LostOne1 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 (edited) So my g.f broke it off with me. I am wondering.. how normal or safe is it to talk to their siblings? Say her older sister? My g.f is in another city for another week.. I just don't know whats going on with her? Shes become very aggresive against me now and cold hearted suddenly. Then finally we talked 1 day and it seemed like we patched it up and the next morning I get the same text of her being cold. Is the new location shes currently at doing this to her? I've seen a side to her that's very unlike her. I wanted to talk to her sis during her lunch to see if she knows what's going on and what not. The only downside is I can't be 100% sure her sis won't contact her to tell her that I talked to her sis. I'm 50/50 that she won't or will say something and I know my g.f would flip if she found out. I do trust her sis, but I know her sis is close and might say something by accident... but it's the only person I can contact that would know what's going on lately. Then again I could wait the week, but it seems endless... I just want some closure good or bad. I don't know if I can wait another week now to find out if she will ever talk to me again or not, or if shes found someone else etc... I wish I knew now, so I could just ready myself. I can't bear to pull myself away only to have her come back and tell me shes wants to try again. Or to find out we are done for sure, I rather start the healing process now than a week from now. Sigh.... FML. Edited August 20, 2012 by LostOne1
Citizen Erased Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Bad move. Don't put her sister in that position.
Author LostOne1 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Bad move. Don't put her sister in that position. what if her sis already knows what's going on eg. shes with someone else or she won't come back or she will? I've some what close to her sis.. but I don't know what else to do... I'm just restless and wish I knew what was going on there at her temp new place.
Floored Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Short answer: No. Horrible move. Long answer: Nothing good will come of it. Even if you are close with your sister, unless there's some kind of weird family dynamic I'm not aware of, she will be closer and rightfully stick by her sister. She will guard her sister and her integrity. She will share bare bones if anything at all. She will tell her sister afterwards and they will share a laugh at the expense of your lowered dignity. We all want closure, but closure is not "something" we can really find. Our closure comes from within. What that means... well, I'm still searching myself. We all wish we knew what our ex was doing, or who they were doing, even though those very things hurt us the most. Your best bet is to stay out of contact with her, her sister, and anyone around that you would use only to mine up dirt on her. Yes, it will drive you crazy to keep to yourself, but it's better than driving her crazy and than losing whatever shred of humanity she left you with. 1
Citizen Erased Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Her sister could know every last detail of your ex's life but it's not her business to communicate any of it to the ex boyfriend of her sister. You're going way over a line, expecting to have an informant on your ex, not to mention making that person be her sister. Pestering her family for information will not get her back. Complete opposite effect. 2
Author LostOne1 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 See the thing is my ex always talked to my own sister all the time, and my sister never told me anything. That is until today when I pushed her too, cause I wanted to know what's been going on between my sis and my ex from way before. Sigh... just so tough I do 1 thing wrong and it feels like the world has ended.
Author LostOne1 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 BTW what does it means when my ex says 2 days ago she was looking at some of our vacation pictures? Does that mean shes trying to feel out if something is still there? or just building a tolerance to let go? Im so confused by her actions its not like her to be aggresively cold or to not talk things out. Could it be that shes far from home? Shes supposed to be back in a few days now. I don't know if she will contact me when shes back. She said it depends on how she feels. Worst of all our anniversary is around the time she comes back.
Floored Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 BTW what does it means when my ex says 2 days ago she was looking at some of our vacation pictures? Does that mean shes trying to feel out if something is still there? or just building a tolerance to let go? Im so confused by her actions its not like her to be aggresively cold or to not talk things out. Could it be that shes far from home? Shes supposed to be back in a few days now. I don't know if she will contact me when shes back. She said it depends on how she feels. Worst of all our anniversary is around the time she comes back. Okay, in your shoes: I would completely just forget that comment. That will open a whole new bus of hope and despair, wondering if she's still thinking of you two getting back together, all that. She's just dribbling some bread crumbs, seeing if she can still illicit an emotional response from you. Don't contact her. Put up a hard NC wall from now until she returns, and keep it up strong. Continue it until she breaks down that wall aggressively; don't fall for "you wanna talk" "I'm lonely" "Missing you.." Delete on arrival these texts. You'll know if she's gunning on full- coming over, calling and leaving huge messages, boomboxes in the yard. If she gets desperate, maybe there's an actual talk in the works and she's actually thought about losing you.
Author LostOne1 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Okay, in your shoes: I would completely just forget that comment. That will open a whole new bus of hope and despair, wondering if she's still thinking of you two getting back together, all that. She's just dribbling some bread crumbs, seeing if she can still illicit an emotional response from you. Don't contact her. Put up a hard NC wall from now until she returns, and keep it up strong. Continue it until she breaks down that wall aggressively; don't fall for "you wanna talk" "I'm lonely" "Missing you.." Delete on arrival these texts. You'll know if she's gunning on full- coming over, calling and leaving huge messages, boomboxes in the yard. If she gets desperate, maybe there's an actual talk in the works and she's actually thought about losing you. I do know a few days ago or almost a week ago. I text raped her LOL sounds wrong, but I basically kept sending texts over and over again about things and she got so mad she yelled at me on the phone in a call afterwards. Then a few hours later she called, but I didn't pickup. Then the next day she texted a lot and I didn't reply right away. She kept saying things like im ignoring her then more texts with i must have moved on and what not.. then that day we talked and I think it hurt her slightly when I said I could move on.. basically acted all happy like I was good and fine and dandy, then broke down my feelings and told her how I felt and we got off talking like we always do all lovey dovey, and making jokes. Next thing I know I don't get a gnite msg so I send one. No reply, the next day she sent me the same cold stuff how im not her type now, how she wants to move on, how im not good enough etc... I don't know how someone does that? Anyways to make things short, a few days ago she said to Stop texting her and to leave her alone and when she gets back in a week, if she feels like it she will contact me otherwise she wont and that I have to promise to stop forcing her. I wasn't ever forcing her I just wanted to know what is going on.... this new place has just changed her in some ways. Maybe when shes back, it will bring back the old memories and the old life. It's gotta be tough going to a new place for 2 months, have no one there, though she's met a lot of new people there now. Im just afraid she might find someone else, though I feel shes not like that.. I can't see her just break up and within 2-3 weeks find someone else and then have to come back home... It's just been so tough trying NOT to contact her or anyone else that knows her. I just have to wait and see till she gets back, maybe she will want to talk on the occasion that it will be our anniversary.
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