Gaprofitt Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Previously posted this under the wrong topic heading, would like your thoughts. Hi All, I have a question, my wife left me July 1st with our son and filed for divorce. Since she left to be honest I have been destroyed. I have took a hard look at myself the days after she left and realized I had some work to do. I immediately started with two counselors improving myself and some of the behavior I had exhibited in the marriage. I also started going to the gym a lot. I have spent a lot of money with dual counselors working on myself and understanding my wife's feelings and concerns. We have an 11 month old child. I keep referring back to a July 2nd email where she said she would think about giving me another chance if I could get my stuff together by the temporary hearing which just happened a week or so ago. I am the type person who is beyond passionate about fixing something when I see where I went wrong, my counselors have allowed me to focus on becoming a better person and I have a deep understanding now of how to approach our issues and I have a completely different attitude and values than I did when she left. I will also continue to do the counseling for myself regardless if she returns or not. She has been brutally mean to me during the divorce, I mean horrible. She put on a no-contact order, has cancelled my visitation once with my son and threatnened to my sister-in-law to do it again. Admittently I sent way too many emails trying to reach her heart and pushed her to the no-contact order. I'm beyond that now but still want to save my marriage if possible. We have mediation scheduled for next month. I am really struggling with why if you see a man who you love is more than apologetic and is willing to do the work for the marriage and himself why she would just move on. I also don't understand all the anger and rage toward me, she knows me very well, i'm a sensitive guy and she drives drives over me, backs up and drives over me again and again. It just hurts so bad. We have never been to marriage counseling or even individual counseling now we both are in individual counseling. I just don't know how you throw away an 8 year marriage with an 11 month old son we both love that quickly. Greg
yessy21 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Greg, I'm sorry your having such a hard time. it takes time to really adjust your life all over. It sounds like she had been waiting for this for a while. she had a plan and shes following it. You dont want to be noones second choice...and her not being with you is you Not being her first choice. Dont email her with anything unless its about the baby and his necessities. anything that you write can be used against you. they could see you as being pushy or a threat to her. you dont want that. make a list of the days that you want to see your son...and what else you would like to keep or give her. you will know wether its real or not when you walk into that mediation all ready to give you side of the agreements. if you look directly at her you will probrably see her eyes panic if she has doubts. Another thing.... and please take this into consideration... have a poker face... dont get too excited... and pull out her chair if she is about to sit down.... And always let her talk first. Be prepared. dont let your emotions get the best of you. BTW: It sounds like she has her eye on something she really wants and i dont mean materialisticly.
salem mark Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Greg, please move on, your marriage is over, her actions speak very loudly here, you dont deserve what she is doing to you
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Greg, please move on, your marriage is over, her actions speak very loudly here, you dont deserve what she is doing to you I agree, I guess i was just hoping.. I'm just not a person to get angry and move on but I know I need to, it's just so tough.. Greg
salem mark Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 its tough, life can be be strong work on you , show her you can get off the ground and keep moving. living well is the best revenge/response ok? 1
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 its tough, life can be be strong work on you , show her you can get off the ground and keep moving. living well is the best revenge/response ok? Will do, i've been hitting the gym a lot of as mentioned going to counselors which has helped me a ton. Thanks for your honesty, I know she has been brutal which makes it that much more tough. Greg
salem mark Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I learned this the hard wqay, I lost a brother ( i loved dearly) who took his own life because he wasnt strong enough to move on
salem mark Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 women can be brutal, moew so then men and they move on quicker than we do. Ive never been married but have hadlmany girlfriends, (i should be a counselor lol) 1
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 women can be brutal, moew so then men and they move on quicker than we do. Ive never been married but have hadlmany girlfriends, (i should be a counselor lol) Lol. Yeah I have to be stronger, I'm getting better each day. Also i have some events planned with friends I haven't seen in a long time, cookout and a party. Greg
salem mark Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 think abundance, you'll meet another woman down the road, there's millions of em!!!
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 think abundance, you'll meet another woman down the road, there's millions of em!!! Lol.. That's true.. I think I need to heal first and take care of myself and fix my issues. That's the most important thing now. I want to focus on my son.
mizundastud Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Greg if you have done nothing that major to deserve this behavior and you are trying to work on yourself if she truly loved and wanted to be with you she would be trying to help you save your marriage. Maybe your giving her to much attention and she gets some type of pleasure and seeing you hurt but just work on being a better you and if she doesn't come around then there is really nothing more you can do.
LadyGrey Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 What are your issues Greg? Whey did she get a NC order against you? You said emails, but there must be more to it than that? You threaten her? What was in those emails? Were you abusive to her before she left? Unless you are honest here, people's advice won't help.
Author Gaprofitt Posted August 21, 2012 Author Posted August 21, 2012 Greg if you have done nothing that major to deserve this behavior and you are trying to work on yourself if she truly loved and wanted to be with you she would be trying to help you save your marriage. Maybe your giving her to much attention and she gets some type of pleasure and seeing you hurt but just work on being a better you and if she doesn't come around then there is really nothing more you can do. I'm not without my faults for sure, and i'm in counseling for them to improve myself, i'm very passionate about it and take it very seriously. I don't ever want to repeat my mistakes or say hurtful things like I did. I realize I can only focus on myself, if she sees a changing man maybe she will think about us and our family, all I can do is change for the better.. She knows how much I care, I know she does. Greg
worldgonewrong Posted August 21, 2012 Posted August 21, 2012 This all just went down since July 1st? That is a lot of drama compressed into 1 month and almost 3 weeks. I deeply sympathize and identify a lot with your original post, Greg, but there's got to be more to this story. p.s. you live in a state where people can get quickie divorces, eh? I was shocked to read that, as my state requires 1 full year of separation before any talk of divorce.
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