moonsugar Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 My ex and I were together for 3 years, and very serious. I had a promise ring and we talked about our future together all the time. Our last few months together became hard when he started experiencing anger issues and we started to fight a lot. I wanted to take a break, but he didn't understand the concept and I got desperate and broke up with him. After a month, I contacted him to see about working it out and he basically led me on for a while and then told me he didn't want to work it out. I tried, hard, for a month and a half to get him back. During this time he would either engage this conversation or completely ignore me, so I know that he's confused too. He just got into a new relationship 2 weeks ago with a girl he goes to karate with, but just added on fb/started talking to at the end of july. How do I get him back? Obviously, trying so hard wasn't working for me. Should I just never contact him? Wait for his new relationship to run its course? She got out of a relationship in the beginning of july, so I feel like they are rebounds for each other. I LOVE him and desperately want to be with him, but I don't want to keep doing what I've been doing Advice?
Car10e Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 My situation is almost exact to yours in every way. I asked for a break first, then it lead to him wanting a break, then after a month he ended it. I found out the same week we broke up that a girl at his work was calling him her new bf. He denied it all, but theres pictures of them together. Its these kinds of situations that make you realize what you had. I tried so hard to convince him to at least try to work things out. I know we could have, but I think his decision was influenced by his new gf, whom he talked to about us at work. I know she had a bf when we first started dating, but it seems she broke up with hers as well. I'm not really sure if she left her then bf for my ex bf, but either way I think of it as a rebound relationship. I find it impossible for my ex bf to get over me that fast. My plan is to let their relationship run its course. I still love and want him back, but in a few months I may not want him anymore. I fight the urges to contact him, because I know that will only hurt my chances with him if I ever get that again. I think you should do the same also, because it might just annoy him. I know it sounds immature, but make him jealous. I don't mean go out and hookup with someone else, but make improvements on yourself. I have been exercising more and eating healthier. I have been hanging out with friends a lot more, and even some of his friends. Basically, make him realize what he gave up.
slreed Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 The only thing that you can do is give him space. Trying too hard is not going to work. It is just going to make him mad, and make him think that you are unstable. Even though you love him, you don’t have to put your heart on your sleeve and put it all out there like that because it will drive him away. Start living your life, dating other people, and getting out more. It is possible that once he sees that you are moving on and he is faced with the possibility of losing you, then he will come around. Also make sure that every time you see him, or one of his friends, that you look, really really really good. Because when this happens his friends will always report back to him how great you look, or when he sees you it might make him think twice about what he’s lost. So in short, stop the overbearing getting back together talk, and pretend you don’t care, men like to chase women, they don’t like to be chased.
RobertaHolmes Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 My story resembles yours a lot. We've broke up a year ago (been together for 2 yrs), but I still can't get him out of my head. I moved to a bigger city, he re-located too and started his own business. He has a new girlfriend now and they seem to be happy. It seems like it's over, but I can't stand the idea of his being with another girl. I still love him but I know that no matter how hard I try to get him back it just won't work because he's not into me anymore. Just accept this fact and try to move on with your own life.
oracle Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Its done and you know it. Read my thread at the top of the section. You reacting very strongly now because he is out of your reach and with someone else. Its natural to long for what we can no longer have
Leigh 87 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I think your relationship has run its course.... After 3 years, he should know if your the love of his life, and the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Your obviously not the one for him; however, because you both had such strong feelings still, it is very normal to go chasing these feelings! However, just know your just very ATTACHED to him, and he is not truly in love with you; if he was, he would not be able to be with other women.
Author moonsugar Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Its done and you know it. Read my thread at the top of the section. You reacting very strongly now because he is out of your reach and with someone else. Its natural to long for what we can no longer have Sorry, but that was rude! I reacted strongly before he ever started dating someone else
Author moonsugar Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 I think your relationship has run its course.... After 3 years, he should know if your the love of his life, and the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Your obviously not the one for him; however, because you both had such strong feelings still, it is very normal to go chasing these feelings! However, just know your just very ATTACHED to him, and he is not truly in love with you; if he was, he would not be able to be with other women. I don't think that you can say that we "obviously" aren't meant for each other.
