After meeting up with the ex..

[youngnlove89]

So, in spite of what everyone told me not to do, I did anyways. (Now tell me to go sit in a corner and think about what I did) Trust me, I already have.

 

Ready? Are you all itching to hear what you've been trying to drill in my head? Are your eyes glued to the screen already knowing the outcome before I have even told you?! Fine, you were right. There, I said it. Happy?

 

Nothing changed. We hung out, had sex, went out for dinner (yes, he did buy), came back to his house watched movies, ate ice-cream, and cuddled all night. I went home at 10 am this morning. It was dandy and all but guess what? He still feels the same way he did before. That I'm not the one for him, that he loves me and cares for me but can't get "those" feelings. He enjoys my company and no less, but also nothing more.

 

I'm hurt. I told him today, this is it. I didn't come over to his house to play pretend, I wanted more. And if he can't give it to me then I am going to have to slam this chapter shut. If he is dumb enough to walk away, I have to be smart enough to let him go.

 

I have lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I walk around with no life in me. I'm not happy. Is this what love is about? Being miserable, fighting to make someone love you? I don't think so. I went out to dinner with my dad just now and I couldn't even smile. I checked my phone numerous times and was disappointed every time I was reminded that he isn't going to call.

 

I want my old self back. I want to be happy. I want to go out and smile and have fun! I really really do. Being with him last night made me happy, but it was temporary happiness. I want permanent. And I know if I continue to do what I've been doing, I'm not going to find that happiness.

 

I'm sorry for letting everyone down. Especially myself. But I don't regret it. I needed to go through it one more time to remember the pain it causes me.

 

Learn from my mistakes. Don't meet your ex. Don't talk to them. Let them go.

 

Don't worry. You may think you will never get over them, but you also thought it would last forever.

[Bazamu]

You tell everyone in here you don't need someone like that, but yet you still go out and hurt yourself even more. He treated You like a princess just to use you in the sack. You knew exactly what to do, but you disregarded everything what everyone has said. You should change your signature to 8/19 not since you meet up . Not trying to be mean, just pointing out what you've said.

[ihateslowjams]

So, in spite of what everyone told me not to do, I did anyways. (Now tell me to go sit in a corner and think about what I did) Trust me, I already have.

 

Ready? Are you all itching to hear what you've been trying to drill in my head? Are your eyes glued to the screen already knowing the outcome before I have even told you?! Fine, you were right. There, I said it. Happy?

 

Nothing changed. We hung out, had sex, went out for dinner (yes, he did buy), came back to his house watched movies, ate ice-cream, and cuddled all night. I went home at 10 am this morning. It was dandy and all but guess what? He still feels the same way he did before. That I'm not the one for him, that he loves me and cares for me but can't get "those" feelings. He enjoys my company and no less, but also nothing more.

 

I'm hurt. I told him today, this is it. I didn't come over to his house to play pretend, I wanted more. And if he can't give it to me then I am going to have to slam this chapter shut. If he is dumb enough to walk away, I have to be smart enough to let him go.

 

I have lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I walk around with no life in me. I'm not happy. Is this what love is about? Being miserable, fighting to make someone love you? I don't think so. I went out to dinner with my dad just now and I couldn't even smile. I checked my phone numerous times and was disappointed every time I was reminded that he isn't going to call.

 

I want my old self back. I want to be happy. I want to go out and smile and have fun! I really really do. Being with him last night made me happy, but it was temporary happiness. I want permanent. And I know if I continue to do what I've been doing, I'm not going to find that happiness.

 

I'm sorry for letting everyone down. Especially myself. But I don't regret it. I needed to go through it one more time to remember the pain it causes me.

 

Learn from my mistakes. Don't meet your ex. Don't talk to them. Let them go.

 

Don't worry. You may think you will never get over them, but you also thought it would last forever.

 

This kinda sounds like you're being too hard on yourself. Honestly, we all make mistakes and learn from them. Some learn from others' advice, while others learn from the pain they experience. I guess the difference between the two will be the wisdom gained from the latter. I believe you're the type of person that would have always wondered what would've happened if you didn't go.

 

Now you know and learn from it. Now you understand what many people were talking about, but that doesn't mean anything less than just wisdom gained.

[Balzac]

Lick your open wounds. Most importantly forgive yourself. Who among us hasn't stumbled? Natch~it's done, past tense. Let it go.

 

You had to endure the trial by fire. Now you're ready to move on.

[Anastar]

I've learned from reading BU posts that resuming a relationship with your ex rarely works.

Somehow you have to be able to start new with them. So that means you cant go back and resume the relationship where it ended. I think that NC helps, because you either get over them and move one, or if you still love them even after you've moved on, i.e...resumed living your life in a healthy way. Then you're clearly not the person you once were, and neither are they, because after all you go through you realize so many things you didn't before. So the only possible way to resume is as if your a new couple, which follows the same progression as new relationships do. You have to build the tension all over again. The second time around you have more information, as well as new information about them which you neglected to see. It's so complicated. Anyway you look at it as Heraclitus said, you can never step in the same river twice. However, this doesn't apply to when you step in sh%t. Because a river flows and changes, especially after a nice long rain...which is NC.

