BrokenBox Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Some of you may know my story. Two months ago me and my ex broke up, she was my first love and the first cut is the deepest, one says. I've been keeping low contact, and yesterday asked her to meet up again. She was really clear that she didn't really want the same **** again, and wouldn't give me a second chance. She sounded bitter and tried giving me the guilt of the relationship ending (even though she was the one who didn't want to work on us, but just left). She then removed me from facebook, so I got the signal. I want to go permanent NC now, but one of my core beliefs is that one doesn't just cut contact and say nothing. I have blocked her on facebook and all other social networks we were both active on. I am now planning to send her this one last letter, with a small gift I bought earlier. Please read: Dear E, This [item] is something I found on vacation in Slovenia. I bought it hoping to be able to give it to you if we'd meet again. It's clear to me now that there's nothing left. Please keep the [item] as a reminder of our beautiful moments together (or if you don't want it, do with it as you please). If I hurt you (or maybe I didn't), I want to apologize for this. I wanted nothing more than to make you happy, but I see we don't belong together. I genuinely hope you will find someone who can make you happy in the future. I think it's best if we don't have contact with each other altogether. I noticed you want to be left alone, and I promise that this is the last time you'll hear from me. Not to be mean, but I see you're happier with your friends without my foolish attempts on keeping in contact. I have to let things go and move on now, and that's something I can only do when I see no updates on you through any channel. I'm writing you this letter mostly to explain to you that I'm going 'no-contact' not to be mean, but to be able to move on. I look back upon our time together seeing wonderful and great moments, end I want to close things off with this letter in a way that you know that I have no hard feelings towards you. I think you'll understand. You were my first for many things and I will always cherish these moments. You made a huge impression on me in our short time together, and I'll never forget you. With all my heart I wish you all the happiness in the world. Love, A What do you think? I'm not sending it in hope of response. I burned the bridges already, so she won't contact me. For my own peace of mind I want her to know that I'm not doing no-contact out of anger or resentment, for she is someone that will blame the entire mankind if she thinks I'm being intentionally mean, and I want her to be able to fall in love again with someone else and trust that there are men out there who won't play mind games on her.
youngnlove89 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Some of you may know my story. Two months ago me and my ex broke up, she was my first love and the first cut is the deepest, one says. I've been keeping low contact, and yesterday asked her to meet up again. She was really clear that she didn't really want the same **** again, and wouldn't give me a second chance. She sounded bitter and tried giving me the guilt of the relationship ending (even though she was the one who didn't want to work on us, but just left). She then removed me from facebook, so I got the signal. I want to go permanent NC now, but one of my core beliefs is that one doesn't just cut contact and say nothing. I have blocked her on facebook and all other social networks we were both active on. I am now planning to send her this one last letter, with a small gift I bought earlier. Please read: What do you think? I'm not sending it in hope of response. I burned the bridges already, so she won't contact me. For my own peace of mind I want her to know that I'm not doing no-contact out of anger or resentment, for she is someone that will blame the entire mankind if she thinks I'm being intentionally mean, and I want her to be able to fall in love again with someone else and trust that there are men out there who won't play mind games on her. I basically got out of it like I did a Charlie Brown episode, WA WA WA WA WA. No offense. It shows how weak you are. This letter to her will be a power trip. Please don't send it. You are emasculating yourself. Sometimes silence speaks volumes. Sometimes saying nothing is more effective. Let her wonder. But I understand that sometimes we need to do something to get our own closure. But I will tell your right now from experience, you won't get it from sending this letter. She will either ignore it (ouch, think about how upset you will feel) or she will respond by giving you false hope. Either action, doesn't involve her coming back and realizing she made a mistake. At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be. 2
Breck Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I agree on not sending it. She ended it. Why are you softening the blow for her? All you are doing is validating her decision and she'll see you as weak and inferior. It's like writing a letter that says I don't deserve you. If you want your relationship to have any positive impression at all, don't say anything.
8mia8 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 That's sweet; so many people here are really bitter. I'd wait a week or two, maybe even longer, for things to cool off first. If you feel then that you still want to send it, do so. I would take out the part how you think she's happier with her friends and cut down on the amount of times you said you want her to be happy.
Crila16 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I agree. You sound weak. My ex in college sent me a letter like that. I still have it. When I first got it, I showed all my friends the letter so they could read it. If you think it will be for her eyes only, they won't be. If she's seeing someone new, she may even show it to him. She ended the relationship because she didn't want to be with you anymore...and no, there's nothing wrong with you. You're actually awesome, because you have a heart and you love her so much that you actually took time to write her a letter, not a txt message. You have no choice but to let her go. If you need to send her a letter for your closure, that's different, but she's not going to be touched by it. I would right the letter. Put it in an envelope. Put her name on it. Take it over your toilet or sink...and burn the damn thing. 1
youngnlove89 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 That's sweet; so many people here are really bitter. I'd wait a week or two, maybe even longer, for things to cool off first. If you feel then that you still want to send it, do so. I would take out the part how you think she's happier with her friends and cut down on the amount of times you said you want her to be happy. Bitter? Let me guess, you were the dumper? Or if you were the dumpee, you wish your ex would write something like this? But, he won't. Because he doesn't care. Because he left you. I'm not being bitter, I am being real. Nothing will come of that letter besides making a fool of himself. He needs to hear the truth and hopefully he doesn't take your advice. You can write letters all day, but don't send them. Hide them. Get your feelings out on paper but that's it. Sending them will only prolong the pain because you aren't going to get the response you want. If you don't believe me, try it.
ellllllarose Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I sent my ex a letter after we broke up and I gave his promise ring back, and he never responded. We started talking a few days later and he said yeah he did get it, didn't say anything else. It meant nothing to him. That should have been my red flag but wasn't, I kept trying. Don't send this. Keep it for yourself to read when you feel like you should talk to her. This letter at most will make her go "aw" and she'll never look at it again.
big bear Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Well, I sent so many letters and mails I don't even want to count. They never do anything good. If you really want to send one wait for sometime. Don't send it in the heat of the moment. We all learn from the school of hard knocks. If you send it, you will learn they are worthless. If you don't, kudos to you, you are learning from others mistakes.
