Cooper1157 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Hello Forum. I've been browsing these boards for some time and finally decided to post because I NEED help. Below is the story of my breakup and my suffering. I do not know what to do to ease the pain because it is relentless. (PS my username is my dogs name). OK here goes: My ex and I were friends in High School but were never romantically involved. We began dating when I was 27 and she was 24. I'm now 31 and she is 27. We were the best of friends when we began to become closer and closer until we finally began dating. Now this girl is PERFECT looking to me. I mean if I had to design a girl from the ground up it would be her. She is EVERYTHING I wanted looks wise in a girl. I cannot stress enough how perfect she was for me. Her personality is also amazing and she is incredibly loyal. Now my ex's previous relationship was VERY bad. So I came it to make her life fantastic. I let her live with me for free, we partied, our friends loved us and we had an energy that just made good things happen. We were constantly upgraded on flights, rooms, winning things, etc... People and things just came to us. It was amazing. We did do a lot of drugs and drank a lot so the relationship was very much based on partying. 1 year after dating we got a dog (which RULES) and 2 years later I bought a house which I believe was the reason we failed. I didn't put her name on the mortgage because we were still dating and I didn't even know if she could consistently pay a bill so I didn't. She actually walked out on me in the mortgage office while I was putting the offer down. I closed and moved into the house on my own however she returned two weeks later. We agreed that she could not just walk out anymore because it something that is unacceptable to me. The reason I bought the house was to be close to her parents because mine live in North Carolina (I'm currently in NJ). So I bought it for OUR future. She did attempt to pay but was never really on time but it was good enough for me to still want to marry her because I loved her. Fast forward to 4 months ago and we were having communication problems. Actually we had a lot of communication problems in the relationship but I was willing to work on resolving them. We got in a huge argument and she left AGAIN. This time I told her to not come back but I was only trying to make a point. That is when it all fell apart and I blame myself completely for it. She didn't come back. We did try to work on the relationship at therapy however the therapist told us that we are so different that it would be hard to make it work. That was it for her and she gave up. Also during the time that we were trying to work it out she met a guy. She told me about how this guy was just like me and that we should hang out with him in the future. I told her sure but we needed to work on us first. Well it turns out that she started dating this guy three weeks after we broke up and is apparently in love with him now... this CRUSHED me. To make matters worse I was going to propose to this girl 20 days after we broke up. So now here I am. I was losing my MIND in the first 2 months. Got a little better in the 3rd now am a complete suicidal mess in the 4th. I went NC immediately after the breakup. Blocked Facebook, removed pictures, meditated, burned pictures in letting go ritual, deleted numbers.. email.. etc.., used the rubber band on wrist technique to try and forget, went back to the gym, hung out with old friends, kept busy, went to therapy (2 actually), cried, wrote down thoughts, dated, had sex... hell I did EVERYTHING and I'm still here now. She reached out to be about 2 weeks ago via email to meet and talk. She defiantly wanted to just be friends. I told her that I could only meet if we were going to talk about getting back together and that I was not ready to "just be friends". I haven't heard from her since and I think I just destroyed my chances of friendship with her. This is killing me. My entire life was designed to have her in it and I don't know what to do now. I cry every morning because I'm dreaming of her. I feel as if I will never find that connection that I had with her EVER again. I was SO attracted to her and I feel that I will NEVER have that again. I am also fearful of her getting engaged and the pain that will cause. I am a mess and I want the thoughts to just stop! I would do anything for them to subside. I am successful guy, I own two cars, a house, a dog, an mba and make about 130,000 a year and I don't care. All the material things mean nothing with her in my life. Please please please help. This is affecting my very being, my sanity. While she is happy I SUFFER, while she laughs I cry, while she is able to love I can only be in pain... I don't know how much more I can take......
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