I'm sad for you, because I'm still very sad over my own BU....After 8 weeks, I still cry, but each time I allow my self to feel the pain I feel a little better. Because restrained myself and respected my boundaries as well a his. This is a good way to learn respect for yourself as well as others.

-A:(

 

 

 

 

 

UU

Edited August 20, 2012 by Anastar

[steveblack]

Forgive yourself. This is not easy! Don't think you were weak for doing what you did.

 

Start to heal. This is not easy, and there are no quick fixes. You got this!

[ThatJustHappened]

Don't be so hard on yourself sweetie. Everyone makes those same mistakes. Now you know..you seem smart enough to learn from this situation. Now you can heal.

[youngnlove89]

Thanks. I'm just really hurt by him. His actions have shown me nothing but how little he really cares about me.

 

He can say he loves me, he misses me, and wants to be with me but he has not shown it all.

 

We were supposed to hangout after I came home this morning. And he ditched me for his friend. I waited around all day for him to call me, even cancelled other plans for him. And he completely stood me up and ignored me.

 

Then he says, "I'm so sorry. Really I'm sorry. I didn't know you were waiting for me"

 

It hurts to be let down from someone you would never let down.

[Tree_Salmon]

So, in spite of what everyone told me not to do, I did anyways. (Now tell me to go sit in a corner and think about what I did) Trust me, I already have.

 

Ready? Are you all itching to hear what you've been trying to drill in my head? Are your eyes glued to the screen already knowing the outcome before I have even told you?! Fine, you were right. There, I said it. Happy?

 

Nothing changed. We hung out, had sex, went out for dinner (yes, he did buy), came back to his house watched movies, ate ice-cream, and cuddled all night. I went home at 10 am this morning. It was dandy and all but guess what? He still feels the same way he did before. That I'm not the one for him, that he loves me and cares for me but can't get "those" feelings. He enjoys my company and no less, but also nothing more.

 

I'm hurt. I told him today, this is it. I didn't come over to his house to play pretend, I wanted more. And if he can't give it to me then I am going to have to slam this chapter shut. If he is dumb enough to walk away, I have to be smart enough to let him go.

 

I have lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I walk around with no life in me. I'm not happy. Is this what love is about? Being miserable, fighting to make someone love you? I don't think so. I went out to dinner with my dad just now and I couldn't even smile. I checked my phone numerous times and was disappointed every time I was reminded that he isn't going to call.

 

I want my old self back. I want to be happy. I want to go out and smile and have fun! I really really do. Being with him last night made me happy, but it was temporary happiness. I want permanent. And I know if I continue to do what I've been doing, I'm not going to find that happiness.

 

I'm sorry for letting everyone down. Especially myself. But I don't regret it. I needed to go through it one more time to remember the pain it causes me.

 

Learn from my mistakes. Don't meet your ex. Don't talk to them. Let them go.

 

Don't worry. You may think you will never get over them, but you also thought it would last forever.

 

Can't blame him or call him a douchebag either.

 

You chose to have sex/meet/cuddle so this is just as much your fault.

 

I was there a few weeks ago and I chose not to do those things and I'm way better because of it.

 

Gather yourself and let this go for good. Seriously.

[Floored]

What are you mad at yourself for? For having hope against all odds? For trying one last time even though everyone around you said you'd fail? Welcome to humankind, with a lifelong history of hoping and failing and just a glimmer of success for all the pain we've put ourselves through.

 

Give yourself a few days, and it will really, really start to bite. A break up with someone who up to that point at least had the perception of mutual love is hard gives you this: you were both losing each other so there's still the nagging question of, "are they regretting this too?" Getting that rejection from someone who doesn't love you anymore and doesn't feel like they're losing you hurts so much worse, especially after such a long history. Memory after memory will wash over you in the next weeks, and it will seem surreal and physically painful because they aren't there anymore. Future plans will crumble before you, and you'll be alone to sort through the ashes. But now you can face the breakup without the breath of hope you had.

 

*passes the tissues*

 

Some of us have been there. Some of us are going through it now. Some, myself part of that joyous club, can say how utterly horrific it is break NC only to be cold-cocked by it; forget salt on the wound, it's like gasoline on the wound, followed by a match. But perhaps now you'll see how it is completely over.

[kindest]

Everyone makes mistakes. Pick yourself up, forgive yourself, and move on.

 

Remember that his behavior is never about you, your faults, your weaknesses, your shortcomings... rather, it is about his faults, his weaknesses, his shortcomings. His behavior is his problem, not yours.

 

One day you will look back at your life with him and pat yourself at the back. You loved him with everything you've got and in my opinion that is loads better than looking back and realizing you could have given more love.

 

Below is a famous poem I read whenever I feel disillusioned. It has always helped me feel better somehow, no matter what unfortunate situation I am going through.