Author moonsugar Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 My situation is almost exact to yours in every way. I asked for a break first, then it lead to him wanting a break, then after a month he ended it. I found out the same week we broke up that a girl at his work was calling him her new bf. He denied it all, but theres pictures of them together. Its these kinds of situations that make you realize what you had. I tried so hard to convince him to at least try to work things out. I know we could have, but I think his decision was influenced by his new gf, whom he talked to about us at work. I know she had a bf when we first started dating, but it seems she broke up with hers as well. I'm not really sure if she left her then bf for my ex bf, but either way I think of it as a rebound relationship. I find it impossible for my ex bf to get over me that fast. My plan is to let their relationship run its course. I still love and want him back, but in a few months I may not want him anymore. I fight the urges to contact him, because I know that will only hurt my chances with him if I ever get that again. I think you should do the same also, because it might just annoy him. I know it sounds immature, but make him jealous. I don't mean go out and hookup with someone else, but make improvements on yourself. I have been exercising more and eating healthier. I have been hanging out with friends a lot more, and even some of his friends. Basically, make him realize what he gave up. Thank you for the reply:) How do you make him jealous if you don't contact him? Like if he doesn't hear from you, then how does he know how you're doing? My friend told me to do the same thing, but idk how he'll even notice how i'm doing if i never speak to him
Author moonsugar Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 The only thing that you can do is give him space. Trying too hard is not going to work. It is just going to make him mad, and make him think that you are unstable. Even though you love him, you don’t have to put your heart on your sleeve and put it all out there like that because it will drive him away. Start living your life, dating other people, and getting out more. It is possible that once he sees that you are moving on and he is faced with the possibility of losing you, then he will come around. Also make sure that every time you see him, or one of his friends, that you look, really really really good. Because when this happens his friends will always report back to him how great you look, or when he sees you it might make him think twice about what he’s lost. So in short, stop the overbearing getting back together talk, and pretend you don’t care, men like to chase women, they don’t like to be chased. Thank you for the reply, I think i made a lot of mistakes by not giving him any space. The first month after we separated he wanted to be with me and he made it known, but he still gave me space and I came back. I'm hoping that if I do that, he'll do the same. I'm following your advice, thank you so much
Car10e Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Thank you for the reply:) How do you make him jealous if you don't contact him? Like if he doesn't hear from you, then how does he know how you're doing? My friend told me to do the same thing, but idk how he'll even notice how i'm doing if i never speak to him Well in my case, he asks his friends who still talk to me. He went to Vegas over the weekend with all his close friends, and asked how I was doing. Do you guys have any mutual friends still? My ex and I are also still friends on facebook. Some people feel the need to block or delete their ex, but that is up to you. But remember to be mature about it.
Author moonsugar Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Well in my case, he asks his friends who still talk to me. He went to Vegas over the weekend with all his close friends, and asked how I was doing. Do you guys have any mutual friends still? My ex and I are also still friends on facebook. Some people feel the need to block or delete their ex, but that is up to you. But remember to be mature about it. Yeah, we work at the same job so I guess my coworkers can talk about it I blocked him from fb
Me13 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I mean this with the grandest of respects, and also because I'm in a similar position to you... but having been in this same position for 6 months now, I can tell you deep down that the two replies that you found "rude" or assumptive above, were in fact, the best advice. I have spent 6 months longing for the return of my 3-year relationship with someone. He broke it off after cheating on me, and has been with a new random girl for the past 6 months. Not just dating - no, they have just bought a house together and moved in last month. Moving fast, yes, rebound? Who knows. Whilst it kills me every day, the point is, it IS obvious we are not meant for each other. I don't want a guy that does that. I don't want someone who doesn't put me on a bit of a pedestal and consider himself lucky to be with such a great girl. And Oracle IS right, we long for what we don't have, but it takes us a while to realise we long for something that is not usually person-specific, but more afraid of being alone. Give it time - you're right guy will come along, not one that makes you feel like crap or one that chose another girl over you. Best advice - whether you choose to take it or not, or believe it right now or not - is recognise that it IS Over. Making someone jealous makes you look desperate. The fact is, he wants someone else.
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