was my first gf ever), but then it hit me that I dont want to be single and that I love her so much, so I tried to get back together with her doing all the wrong thigs (begging, promising to change bla bla), and of course she said no, and her reason was that I made her hate relationshoips and that she wants to be single. Two weeks after that, she calls me crying and wouldnt say why, then I got her to confess that she has been sleeping with another guy and shortly after started dating him. THATS WHEN I COMPLETELY LOST IT. I called her bad names and then she completely stopped talking to me.

 

Now I am in severe depression, I think about her every waking moment of my day. I love her and want to be with her and is stopping me from going NC, but at the same time i feel betrayed because she is with someone else and has been dragging me along for over a month. I dont know what to do, I go thru the stages of break up like almost every day, i wake up thinking is this really happening and being in denial, then i get angry and when i try to focus myself and reflect about the situation I come to terms with the fact that it wasnt working out and that it is prolly for the best, but it keep happening all the time and i dont know how to cope. SHE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

 

I am sorry for venting my emotions, but it is the only support group I found and i am a newbie to this. Any pointers will help greatly, how do I accept this and stop thinking about her, it is taking a tole on me. I am not eating nor sleeping, all I do after work is drinking and smoking cigarettes its killing me slowly. HELP

[Balzac]

You've panicked. Slow it down, drugs, natch. Why would you want to continue a relationship, possibly commit major time, think long term if these problems exist? You think a girl who treats you this way, uses drugs, is a candidate to become the mother of your children?

 

Move on. Focus on your contributions to this morass. How and why did you stay as long as you did?

[epsilon007]

When I met her she was in the drug scene, but fell in love with me and slowly stopped to be with me. before the breakup she met some new friends that got her back in the drugs: bad news and everything went downhill. I guess i stayed around and still want her because I know she can change for me, for us, she did it before, I didnt realize that it was over and that she will choose going out doing drugs and meeting guys until six in the morning everynight instead of being with me!!! YES as crazy as it might sound, i still do want her.

I am coming to terms that she might not be the perfect one to be the mother of my children, but as i said she is the love of my life, and seeing her with another guy is just crushing me(whose Moroccan as well, I mean how can you find another Moroccan in DC, just to spite me?)

[weallfalldown]

you ended it because you wern't happy.......remember that, i've done the same then panicked, but you did the right thing....she wasn't on the same level as you. You lost it and called her names so what, fair play to you. she had the cheek to ring you, telling you about someone else!!!......

[epsilon007]

Actually she was the one who ended it, claiming that I am possessive and controlling for not wanting /letting her go out with friends and do her thing (which in this case go out with guys until 6 in the morning like 3 times a week doing hard drugs). i think its understandable what I did but she saw it as me manipulating her and not giving her space.

and then after me pleading and begging for her back, she said she wants her space to single and independent, then a week later she is with another guy, thats when she stopped talking to me. She used me for emotional support and to feel good about herself until finding someone else ( a rebound) then she threw me away and it hurts. I dont want her back for that, i just want to cope and come to terms with her being someone else's now and not mine after all these years. Gosh it hurts

[Car10e]

Hello everyone,

 

I am new here. My ex gf broke up with me about 7 weeks ago. it was not working out, I wanted something stable but after two years of dating, she started going out all the time again and doing drugs which bothered me and i started going crazy about it, fighting all the time, yelling and loosing trust in the relationship due to her behaviors. So she broke up with me claiming thagt I am too possessive and a controling BF, she said that she is 23 years old and still wants to live her life and the kind of relationship I want is what she will be looking for when she is 27.

 

the first few weeks were fine. I moved out and she kept texting me all the time (i didnt know about the NC rule since it was my first gf ever), but then it hit me that I dont want to be single and that I love her so much, so I tried to get back together with her doing all the wrong thigs (begging, promising to change bla bla), and of course she said no, and her reason was that I made her hate relationshoips and that she wants to be single. Two weeks after that, she calls me crying and wouldnt say why, then I got her to confess that she has been sleeping with another guy and shortly after started dating him. THATS WHEN I COMPLETELY LOST IT. I called her bad names and then she completely stopped talking to me.

 

Now I am in severe depression, I think about her every waking moment of my day. I love her and want to be with her and is stopping me from going NC, but at the same time i feel betrayed because she is with someone else and has been dragging me along for over a month. I dont know what to do, I go thru the stages of break up like almost every day, i wake up thinking is this really happening and being in denial, then i get angry and when i try to focus myself and reflect about the situation I come to terms with the fact that it wasnt working out and that it is prolly for the best, but it keep happening all the time and i dont know how to cope. SHE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

 

I am sorry for venting my emotions, but it is the only support group I found and i am a newbie to this. Any pointers will help greatly, how do I accept this and stop thinking about her, it is taking a tole on me. I am not eating nor sleeping, all I do after work is drinking and smoking cigarettes its killing me slowly. HELP

 

 

I'm also going through the same thing. The break up alone is bad, but being replaced so quickly is absolutely heartbreaking. It's been a little over a month since my break up, and it's still really hard for me. Especially the weekends. But the only thing you can do is just let it be. I keep myself busy on the weekends so I'm not thinking about it as much.

[Chi townD]

dude, you're better off without her. I know you don't believe it or want to believe it. However, it is what it is. Right now, the "newness" of a new relationship and the drugs are more important to her now. You really don't want a girlfriend that does drugs...next thing you know, she'll start stealing from you, crap will start going missing on you.....you don't want to deal with that.