 

The Desiderata Poem

[youngnlove89]

Thank you everyone. I actually feel very very relieved. His last words were "I don't love you that way and I never will"

 

I told him to never contact me again and to $&*% off. I felt really empowered after that. After all he put me through, I am finally done. Those were cruel words. I am not sad. I am angry.

 

I feel like from here on out, it's only up.

[youngnlove89]

What are you mad at yourself for? For having hope against all odds? For trying one last time even though everyone around you said you'd fail? Welcome to humankind, with a lifelong history of hoping and failing and just a glimmer of success for all the pain we've put ourselves through.

 

Give yourself a few days, and it will really, really start to bite. A break up with someone who up to that point at least had the perception of mutual love is hard gives you this: you were both losing each other so there's still the nagging question of, "are they regretting this too?" Getting that rejection from someone who doesn't love you anymore and doesn't feel like they're losing you hurts so much worse, especially after such a long history. Memory after memory will wash over you in the next weeks, and it will seem surreal and physically painful because they aren't there anymore. Future plans will crumble before you, and you'll be alone to sort through the ashes. But now you can face the breakup without the breath of hope you had.

 

*passes the tissues*

 

Some of us have been there. Some of us are going through it now. Some, myself part of that joyous club, can say how utterly horrific it is break NC only to be cold-cocked by it; forget salt on the wound, it's like gasoline on the wound, followed by a match. But perhaps now you'll see how it is completely over.

 

It's a cruel reality, but at the same time having hope in something that would never happen is worse. Now we are free. Now we are taking steps in the right direction rather than going backwards. Is it weird that I feel okay right now? Maybe I'm still in shock, or maybe we have been through this already 5 other times that I'm used to it.

 

Guess what I just rented? "He's Just Not That Into You" My favorite movie!

[LostOne1]

Thank you everyone. I actually feel very very relieved. His last words were "I don't love you that way and I never will"

 

I told him to never contact me again and to $&*% off. I felt really empowered after that. After all he put me through, I am finally done. Those were cruel words. I am not sad. I am angry.

 

I feel like from here on out, it's only up.

See at least you can use that hate now... Your lucky, that hate will push you and make you feel much better. It's worse when the other person loves you, but then loses that love or you do something stupid and it pushes them away, but they still wanna be friends with you or talk to you or be with someone else to show off to you.

 

So use that hate and anger and channel it to get over all of this....

[youngnlove89]

Yes. I am lucky to be angry. When we first broke up, I wasn't angry just rejected. I was sad. After hearing him say that he will never love me that way, I was angry. Everything became a lie. When we made love and he looked me in the eye and he said "I love you baby" that was a lie. When he said forever, that was a lie. When he cuddled me, kissed me, made me feel good, that was all a lie. Everything was a lie. He is a liar. He dragged me down and I let him. He used me this weekend for sex. He told me what he had to so he could get laid. Why would I miss this type of person. I just miss who I thought he was. I miss the idea of him.

 

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful, it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful, it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident, it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better"

[Leigh 87]

Like I said in one of your other threads.... Your VERY self aware and are clearly intend on bettering yourself - MANY women in the exact situation as you ONCE were ( last tense now yay!), MOST women are NOT strong enough to leave, and are also delluded enough to think the guy will somehow change for them.....

 

I also mentioned that it is not YOU; it is HIM. It is not about being good enough.. A girl who is less attractive and less interesting than you, may be " the one" simply because she just " has it" with him. It is NOT about being good enough or not.

[Matt145]

Theres nothing to be ashamed about, sometimes you need to do stuff like this to realise and by the sounds of it you have. **** him from now on, blank everything his calls/texts. I realised how much of a backstabbing slut my ex was a few days ago, and its just made me so angry. I woke up this morning for the first time in weeks without that sick feeling in my stomich. I hope you feel anger from now on:D I still feel the sick feeling when i think of her, but nowhere near as much as i did. I hope you feel the same soon

[KansasChica]

The same thing happened to me. He broke up with me about 8 months ago after devaluing me and never looked back. I tried to reach out a couple of times, but he blamed me for everything. At that point, I should have seriously tried to move on, but I held on to stupid hope. We were in NC for about 6 months when he started popping back up at mutual friends' parties and whatnot. He completely messed with my head- gazing at me across the room, bringing up old memories when we were together, hugging me and claiming that he wasn't dating anyone. We drunkenly hooked up one night and he told me he loved me and would always love me and missed me. I thought that things might be looking up. Finally, what I had been waiting for! (even though my gut was saying no). Then I made him meet with me a month later and asked him straight up where he stood and he claimed he still wanted to date other girls.

 

I'm so glad I met with him. He doesn't communicate and hates conflict. I realized after I last meeting that I will never know the true him, because he doesn't even know himself. He will just hold me back- the same with your ex. It still hurts every day, but I'm just trying to take each day as it comes and always try to move forward. Hang in there!

[Dblock10]

sorry to hear that young love, sounds pretty much exactly what i went through when i met the ex!

 

dont worry, i'll take you out on a date x