Author BrokenBox Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I just don't find it decent to burn all bridges and not at least tell her why, I think that's the main reason I want to send the letter. And I still have the item I bought specifically for her.. Something else I should mention probably: in the heat of the moment yesterday, I messaged her best girlfriend after I deleted her from facebook (mind you she was on good terms with me and she didn't want my ex to end it either). I told her basically this: Hey again, I know I don't really know you but I find it necessary to briefly explain that the only reason I deleted you from facebook is that I don't want to see accidental updates on [ex] through your newsfeed. For instance when she finds someone new, I don't want to see that in my newsfeed through you. It would only be unnecessarily confronting. I only just found out that there's nothing left between me and [ex] so that's why I've waited until now to cut all ties. So it's nothing personal towards you And then deleted her from facebook. Now I think I can be 100% sure this is going to reach my ex, right? I'm still wondering if it's the right thing to do or not, for my own peace of mind. In the past I once 'broke up' on a friendship by going totally NC and not explaining it, and I still feel bad about that to this day. I think that may be the root of me wanting to send her a final "this is why I'm going NC"-letter.
Breck Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 You need to develop a tougher skin. Don't send a letter just for your own emotional well being. Burn it. That's hard to do, but it's what you need to do. One day you will have to raise teenagers. You will need to show tough love as a parent and not always do what is easy. What if your wife has cancer? Are you going to be strong and positive during her final days or disappear in your own tears? Dating is an audition for marriage. Stop doing what is easiest and most comfortable emotionally and make the tough decision. Get a tough skin. Your 16 year old sons dropped out of school and doing heroine. Are you going to write him a long letter and buy him a gift or kick his little 16 year old f'd up ass?
youngnlove89 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I just don't find it decent to burn all bridges and not at least tell her why, I think that's the main reason I want to send the letter. And I still have the item I bought specifically for her.. Something else I should mention probably: in the heat of the moment yesterday, I messaged her best girlfriend after I deleted her from facebook (mind you she was on good terms with me and she didn't want my ex to end it either). I told her basically this: And then deleted her from facebook. Now I think I can be 100% sure this is going to reach my ex, right? I'm still wondering if it's the right thing to do or not, for my own peace of mind. In the past I once 'broke up' on a friendship by going totally NC and not explaining it, and I still feel bad about that to this day. I think that may be the root of me wanting to send her a final "this is why I'm going NC"-letter. don't send it. end of story. just listen.
veggirl Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 STOP! No letters! You shouldn't have sent her friend that fb message. Why did you do that? Her friend isn't stupid, she knows you and her bestfriend broke up and can deduce that's why you deleted her. Duh! This is all too transparent. Whether you acknowledge you are doing these things for reactions or not, that's exactly what it comes across as. It is making you look desperate Do not send that letter. Your ex has no problem cutting you out of her life w/o words, you don't owe her anything. You "don't believe" in doing that?! Bulls.hit! So everyone from your past that is no longer in your life, you had a talk with them? No you just went your separate ways. Do not send her a gift!! I'm serious, she will probably laugh at you and show her friends and they will all think it's nothing but a sad attempt at reaching out to her for a reaction or reconcilliation. Save your dignity and do not do not do not send her anything or communicate with her friends again.
Author BrokenBox Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I guess it was the heat of the moment. Ex just deleted my as a friend and I was furiously burning as many bridges as I could find. Also I casually talked with her in a friendly way just a few hours before I decided to burn everything, so I felt somehow "obliged" to let her know it wasn't personal. Anyway, I probably shouldn't have done that indeed. But what's done is done and I should let that go as well. I think I'll not send the letter. I might write it out on paper, and then indeed burn it together with that damned item. And try moving on. I really appreciate you guys for taking the time to talk to me about this.
jmjacobs31 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 First I agree with many, the letter is a little pathetic. I don't have a problem with a good bye letter, you just need to make it one damn good letter. Also be prepared for her not to read it. It took me two months to write the perfect letter to my ex for him to not read it (or at least that's what he says). I did get some closure by just reading it though. Second I think its okay for you to send her friend that FB message. I had to cut A LOT of people off my facebook because of the same reason you did. I kept a few people I am close with on there but it kills when I see things about him, pics, where hes at, etc....
Crila16 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Buy a dart board, or find a fluffy pillow to beat up or scream into the next time you want to communicate with her. It does help and is a great stress reliever.
8mia8 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Bitter? Let me guess, you were the dumper? Or if you were the dumpee, you wish your ex would write something like this? But, he won't. Because he doesn't care. Because he left you. As a dumpee, I have gotten letters like this and I cherish them like I cherish all my memories with the person. I have also sent letters like this to the dumper. I personally love all my past loves regardless of who dumps who.
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