 

If that's the life she wants, then fine. You KNOW you don't want to live that life. So, I think it's time that you heal and move on. If she trys to contact you in the future. Ignore it.

[Crila16]

Ok. First off, you don't know if she's the love of your life. Your life...or your dating life rather, has just begun.

 

The first cut is the deepest...everyone knows that. You will love again, though that's not what you want to hear right now. I get it.

 

This girl is your first love...and greatest love to date. You two broke up, because she's obviously gotten involved with a crowd that does drugs...and you don't apparently. That's her common interest with this new group. So she gets involved with a guy (probably in the group), calls you up crying to tell you, then gets mad at you for telling her off cause she hurt you...and you're chasing her trying to get her back.

 

Wow...I want to meet a guy like you. I can abuse you and you'll keep coming back for more. This girl must feel like she knows she can do no wrong to you. You'll just take it and if she ever decides to come back to you, you'll be there for her. What a good gig she's got going.

 

No. Ditch this girl. There are so many girls out there who are worthy of you and everything you have to offer. Someone who will cherish what you have to give and will never betray and backstab you. Is this what you always dreamed love would be? When you were little, is this the person you dreamed that one day you'd find? A girl who's sleeping with another guy, shortly after breaking up with you? Someone who's doing drugs? Someone that wrongs you and turn it around onto you and makes you chase her?

 

Figure out what you want in a woman. Seriously really and truly want. Then compare that list to this girl. That will give you the answer you need.

[Balzac]

When I met her she was in the drug scene, but fell in love with me and slowly stopped to be with me. before the breakup she met some new friends that got her back in the drugs: bad news and everything went downhill. I guess i stayed around and still want her because I know she can change for me, for us, she did it before, I didnt realize that it was over and that she will choose going out doing drugs and meeting guys until six in the morning everynight instead of being with me!!! YES as crazy as it might sound, i still do want her.

I am coming to terms that she might not be the perfect one to be the mother of my children, but as i said she is the love of my life, and seeing her with another guy is just crushing me(whose Moroccan as well, I mean how can you find another Moroccan in DC, just to spite me?)

 

I know you want her but honestly, inform yourself about relapse data in treatment of drug users. The question then becomes how many times do you willingly choose that life for yourself?

[epsilon007]

Ok. First off, you don't know if she's the love of your life. Your life...or your dating life rather, has just begun.

 

The first cut is the deepest...everyone knows that. You will love again, though that's not what you want to hear right now. I get it.

 

This girl is your first love...and greatest love to date. You two broke up, because she's obviously gotten involved with a crowd that does drugs...and you don't apparently. That's her common interest with this new group. So she gets involved with a guy (probably in the group), calls you up crying to tell you, then gets mad at you for telling her off cause she hurt you...and you're chasing her trying to get her back.

 

Wow...I want to meet a guy like you. I can abuse you and you'll keep coming back for more. This girl must feel like she knows she can do no wrong to you. You'll just take it and if she ever decides to come back to you, you'll be there for her. What a good gig she's got going.

 

No. Ditch this girl. There are so many girls out there who are worthy of you and everything you have to offer. Someone who will cherish what you have to give and will never betray and backstab you. Is this what you always dreamed love would be? When you were little, is this the person you dreamed that one day you'd find? A girl who's sleeping with another guy, shortly after breaking up with you? Someone who's doing drugs? Someone that wrongs you and turn it around onto you and makes you chase her?

 

Figure out what you want in a woman. Seriously really and truly want. Then compare that list to this girl. That will give you the answer you need.

what you are saying is a 100 % correct, thank you for your message. I am starting in fact to hate her for the bad stuff she did to me, but for some reason I just cant seem to let go. It has been 7 weeks, but in my mind we only broke up a 2 weeks ago when she told me she is in fact seeing the other guy. And I think I am obsessing about the guy that I cant get over her, I feel like it is the only think preventing me from thinking about her 24/7, How do I overcome this, it is not healthy I cant sleep nor eat. But the thought of her (that was mine) is now with someone else is killing me and disgusting me!!

[epsilon007]

dude, you're better off without her. I know you don't believe it or want to believe it. However, it is what it is. Right now, the "newness" of a new relationship and the drugs are more important to her now. You really don't want a girlfriend that does drugs...next thing you know, she'll start stealing from you, crap will start going missing on you.....you don't want to deal with that.

 

If that's the life she wants, then fine. You KNOW you don't want to live that life. So, I think it's time that you heal and move on. If she trys to contact you in the future. Ignore it.

Thank you for your message, you are right but I am having difficulty healing espeically knwoing that she is with someone else. Just the tought of it is driving me crazy and I am obsessing, I cant go one second without thinking about it!

[epsilon007]

It has been about 10 weeks now. 2 weeks NC ( I had a phase when I get drunk and text her to be ignored most of the time). But it has had bad consequnces that actually helped me.

 

So the ex is still with the guy and is now spreading rumours about me saying that I am stalking her (going thru her fb and stuff which I didnt since I blocked her long ago), that I am a crazy person by sending her those texts... bla bla... I know I messed and I shouldnt have done that. I would wake up with a glitch everything i would look at my phone. but I guess its normal to do so I am forgiving myself.

 

anyhow, I think that the fact that she is making me expressing my feelings for her public knowledge is extremely disrespectful, so I vowed to never talked to her again, never to pursue her again. AND I AM GOING TO STAND BY IT!

sorry for venting but words of encouragement are welcome.

 

PS: last i heard she is still doing drugs every night and seeing a guy 10 years older without a college degree and all he does is DJ and go out. GOOD JOB K!