ihavebeenfloated Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Some background. So me and this girl started going out a little over 3 years ago. On the first date, we clicked pretty much right away, and both knew about a few hours in that we wanted to be with each other. It became Facebook official the next week after the third date, and things progressed naturally from there. It was never perfect (what relationship really is?), but it was pretty ****ing great. It was actually kind of boring how well things seemed to work out. We've spent the last year or so planning on buying a house, and talking about all of the commitment that implies. We weren't engaged, but marriage came up and we both agreed that it was something we wanted with each other. She even gave me some money to help pay off the vet bills for my dog. You know, since he was basically her dog too, and we were going to be moving in together, her money was essentially mine. Well, about a month after that, totally out of the blue (literally, one day things are great, then the next, not so much) I get the "we need to talk" speech. "I'm scared I'm missing out on something better." "I feel like I have to be with other people, and if I stay with you, I will cheat on you." "You deserve better." "I still really love you, and I really feel that what we have is special, I just need to see other people." "I don't want to be committed right now." And the random "I want you to be more outgoing." So yeah. I was in shock the night it happened. We had a proper talk about it two days later, but it was basically her repeating everything and me pleading to try to make it work. No luck. She still wanted to be friends, and talk occasionally. We talked a few days after that, and I told her that wasn't going to work for me. If we couldn't be together, we couldn't talk at all. I'd always be willing to make it work, but if that wasn't the case, it had to be full no contact. She cried. I cried. Then that was it. I was a total mess for the first week. Had to leave work early twice. Couldn't eat or sleep. Every dream was about her. I think I read every "How to get over a breakup" article I could find on Google. This was 7 weeks ago. I'm definitely not as bad as I was, but I'm still not good. I've tried doing things right by being active a lot, spending time with friends, taking care of myself, and even dating, but I still spend way too much time thinking about her. I know it's over, and I know I'll meet someone else, but it's still a struggle to be normal. I tried online dating for a bit, and dated two girls for a few weeks, but that wasn't really doing anything for me. It just sucks because I asked a friend about what she was posting on Facebook and Twitter (I blocked her... but I did cheat and checked out her Instagram) and it's like nothing's happened. Like I was this huge burden, and now that I'm gone she can have fun again. Our relationship was never like that. We were both pretty independent, and I always encouraged her to spend more time with her friends. But she's happy, and I have to force myself to not wallow alone in bed. She actually broke NC twice (once was mostly because of me). We took krav maga classes together, and worked out days we could go after the breakup. I guess she stopped going because after about a month of NC, she texted me asking if they were still open because she was trying to cancel her membership, but no one was calling her back, and she didn't want to drive there if they were closed. Naturally, I took this as her looking for an excuse to talk to me since she lives about 10 minutes from the place, and there were other ways of finding out if they were open. But reason set in, and I realized she was being genuine. I've come close to contacting her. Sometimes I want to vent everything I've been feeling over the past 6 weeks. Sometimes I want to ask if there's still a chance for us. Both cases would do nothing for me. Luckily I've kept control. I know it's going to take time and all that, I just feel like **** right now and want to vent. I just can't get over the fact that she could look me in the eye and be happy at me, be happy with me, when it was all bull****. Whatever. It won't always be this bad, right?
Author ihavebeenfloated Posted August 22, 2012 Author Posted August 22, 2012 Is it wrong to hate her? Not like, "Oh man, I'm really mad at you." But more me genuinely wanting bad things to happen to her. I want someone to hurt her the way she hurt me. Or lose her job. Just something awful.
SoulSearcher22 Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 I hate how it seems like it never effects them when it eats us up alive. ALL I could do was think about her. I was barely productive at work and my personality was very dull and it was noticeable. Terrible effects on me. Only thing I can offer is that it will go away EVENTUALLY, but maybe not as fast as you would like. I am on week 6 or 7 now of NC also. I have almost start to lose count which is a good thing.
Author ihavebeenfloated Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Losing count already? I pretty much still know the number of days. Still waiting for her to reach out again too, which is the opposite of where I should be.
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